Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Just had a nice satisfying flirtatious mini encounter with Turk.. which is amazing as I’m feeling really good today.. he couldn’t take his eyes off me 👀 nice little buzz for lil old me!

If I love myself first.. i luvs MrTurk 2nd (on my hitlist… hehe)

@Daisysunset Its fine to have solo hobbies but you actually need to do them to get fulfilment.
What are you interested in?

I have 2 dogs so I understand the restrictions but even getting out of the house for a few hours is beneficial.

I'm an extroverted introvert and I've found some good groups where people are not too in your face, we come together, do something as a group and then go home again. There's a little bit of whatsapp chatting while the next events are planned but nothing over the top. Suits me perfectly.

Do you know why you jumped from one unsuitable relationship to another?
Have you ever had therapy/counselling?

@SortingItOut No, no counselling. I thought I was sorted but now I realise I'm not. How do you find someone to talk to? I'm not sure why I just go from one relationship to another; I always have. Boredom and loneliness I guess?

@ButterflyOfShay Nice to have some actual flirting with Mr Turk, what a boost to meet someone hot irl, especially if they feel the same about you 🤗

Go @ButterflyOfShay How great to see Mr Turk today😍

@Daisysunset It might also be to do with low self esteem, we seek out validation from partners so being with someone fulfils that need but we should learn to validate ourselves and not seek it from partners (who don't always give it). We can get validation from family and friends too.

I found my counsellor on the BACP website, I searched within my area, read the little profiles, found one who sounded good and looked friendly and away I went.

@Daisysunset take strength from the thread title and love yourself. You are better and deserve better than breadcrumbs of a relationship with a guy who keeps You in your (unimportant to him) place. I don’t think you necessarily need a load of hobbies but just something that you do occasionally or more regularly just for you. I walk with my sisters a few of times a weeks - that’s my venting space, is there a friend or colleague you could suggest walking with a couple of times a week? I loved my yoga class before covid but haven’t got back to it but the teacher sometimes runs yoga in nature events where there is a walk/hike somewhere scenic and yoga and tea afterwards. Something like that is great to start chatting to people - not men but like minded women to build up a circle to broaden your life outside of any relationship.

And lastly there are success stories from OLD, I’m one of them:) just celebrated my first anniversary with Mr L, who I met on Tinder and who I would never have met in real life so I thank the tinder gods every day😁I did have a year of wrong ones before him but I count them as learning rather than failing and moved on each time (was hard at the time of course!)

I hope you find strength to end things with your iron and find the one you deserve

Here endeth my TED talk 😂

@Daisysunset well, I had been concerned about that but my Friday night encounter with a 42 year old has made me feel better on that score. 😃

I e been going to the gym a lot, and although I’m still old and chubby it’s made me feel more confident.

Still unsure though. Would prefer similar age but not set in their ways or old of mind

Loving all the TED talks this morning.

A few of my groups are women only groups, they're not anti-men, it's a safe space to be with like minded women.

One group does lots of walks and the occasional camping trip.

The other one does mindfulness, walks and sea swimming.

Its all so relaxing and makes me feel amazing.

SortingItOut

love the new title of the thread 😊😊😊😊
spot on lady

had a really nice weekend with my friend
she left today and I’m calmer and not feeling so lonely

it’s been a very strange and emotional summer

my current project is avoiding all the people that drain my emotional energy

fuck me there’s loads of them !!!!

ButterflyOfShay

ahhhh ! I bet he walks away from the encounters smiling too
that’s nice news

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

im sitting on that bench with you !
I’m just here for the moral emotional support

@SortingItOut you’re a great role model, love the way you’re so busy you don’t even have time to meet any fwbs now🤩

My day out yesterday was magical thank you for asking. Winston Churchills abode, with stunning grounds and loads of gardens, a beautiful meadow, cows, chickens, bees, flowers, it was exactly what my soul needed. I love his art studio too did you know he created over 500 paintings of his own and was an amazing artist 💗 love Winston Churchill 💗

Hi @Daisysunset (love your username 🌼) yeah IRL is the best isn’t it, I don’t actually use the apps as they depressed me too much…. I mean my little things IRL are unlikely to ever come to anything at all other than friendly flirty pleasantries, but on reflection that’s actually enough for me as I don’t think im looking for more than that anyway!

Thanks angel! I hope he does.. he 100% makes the effort to acknowledge and converse with me in public even when he’s with friends so I’m taking it that interest isn’t one sided but that’s all it is, but its good!!!
so glad you had a lovely time with your friend sometimes thats just what we need hey 💖💖

I second this about @SortingItOut being a great example!

I'd like to try FWB but I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I'd get emotionally attached and be in an even worse position.

When they put ‘kinky’ in their bio, I should avoid right? I’m not into kinky, based on what I think it means!

Depends what you are looking for I guess - I'd assume they weren't up for a ltr if they are leading with that!

@Thisisworsethananticpated Love this my current project is avoiding all the people that drain my emotional energy
When you start looking at who brings you positive things it's surprising how many don't.

@ButterflyOfShay That sounds like a great day out. I had no idea that Winston Churchill was an artist.

@Daisysunset FWB is definitely only for people who dontget emotionally invested. My heart is made if stone so I'm fine😂

@breakuphelp Kinky can mean anything and covers a broad range.
If you like his photos and the rest of his bio you could always match and ask about it.
On Fab loads write that they're kinky and when I ask what they mean they're not sure🤷‍♀️
I think a lot of man bandy it about but really they just mean they're in to more than missionary or they're up for most things.
For those into proper kinky stuff there are websites like Fetlife where they can meet likeminded people especially if their kink is niche.

So are you only looking for FWB at the moment, @SortingItOut?

I followed your story with Mr K closely - are you able to put aside what happened with him, and look for someone for the physical aspect for now?

And your groups sound great - where do you find them?!?

@Thisisworsethananticpated ❤️

@Daisysunset I am only looking for FWB as I'm not ready for a relationship yet.
Its been 6 weeks since I split from Mr K and I'm still gutted and if I talk about it to anyone I just want to cry so definitely not ready.

I found them on Facebook, the main one is Wild Wanderers - there is a main group that covers the whole country and then offshoot groups per county/group of counties.
From that I found over similar groups that popped up in my suggested groups.

There are also a couple of trendy WI groups in my area aimed at younger women but I'm too busy to join currently but they all look like they have a great time.

This creased me:
‘On Fab loads write that they're kinky and when I ask what they mean they're not sure🤷‍♀️‘

😂😂 classic!!

I Agree with the benefits of women only groups. I'm in a female only book group and have been for years. I wouldn't manage without having those connections in real life, tbh ❤️

I'd really like to find one of those, I can imagine the benefits from it @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers 😊

@ButterflyOfShay My definition of kinky is very different to a lot of men on Fab.
Some see a blow job and doggy style as kinky🤷‍♀️

I'm one of them annoying women on there who ask questions about their profile and what they mean and point out things on their profile which don't make sense😂
No wonder I can't find anyone!!