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Original poster

Is it Possible to fall in love from an affair

147 replies

3117e · 15/08/2022 19:35

So I really need some non judgmental advice please.
If your going to tell me how much of a bad person I am please don’t I already know!

So me and my partner became friends with another couple who we met through friends. Over time we got closer and closer until the 4 of us pretty much became best friends. They have 2 primary aged children and we have 1.

Anyway over a period of time me and her partner became close like really close friends but it became apparent that we both fancied each other etc;

Anyway fast forward a few months we find ourselves having a full blown affair any opportunity we bet we’re ‘at it’ the passion in it is just something else, something I’ve never had with my partner.

If we’re wt each other’s houses and I go to the toilet he finds and excuse to come upstairs to grab me or kiss me if only for a few seconds. We’ve spoke and both said no feelings were ever meant to come into it but they have.

Anyway I find myself thinking about him literally day and night; we see each other regularly as friends or one on one.

It’s very apparent neither of us are happy at home and we very much have the same needs and wants.

Jokes have been made by other friends saying how me and him are alike and my partner and his partner are alike how we should swap.

But I just want to know is it possible to keep this going?

We both very much want each other but don’t want to ruin our families at the same time.

Please no hate I hate myself enough but sometimes you can’t help it.

OP posts:
Runwalkskijump · 15/08/2022 20:17

You need to grow up frankly.

You are both shagging behing your partners back lying left right and centre.

Hardly grounds for a loving homest relationship is it

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 15/08/2022 20:17

Why don't you want to ruin your families? You're both actively making a choice to do that so you clearly don't really care. If keeping your family together was that important to you, you would end the affair.

GordonBennetttt · 15/08/2022 20:26

You never know, both of your partners might know you two have got something going on, they might be doing the same shit behind your backs.

GordonBennetttt · 15/08/2022 20:27

Anyway, it's probably lust, not love.

HaveYouAnyDreamYoudLikeToSell · 15/08/2022 20:28

This is not going to end well for all involved.

BuckarooBanzai · 15/08/2022 20:30

I'm really pleased my ex had an affair with my best friend. It allowed me to go and meet the love of my life. However the breakup has been hideous for the children involved. It just causes so much damage. I don't think you ever know just how nasty a split is going to get. Your situation is super messy the fall out is going to be nuclear.

MakeadealwithGod · 15/08/2022 20:30

It sounds like you are going to get caught.

InTheFridge · 15/08/2022 20:35

You don't want to ruine the families?

You already have.

FinallyHere · 15/08/2022 20:35

we find ourselves having a full blown affair

I'm very sorry you appear to have lost any agency in your choices.

Imissmoominmama · 15/08/2022 20:42

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Catlover1970 · 15/08/2022 21:33

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MsDogLady · 15/08/2022 21:33

Over time we got closer and closer until the 4 of us pretty much became best friends.

You are humiliating your partners with their best friends. This is a double betrayal you are heaping on your families, and you’re twisting the knife by carrying on upstairs during gatherings — IN YOUR CHILDREN’S HOMES. That takes the utter contempt and disrespect to another level.

…but sometimes you can’t help it.

You can. You have agency over your actions and there is no justification for your infidelity and disloyalty. You need to find your integrity and end this train wreck affair that will cause untold damage. Work on your marriage or end it with decency.

Lotusflower16 · 15/08/2022 21:40

Oh please, spare us the disgusting details and own your actions. You don't find yourself in the middle of an affair without your knowledge. You know what you're doing.
If you have fallen in love, stop romanticizing this humiliating affair and end your marriage.

Sandra1984 · 15/08/2022 21:40

We can only speculate while projecting our fears, insecurities and moral values. You need to have a serious talk with this guy and ask how he sees this relationship and what his plans are and where he thinks it’s going. You also need to ask that yourself. He may tell you he has no plans to leave his family and voila, there is your answer.

Tontostitis · 15/08/2022 21:41

Some friends of mine did this still together 25 years later they have 6 kids now 2 his 2 hers 2 theirs. He's had several affairs, his ex wife has never recovered from her best friend and her dh cheating on her. Her dh moved on but is again single myself and all of the rest of our friendship group were fairly blindsided tbh. And we all stood by thebwife/husband. They moved towns, jobs and she lost custody of her older dc for a couple of years.

