"Most people send nude pictures nowadays"

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Really? I heard this today from a 28 year old woman I know. She says she's done it as have all her friends, with men they're hoping to develop a relationship with and in the early stages of relationships.

Never have, never will. Not even in a 20 year relationship. Christ what are we teaching girls and young women if they think this is ok?

Lol. You could post a photo of yourself wearing a new pair of shoes on Instagram and rest assured there’ll be someone willing and able to wank to that. Not sending nude photos isn’t a guarantee that a stranger isn’t going to be wanking over you.

Personally, I only ever exchanged photos during sexting, so I too was getting off with a visual aid. As far as I’m aware my photos haven’t been shared but if they have, then no, I’m not inclined to lose sleep over it. I’m not feigning being nonplussed in order to be a ‘pick me’ and appeal to men, and I’m not going to be a ‘pick me’ to appeal to (some) female sensibilities either, by pretending I am bothered.

Sorry but I find this so depressing. If my boyfriend shared naked pictures of me with his mates he would be single. Only skanky bastards do that not someone that is meant to respect you.

So would mine. But my point is that if he has, I don't know about it, and the thought that he could have done it doesn't bother me because how would I know? Nothing has ever been said to me to make me think he has. Therefore, for all intents and purposes, even if he has, he hasn't. It's like a shrodingers nude-share.

In effect she consents to them being published for the trashy men who masturbate to. A big chunk of those men would prefer that she didn’t consent, that’s what they especially like- and Rhubarb is happy to be their Visual Aid.

No, that isn't what I said. I'm saying I'm not going to be sitting here bothered by something that might have happened that I'm unaware of. If isn't affecting ms just thinking that it could have happened. Unless I have some kind of proof it's been shared around, then it's just a theoretical, a bit like me sitting here worrying that he is cheating on me even though there is no evidence of even hint of that, it's a pointless thing to do. So the thought it could have happened doesn't bother me. There are many things in life that could have possibly happened without my knowledge, but unless I know it's happened, then it doesn't bother me.

Also I am of the opinion that "Pick Me" is an inherently misogynistic thing to call a woman anyway. It's always used against women who don't behave in the way other women believe they should, e.g. if a woman says she had more guy friends as a teenager and didn't really have many girl friends, she also gets called a Pick Me, because for some reason it's "wrong" to not have mostly girl friends. It tries to prescribe a "correct" say of being a woman, otherwise you are denigrated. I never use this word against other women.

The more I think about it, I don't think I'd care if some faceless man who I'm never going to meet or talk to did see my nude photos. If, for example, my DH's phone was stolen and my pictures were found on it I don't think I'd care? It's people I know, family etc, seeing them that would be mortifying but some stranger I'll have no interaction with wouldn't bother me, I don't think. I may feel different if it actually happened, I suppose.

Genuine question, for those who do have these photos, how do you store them securely? Do you just keep them in a separate folder on your phone, an app? Share on WhatsApp and then delete?

@DidYeEye I don't keep/save my own ones and just text them to DH and they're on his phone. Not on the cloud or anything. Just in his photos, I assume.

Genuine question, for those who do have these photos, how do you store them securely?

I have a "secure/secret" folder on my phone that I need to open with a PIN or biometrics.

Must admit that I’m thinking mainly of people who have just met or relatively new partners. Chatting online to some dude who then starts asking for “nudes”.

Up to you if you want to give a long term partner pictures of you naked.

If that happened whoever found it could forward them to everyone in the contacts list. Including his parents, mates, work colleagues, kids and Aunt Flo. Would you care then?

You can usually set up your phone to be wipeable when stolen. I lost a phone once but had it set up on my laptop so that I could wipe it remotely. Of course I have everything backed up so when I get a new phone again it all goes back on it.

Yes, I would definitely care. I think if my husbands phone was stolen/lost, though, there's 2 likely outcomes: He'd set up the lost phone feature and we'd get a call and get it returned. Or it'd be wiped straight away, sim card removed and sold without it even being searched through so as not to give away the thief/phones location. I don't think many people would go to the effort of forwarding all the photos to my contacts.

But yes, I do appreciate there is a slight risk and perhaps I'll at least get my DH to put some sort of protection on the photos. He's never lost a phone to this day and I guess I'm just a bit blase about it. Hopefully that won't come back and bite me in the arse but it just isn't something I overly worry about.

