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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

"Most people send nude pictures nowadays"

193 replies

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/08/2022 00:15

Really? I heard this today from a 28 year old woman I know. She says she's done it as have all her friends, with men they're hoping to develop a relationship with and in the early stages of relationships.

Never have, never will. Not even in a 20 year relationship. Christ what are we teaching girls and young women if they think this is ok?

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/08/2022 09:59

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/08/2022 09:12

You can see why people do it? Can you explain why because I just can't understand it. I'm not talking about established relationships with a high level of trust (though I still wouldn't). I mean with people online you don't know, online dating, early stages of a relationship or someone you fancy who's asked but you're not in a relationship yet.

Show quote history

People do it because it's hot
just because it doesn't appeal to you doesn't mean it's wrong or gross

Dery · 22/08/2022 10:30

Definitely showing my age here but how is it hot? If huge numbers of people are doing it on the basis of more or less no relationship, I would have thought it would have a devaluing effect and what’s hot about that? Wouldn’t it be hotter to hint at what’s available rather than whacking it all on the table at the outset?

EmmaH2022 · 22/08/2022 10:34

OP
was it your man mad friend who said this by any chance?

Original poster
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/08/2022 10:39

EmmaH2022 · 22/08/2022 10:34

OP
was it your man mad friend who said this by any chance?

@EmmaH2022 No it wasn't, it was a woman in my yoga class. We did get onto the topic of my man mad friend who is the one sending naked pics including her face to a man who is married.

OP posts:
Mumofnarnia · 22/08/2022 10:45

Nope I’d never send nude pictures, not even to my boyfriend.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/08/2022 10:46

Dery · 22/08/2022 10:30

Definitely showing my age here but how is it hot? If huge numbers of people are doing it on the basis of more or less no relationship, I would have thought it would have a devaluing effect and what’s hot about that? Wouldn’t it be hotter to hint at what’s available rather than whacking it all on the table at the outset?

Sexting can be a sexual act in itself. If you've never done it or it doesn't appeal that's fine but you can say that about any sex act you haven't tried. It's hot for some people 🤷🏼‍♀️

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/08/2022 10:55

Dery · 22/08/2022 09:58

“plus I sort of think they should 'earn' it in a way rather than just expect to see you naked whenever they want because you've flirted a bit.”

Gosh - this too with bells on. The sense of entitlement that is generated by being very quick to share things that should be reserved for true intimacy is very harmful.

🔔🔔🔔🔔💡. 🔔

KyaClark · 22/08/2022 10:55
  1. Never have. Never will.
Bluebellsand · 22/08/2022 10:56

Never have and never will (hopefully). I personally would hate having someone looking at my pictures even if it was my husband.
My rule is, if it is OK for my father and boss to see it. Then it is OK, for me to share. The boss in question was my second boss/ family friend.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/08/2022 10:58

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/08/2022 09:59

People do it because it's hot
just because it doesn't appeal to you doesn't mean it's wrong or gross

Show quote history

It’s not ‘wrong’. It’s not ‘ gross’.

Its very, very foolish, though, unless you like being embarrassed or humiliated when things don’t go too well. If you don’t mind that, well, crack on.

Dery · 22/08/2022 10:58

@CloseYourEyesAndSee - You’re right - I hadn’t seen it in that way. I understand better now!

housemaus · 22/08/2022 11:01

Dery · 22/08/2022 10:30

Definitely showing my age here but how is it hot? If huge numbers of people are doing it on the basis of more or less no relationship, I would have thought it would have a devaluing effect and what’s hot about that? Wouldn’t it be hotter to hint at what’s available rather than whacking it all on the table at the outset?

DH and I were long distance for 2 years when we first got together. We sent loads of pictures/videos/voice notes during that time because we couldn't physically be together - that was hot. Similarly, if you've just met someone, teasing someone you're excited to see again with what they're missing is hot. Knowing you look good and knowing they're going to see it is hot. The implied trust is hot (although, of course, that being broken is not).

