Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Final morning thought as the thread will be full by tomorrow.

Remember to love yourselves first💓💓

Speaking of smutty chat and knowing the boundaries, I had a guy message yesterday about a lunch date today. We matched over a week ago and he'd been away on business so were going to meet this week. I said I was working and suggested next week to which he said 'Yes definitely. You are very sexy. Do you look like your watsap picture?' I said yes and then he said 'Good because I've had a wank over it ;)'

@Daydreamscometrue grim
I take it you won't be meeting now

🤮

@Daydreamscometrue Those are messages that I expect from some twats on Fab who only want sex.

On what planet did he think that would be ok to say🤦‍♀️
I mean I get it that he might want to wank over a photo but don't tell anyone!!

Daydreamscometrue

what an own goal
whyyyyyy

Nope! I had my reservations before but that's sealed the deal. I obviously didn't reply so I think he won't get in touch again regardless.

Well I've all but given up
The apps just aren't for me
Been desperately trying to find a friend to go out with this child free weekend with no success
Still working from home . Not that it makes a difference as I swore off seeing anyone from work a long time ago after many an awkward incident
Can't see how I'll ever meet anyone now

Feeling really shit at the moment , not helped by the fact I let my guard down last month with my stbxh and let him come home. He stayed for 24 hours before going back to his gf
On our wedding anniversary!

@fedup078 Sorry to hear things aren't great.
Are you actually ready for a relationship right now?
Have you had therapy in relation to your marriage and husband?

You need to love yourself first and build a great life before you even look for a man.

Could you plan some nice things to do this weekend that don't rely on friends?
I often go out on my own to places.
I've recently joined some meet up groups and a few women's groups and made new friends.

What hobbies do you have?
What things interest you?

fedup078

ouch , ex incident . bruising

can you for now freeze the apps , and take a break

if no friends around this weekend - what could you do that would make you feel better by the end of the weekend ?
be it gym , painting a room, day trip ?

when my kids are away I ‘treat’ myself to a major decluttering and dump run !

sometimes the algorythmns fail
amd you don’t sound like your in the headspace for flirty online banter anyway x

We've been split up for 1.5 years and I was doing really well until he did that
I do think I am ready for dating . I think now especially what he did had totally drawn a line and I know there's no going back now

I'm in a ton of meet up groups but unfortunately there is nothing in this Saturday though I'm going to one on Friday

I'd rather stay in the house than go out on my own at the moment as I know it will make me feel worse .

@Thisisworsethananticpated that's what I'll end up doing
I have loads of house stuff to get on with

@fedup078 1.5 years is still not much after a long marriage especially one which had issues.
Have you had any therapy?

What can you do in the house on Saturday to keep busy?
Decluttering or painting a room would both take time.
Or practice self love - face mask,hair mask,pedicure, manicure, lots of chocolate (or food of choice), a good book or magazine etc

Ive screen shotted this.. fabulous advice @ibelieveinmirrorballs 💗💗

@fedup078 I find going out for a looong walk really sorts my head out if I’m feeling down. You don’t have to be with anyone, you can have a nice coffee and cake along the way and take your headphones. Plan your time then it won’t feel as hard. Gotta fake it til you make it x

I second the long walk idea. Especially if it's raining! I live tramping across the fields in the rain then coming home to a hot bath and ordering in a takeaway.

fedup078

i meant to pause profiles until you are in a better headspace
otherwise it’s too depressing ! Makes you feel worse not better x

@fedup078 Sorry to hear how things are for you. I tend to leave weekends unplanned as the weeks are so full-on but lately DS(13 next week) has quite a few plans so it ends up just being me and the dog. Going for long country walks with her really helps. I read a lot mainly truck manuals but really enjoy that as well as its my hobby at the moment. Do you happen to have any nice neighbours? I recently started chatting to one who has moved in and we might get together over the weekend. It helps we vaguley knew each other because of the kids. Her bf situation is awful so we have that in common to unfortunately. But i just feel in a real catch-22 situation because i want to share weekends with someone but cannot make any effort to actually go meet anyone, if you know what i mean. Its really awful what your EXH did. Why is it so easy for men to pick us up/drop us like we really mean nothing...

Im feeling pretty down now! Over the whole MM situation. I was doing fine up until yesterday! Work is just a nightmare my boss expects me to be a mind-reader and i just keep failing at the tasks she is giving me. MM would have had some good/calm advice. They are both italian so he could often translate her behaviour, if you know what i mean, sort of explain the cultural differences. As they are super fiery then calm down just as quickly. I cannot ever see myself going back on any apps to be honest. I know there are some success stories but they seem so far and few between. And also the embarassment of being seen on them again after so long. Just grim. And of course @Daydreamscometrue because of exactly this reason too. SO VILE!

@fedup078 … I hope you can put your ex h behind you and get the distance needed for you to meet other people. I agree with what everyone else say regarding your me time. Little pleasures go a long way
@Naimee87 … this is just a phase. It will get better. And no MM is not the right person to give you support. You need to get out of this loop somehow. The thing that worries me is that you never got closure or any explanation so you may think he’s likely to re appear… this is cruel to you. Don’t forget it
@Daydreamscometrue 🤮🤮🤮👻 what a twat

@BelladiMamma . I think those points are ENTIRELY reasonable.
I would not have done the list but the fact is I use all those points and even more. I’m realizing I’m very difficult 😞
Worsy you are just readjusting to everything after holidays. It takes a bit of time to get things right but you will be just fine. Are you seeing Balkan any time soon??

Ok. I’m in BIG SHIT. I think about MrO all the time. This is quite mental. But I still had awesome time with MrEx … and yes he stayed the night and it was sublime. WTF AM I DOING? At least I paused hinge and I’m not using bumble either. Off the apps entirely. I can’t handle any more men. But what the fuck am I doing. MrEx is “I love you and I will always do” and Mr O is opening emotionally super fast and he treats me like a princess ( just like MrEx to be honest). I have no idea what the fuck to do . Can you love 2 men ?? Can you be in love with 2??? HELP

@Mila14 watching with interest as I have MrM this weekend and MrN tonight… although at the moment I think my feelings for N are growing and as a result will be less into M… time will tell.

Have you had chat with O about other people yet? I felt a lot better after being open about my situation and am trying to trust it’ll take the right shape naturally. In my case though only one of them is a romantic connection so is perhaps different. Do you have romantic connection with MrEx still?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs … MrEx is in love with me. I thought I told you. He protects himself but… I don’t really know how to stop it . MrO is just awesome too. I’m full on in deep shit. I don’t know what to do

Mila14

why are you shagging your ex !?
do you think the thing with Mr O means you can now shag Mr ex without getting attached again

do you normally shag him ?

whats done is done
but be careful

you are so funny
whilst most of us are in the post September back to life depression (I am)

your living your best life and sexing the world 😂

ibelieveinmirrorballs

and another one sexing away 😂

New thread - www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4628404-dating-thread-233-being-our-true-selves