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Original poster

Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

1000 replies

SortingItOut · 21/08/2022 06:21

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

  1. Develop a thick skin.
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  4. Trust your gut instinct.
  5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  6. Know your worth.
  7. If it's not fun, stop.
  8. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
20
Mila14 · 05/09/2022 20:12

Naimee87 · 05/09/2022 20:07

@Kenny69 my thoughts too on @Mila14 i’m in awe and find it thrilling at least someones having fun and success on the apps. @JangolinaPitt @Daisysunset My best friend is back Friday(i sound about 12, not 35 😬) so maybe i’ll ask her to try send a whatsapp to his number. He has an email address for me but i’ve had nothing. And i have another whatsapp number from a year or so ago. That chats in my archive and the photo is still there.

You are not blocked if you see the pic. It’s only checking whether this phone works or not. Go on and check

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 20:15

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/09/2022 20:09

Daisysunset

me neither ! I like to get limerence and obsessed with one at a time 😂

Yep, that's exactly me too!

Mila14 · 05/09/2022 20:23

I don’t know if I will meet anyone I’m obsessed with. I went through that when I met Mr Ex. I’m in a different place. I’ve learnt people are flawed and human beings like us. No man needs to be deified. The have past and baggage just like us. We don’t obsess about ourselves
I was totally obsessed with MrO after that first date. I’m cool now
I think I can’t over invest in one guy too long

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/09/2022 20:42

Daisysunset

my friend and I have a theory that we get limerence obsessed because on some
level we know they aren't right

so the wierd ass limerence kicks in majorly

so maybe when someone is calm and it’s healthy …

im less psycho about them ?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/09/2022 20:43

Mila14

you are mentally blessed

I’m not there yet

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 20:47

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/09/2022 20:42

Daisysunset

my friend and I have a theory that we get limerence obsessed because on some
level we know they aren't right

so the wierd ass limerence kicks in majorly

so maybe when someone is calm and it’s healthy …

im less psycho about them ?

Do you think so? I wonder if that's what it is...

I guess it sounds likely - if they don't call or text I obsess about them so on that level if they were right for me then there would be the right level of contact so then I wouldn't be obsessing over them. You might be on to something here!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/09/2022 20:50

Daisysunset

to be fair it’s in a lot of books and
blogs

i didn’t make it up !!!

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 20:54

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think that must be my next homework then.

Does anyone ever get fed up with working on themselves and analysing what you do or said and why you did it, how you should change it for next time?

Sometimes I just want to be me, and not overthink how I behave or how I might be construed. I just want to do me and have someone love me just as I am.

Mila14 · 05/09/2022 20:58

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/09/2022 20:43

Mila14

you are mentally blessed

I’m not there yet

Oh no no no… I’m an irrational cow many times sister!!!

Mila14 · 05/09/2022 21:02

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 20:54

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think that must be my next homework then.

Does anyone ever get fed up with working on themselves and analysing what you do or said and why you did it, how you should change it for next time?

Sometimes I just want to be me, and not overthink how I behave or how I might be construed. I just want to do me and have someone love me just as I am.

Agree… let’s not chastise and over analyze ourselves. Being US is ENOUGH . I actually agree that most times they are quite flawed and we still can’t see that

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 21:11

@Mila14 That's what I mean - we're bending ourselves out of shape to try and fit men who aren't all that themselves sometimes.

I've read my Mr U book, I know what to look out for - but when do men ever look at what they're doing?

I need to display keen but not be too eager, have time available but still have hobbies so he doesn't think I'm boring. I need to be open but not share too much. I need to be attractive but not wear too much make up. I need to keep fit but not be gym obsessed. Be a good mum but still have time to date. Work hard but not be career obsessed. Be financially secure but not be showy about it.

Know I'm in one of those moods tonight, I'm thinking about my first proper session with my counsellor on Thursday - last week was just a getting-to-know-me session.

And I'm watching MAFS and wanting to get married again. I pretend I don't want to get married again, but I think I do, deep down.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 05/09/2022 21:25

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 21:11

@Mila14 That's what I mean - we're bending ourselves out of shape to try and fit men who aren't all that themselves sometimes.

I've read my Mr U book, I know what to look out for - but when do men ever look at what they're doing?