I completely understand the risks, but I think it's shortsighted to not understand how it could appeal. It's effectively just another part of sexuality, and while I think anyone who shares someone else's photos etc without permission is an absolute scumbag, I don't understand the judgement for those who had them shared - "we know you're a sexual person who engages in sex acts, and that was stupid of you". People have sex, including a form of sexual engagement via a digital medium, that's not interesting or noteworthy. Do we judge people who've had sex and then the other person bragged about it in detail after? No, because we understand the fault is with the bragger. Same rule applies.

Rapidtango · 22/08/2022 11:02

They really don't.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/08/2022 11:10

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/08/2022 10:58

It’s not ‘wrong’. It’s not ‘ gross’.

Its very, very foolish, though, unless you like being embarrassed or humiliated when things don’t go too well. If you don’t mind that, well, crack on.

Show quote history

several men have pictures/videos of my intimate parts and I could not care less. Nobody would ever identify me from anything I've sent to people I didn't know well and if they share what they have so what? I really don't care.
the risk is if a photo is identifiable.

QueenCamilla · 22/08/2022 11:11

Nope, I never have and wouldn't want to be sent any.
I think it's more to do with the fact it doesn't do anything whatsoever for me. It ain't my morals that's for sure - they're rather loose 😆

MummaB22 · 22/08/2022 11:24

Never did with my DP! And we're a young couple! That's ridiculous 🤣

DogsAndGin · 22/08/2022 11:26

I’m 30 and I’ve never done it. But I know a lot of my friends have 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 22/08/2022 11:32

I've never done it and certainly wouldn't.

I want a man to like me as a person - not a collection of body parts.

JenGin · 22/08/2022 11:33

I'd hazard a guess that the majority of my friends all do this but it's to long term partners and husbands. I did think it was more prevalent than this thread suggests, to be honest! Just a cheeky "see you after work" one every now and then. Absolutely nothing wrong with it and nothing wrong with people who don't do it, either. The sole issue is the privacy/safety issue which becomes less of a risk when it's between 2 long term partners.

TorviShieldMaiden · 22/08/2022 11:43

If I’m not identifiable then I don’t really care what happens to the pictures.

I do also send pics (and him to me) with my current DP. When we are apart for a bit, or just because it’s a turn on.

I have been turned on by the fact that someone is turned on by my body.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/08/2022 11:44

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 22/08/2022 11:32

I've never done it and certainly wouldn't.

I want a man to like me as a person - not a collection of body parts.

Sometimes I want a man to want me for my body parts and that's also ok 😉

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/08/2022 11:46

JenGin · 22/08/2022 11:33

I'd hazard a guess that the majority of my friends all do this but it's to long term partners and husbands. I did think it was more prevalent than this thread suggests, to be honest! Just a cheeky "see you after work" one every now and then. Absolutely nothing wrong with it and nothing wrong with people who don't do it, either. The sole issue is the privacy/safety issue which becomes less of a risk when it's between 2 long term partners.

This is mumsnet...people who don't agree with the OP won't post in case they get shamed 🤷🏼‍♀️ It's very prevalent with everyone I know who is or has been single in the last 10 years or so

YouAreNotBatman · 22/08/2022 11:52

Nope, never have - never will.
Been prude shamed for it, but don’t give a damn.

Sandra1984 · 22/08/2022 11:56

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/08/2022 07:48

This conversation started about a mutual friend who's sending pictures, including her FACE, to guys she's "met" online.

That’s madness. Any of those strangers can run her face through a facial software recognition (free on the internet) and get her personal info or any other pictures of her face on the web (including a professional profile if she has one).

thats how people get blackmailed every day. Your friend is not very wise innit?

Choconut · 22/08/2022 11:59

I would never do it, and I don't find pictures of random blokes dicks 'hot' either. To me it's something started by men that women have ended up joining in with - and this is where it can end up......
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-62564028
If others don't care then that's their choice, but to me it's grim.