I'm in my 30s and I don't know anyone who's done this - but maybe I'm past it 😂

I can't believe that there are women who are actually stupid enough to do this. Maybe some get a kick out of multiple men seeing their pics?

Also saw the Panorama programme. Men are selling thousands of these photos online.

I know plenty of men who wouldn't dream of doing such a stupid thing, so don't assume it's mainly a male thing.

You obviously view this differently to me, but for me the %age of men who do put up photos for all and sundry is too high for me to even think about sharing digitally. Even the ones in long term committed relationships. Even the “nice “ ones.

In addition we know, because they tell us, that a lot of people do consider sharing photos with one man as consent to sharing the same photos with all men.

and I think that’s the bit you find thrilling. That he might do that, and who might see, and what you imagine their reaction to be. Thrilling implies an acceptance of a risk it might go catastrophically wrong.

It seems to me that you have confused at least one of (a) your consent to be on the internet with the right of other women to not consent, and have that respected (b) the inability to effectively police with my consent (c) thrilling today with any certainty it won’t be used to really hurt you, and your loved ones.

Sharing of nude pictures was probably the biggest boundary issue my wife and I had. Well before we were married, she had taken a full frontal one of me, and I didn't give it a second thought until a few weeks later when the son of a friend of my wifes asked how I had gotten so ripped.

To the best of my knowledge, I had never been around anyone without a shirt on as I am very body conscious, so I asked him, and he said he'd seen a picture of me.

Come to find out, my then girlfriend, now wife, had shared it with a bunch of her friends. The looks I got and occasional overheard comment raised nausea inducing levels of self consciousness in me.

Over time, it passed, and to my knowledge, she has never shared any pictures like that again.

Why do people do this

It’s a turn on. And yes, I did used to own a Polaroid!

There is a website where people post your photo and tag your name and address. Trading nudes is a thing- as is paying for someone to get a nude of a target ie a real ‘fittie’ in your hometown. It’s very prolific in some communities. So damaging.

Absolutely horrendous and I’ve no idea why educated women do this with hookups, when the risks are well known.

and I think that’s the bit you find thrilling. That he might do that, and who might see, and what you imagine their reaction to be. Thrilling implies an acceptance of a risk it might go catastrophically wrong.

How strange. No, I find it thrilling in a sexual way, not in a risky way. I find the reaction of the person I'm sending it to is what I find sexually gratifying. I guess I'm using "thrill" different to you. I suppose I mean "arousing".

your consent to be on the internet with the right of other women to not consent, and have that respected

My consent has nothing to do with other women's consent?

I find the language used around this to be very weird.

Revenge porn is a crime, the responsibility lies solely on the perpetrator. If I send my partner sexual images and he then shares them elsewhere, he is the one in the wrong. I have not "effectively consented" for them to be shared. What I did might carry the risk that the man will commit a crime, but that isn't my fault.

Likewise, women who leave their drinks unattended run the risk that a man may date-rape them. They haven't "effectively consented" to have their drink spikes because they left their drunk unattended and therefore gave a perpetrator the opportunity to commit a crime.

Doing something that may make you vulnerable to a crime being commited against you, doesn't make it your fault or mean you have consented to it.

Dosent have to be his could be anyone's.

Dosent have to be his could be anyone's.

Well it had his face in it. Even if it didn't, my friend did meet him for a shag for I'm sure she'd notice if it was significantly smaller!

This was covered in the Panorama programme. 'Revenge Porn' is a very specific thing and that is a crime. However, it is NOT a crime to share your nude images if there was no intention for revenge. On the program, there was an example of a man who got away with it because he said that he didn't intend to hurt the woman. There law is very lax in this and so you need to be very careful.

Question for those who have been sent dick pics; How often, if ever, do you get a dick pic, solicited or otherwise, of a penis that looked small or ugly?

I think I was 15 the first time I sent a nude.

which falls under making and distribution of child pornography. And the person you sent it to guilty of possession of child pornography.

Just so you know. Presumably you were told in Sex Ed. Because my teenagers were told at school by a police officer (also at home). I would be beyond furious if I were your mother finding this out. Where were your parents?