I need to display keen but not be too eager, have time available but still have hobbies so he doesn't think I'm boring. I need to be open but not share too much. I need to be attractive but not wear too much make up. I need to keep fit but not be gym obsessed. Be a good mum but still have time to date. Work hard but not be career obsessed. Be financially secure but not be showy about it.

Know I'm in one of those moods tonight, I'm thinking about my first proper session with my counsellor on Thursday - last week was just a getting-to-know-me session.

And I'm watching MAFS and wanting to get married again. I pretend I don't want to get married again, but I think I do, deep down.

Holy moly how do you mentally balance all this, I can barely remember what day it is.
I just kinda wonder through life and hope I meet someone who doesn’t take one look at me run away screaming like something from the Munch painting

btw what’s MAFS ?

Mila14 · 05/09/2022 21:29

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 21:11

@Mila14 That's what I mean - we're bending ourselves out of shape to try and fit men who aren't all that themselves sometimes.

I've read my Mr U book, I know what to look out for - but when do men ever look at what they're doing?

I need to display keen but not be too eager, have time available but still have hobbies so he doesn't think I'm boring. I need to be open but not share too much. I need to be attractive but not wear too much make up. I need to keep fit but not be gym obsessed. Be a good mum but still have time to date. Work hard but not be career obsessed. Be financially secure but not be showy about it.

Know I'm in one of those moods tonight, I'm thinking about my first proper session with my counsellor on Thursday - last week was just a getting-to-know-me session.

And I'm watching MAFS and wanting to get married again. I pretend I don't want to get married again, but I think I do, deep down.

I don’t care about any of that shit. Honestly. I get super keen and all day on the phone when I like someone. I don’t play cool at all or any of those rules. I think it’s actually good I haven’t read that book !!!

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 21:30

That's exactly my point @HowlongWillThisTakeNow - I can't just wander through life hoping I'll find someone who likes the look of me because, in my experience, someone just liking the look of me isn't enough. I need to bring much more than that to the table.

Married At First Sight - highbrow television at its finest 😁

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 21:31

@Mila14 the second I display super keen they run a mile.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 05/09/2022 21:34

Married At First Sight - highbrow television at its finest

ah, I’m more Bangers & Cash or Open All Hours ( lots of family in Donny)

Mila14 · 05/09/2022 21:36

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 21:31

@Mila14 the second I display super keen they run a mile.

Why? I can’t help but getting super keen when I like someone. I don’t want to control myself that much. We are not robots. I can’t do the cool thing. Maybe we don’t date the right guys. I don’t know
… in any case I really really don’t want you to over criticize yourself. It really is not fair.

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 21:40

I can't help being super keen either, sometimes I've just been so happy with someone I can't help but display that. But without fail that has scared them off. So clearly they aren't the right guys, you are right about that.

Can I ask how old you are, @Mila14?

Mila14 · 05/09/2022 21:49

Yes . I’m 45 Daisy

Mila14 · 05/09/2022 21:53

i totally get everything you say Daisy. But then I also think I have enough drama at home with growing teenagers. I’m there looking for someone to add to my life in all ways. If it doesn’t happen I will at least have fun trying. It’s really difficult to do OLD. I’m learning this. I can’t get over invested because the guy I’m dating is also dating for sure. I’m at the beginning here. I don’t know how it is after months of dating like you have had. I run away soon enough after a few dates so I don’t know … 😊🙄😳

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 21:53

@Mila14 Thanks - I'm 52 and, although we're not a million miles apart in years, we are in the way we deal with things. I need to learn from you!

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 05/09/2022 22:00

All the best people are 52. 😂

Mila14 · 05/09/2022 22:19

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 21:53

@Mila14 Thanks - I'm 52 and, although we're not a million miles apart in years, we are in the way we deal with things. I need to learn from you!

No no no…you need to learn from other people or from yourself. I’m the wrong person. The only thing I’ve got clear is that I want a partner. Not a FB or a FWB.

Daisysunset · 05/09/2022 22:26

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 05/09/2022 22:00

All the best people are 52. 😂

Very true 😁

Thisisworsethananticpated · 06/09/2022 06:49

Daisy this Is worth a read
pairedlife.com/love/limerencelessons

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