Workyticket · 15/08/2022 21:45

This is one of the most selfish things I've read on here.

Groping in each other's houses where your children and 'friends' are?

Do neither of you have any grace or morals?

TheMossEnthusiast · 15/08/2022 21:54

What a magnificent mess - keep posting updates please, these sorts of threads are always very juicy.

Badromancer · 15/08/2022 21:56

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Cosycover · 15/08/2022 21:57

You are not in love. Yous are both bored with your lives and are going to absolutely destroy two families so bravo.

Sneaking kisses whilst your partners are downstairs. Vile.

sunlovingcriminal · 15/08/2022 21:59

So, whilst he's nipping upstairs to give you a hot steamy kiss, whilst you're on the bog, what are your partners downstairs doing?

... seems spurious to me that your partners are so condoning of your cozy relationship with the husband, and genuinely suspect nothing...

Maybe they're at it too? Think that would be just deserts...

Isittrueornot · 15/08/2022 22:02

Of course people in affairs can fall in love. However, as the woman in this scenario, tread carefully!

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 15/08/2022 22:03

When you say you don't want to hurt your families, what do you mean by this?

There is no way they aren't going to be hurt.

Either:

  • they catch you and it all blows up. Everyone breaks up including you two because you realise that it's not meant to be
  • they catch you, it blows up, his wife decides to forgive him and he realises what he's going to lose. Your husband doesn't and you end up alone
  • same as above but it's you who doesn't get divorced and you spend your life trying to earn back the trust and respect from your partner while probably being accused of having affairs forever
  • you and your AP decide to give it a go, confess and be together. Suddenly your life is boring again and you miss your friendship group.

None of those sound fun tbh. Of course there is the possibility that you do somehow end up happy but that's very unlikely

yougotthelook · 15/08/2022 22:06

3117e · 15/08/2022 19:35

So I really need some non judgmental advice please.
If your going to tell me how much of a bad person I am please don’t I already know!

So me and my partner became friends with another couple who we met through friends. Over time we got closer and closer until the 4 of us pretty much became best friends. They have 2 primary aged children and we have 1.

Anyway over a period of time me and her partner became close like really close friends but it became apparent that we both fancied each other etc;

Anyway fast forward a few months we find ourselves having a full blown affair any opportunity we bet we’re ‘at it’ the passion in it is just something else, something I’ve never had with my partner.

If we’re wt each other’s houses and I go to the toilet he finds and excuse to come upstairs to grab me or kiss me if only for a few seconds. We’ve spoke and both said no feelings were ever meant to come into it but they have.

Anyway I find myself thinking about him literally day and night; we see each other regularly as friends or one on one.

It’s very apparent neither of us are happy at home and we very much have the same needs and wants.

Jokes have been made by other friends saying how me and him are alike and my partner and his partner are alike how we should swap.

But I just want to know is it possible to keep this going?

We both very much want each other but don’t want to ruin our families at the same time.

Please no hate I hate myself enough but sometimes you can’t help it.

This is beyond grubby.
It's going to end in a massive shit storm and there is absolutely no way your "love" will survive it.
I know you wanted no harsh words to be said but read your post back to yourself...then imagine YOU are the one sitting on the sofa whilst your husband is upstairs fingering your best friend.
Poor kids.

ILoveMonday · 15/08/2022 22:09

My advice would be to go no contact with him and sort your marriage out. If it is love, then it will wait until the decree absolute comes through the door. If it's not, at least your husband won't be subjected to the lying.

Reluctantadult · 15/08/2022 22:12

Well yes it is, my mum has an affair with my best friends dad when i was 12, my parents stayed together for the sake of us kids, but split up when I was 18. Her affair partner was eating rice crispies in our kitchen 2 days later. I'm 40 now and they're still together so it obviously was real. But still not so good for the original families and kids. Me and my siblings are ok and have good relationships. But my best friend and her sister never spoke to their dad again.