Is it Possible to fall in love from an affair

[3117e]

So I really need some non judgmental advice please.
If your going to tell me how much of a bad person I am please don’t I already know!

So me and my partner became friends with another couple who we met through friends. Over time we got closer and closer until the 4 of us pretty much became best friends. They have 2 primary aged children and we have 1.

Anyway over a period of time me and her partner became close like really close friends but it became apparent that we both fancied each other etc;

Anyway fast forward a few months we find ourselves having a full blown affair any opportunity we bet we’re ‘at it’ the passion in it is just something else, something I’ve never had with my partner.

If we’re wt each other’s houses and I go to the toilet he finds and excuse to come upstairs to grab me or kiss me if only for a few seconds. We’ve spoke and both said no feelings were ever meant to come into it but they have.

Anyway I find myself thinking about him literally day and night; we see each other regularly as friends or one on one.

It’s very apparent neither of us are happy at home and we very much have the same needs and wants.

Jokes have been made by other friends saying how me and him are alike and my partner and his partner are alike how we should swap.

But I just want to know is it possible to keep this going?

We both very much want each other but don’t want to ruin our families at the same time.

Please no hate I hate myself enough but sometimes you can’t help it.

You know those “jokes” everyone is making. It’s because everyone knows you’re “at it” and they are embarrassed for you and your partners.

You didn't find yourselves having an affair. You both made a choice to do that.

sometimes you can’t help it.

No you really can. You’re choosing not to.

You could maybe make a go of it together. The problem is, all the things that make life hard with your current partners will port over into the new relationship; and the pressures will be more, not less. You will have far less money as the 4 of you will need 3 houses not 2. You will feel guilt over your children, not seeing them all the time. If he puts his children first in the new relationship, it will be hard on your relationship- yet if he doesn't, you will lose respect for him as a deadbeat.

And you don't have the longevity you have with your husband. Do you share the same parenting approach, attitude to money, to the future, to work? Does he pull his weight at home? When you're having crazy free spirited sex, you are like 20 year olds. It's liberating. But what would he be like as a real partner, a real dad? He's not really that 20 year old.

On the other hand, you can't put this back in the box. You will need a reckoning with your husband - either when he finds out (because he will) or when you leave him - or when you can't bear it any more. Could you imagine letting it fizzle out, and trying to be more honest with your spouse? You're not there yet but you might get there.

Primary school age is a long slog until the children are old enough to let you and your spouse change things up. I don't think there's a quick fix of any kind here I'm afraid. Sorry OP.

I know someone who was in this exact scenario. They left their respective partners and eventually married. Been together for over 30 years.

You're not in love with one another - you're just getting off on the excitement as it's an escape from your humdrum lives.

Own up to your spouses, you are making a mockery of them and they don't deserve it. It sounds like certain people have you fathomed anyway.

Gross. It’s probably possible to ‘fall in love’ from this affair but it will be yours and his brand of love - that is to say he’ll be ‘grabbing’ and kissing your friends while you sit downstairs. So if that’s the love you want then yeah, it’s possible.

Genuinely, how do you think this is going to end? With the two of you declaring your love and everybody being all "totes understand, happy 4 u"?

It's not. It's going to blow up in a huge ugly mess of pain and recriminations and most likely the end of both your marriages and a significantly financially poorer life of negotiating residence and co-parenting and blended families and the odds are your little dalliance won't be so hot and compelling when you live with his dirty laundry 24/7.

You've made your choices. And this is the outcome. Tell your partner and end the relationship.

You don't just 'find' yourself having an affair. It takes planning.
This is going to end in a proper shit storm

You can’t have your cake and eat it.

It’ll come to a head.

Your respective families will get hurt – either because they’ll find out or because you’ll both decide to officially end your respective relationships to be together.

Either way. Everyone will get hurt eventually.

To be brutally honest, yes there's a chance you are more suited to this man than your husband, and you could live happily ever after. If you want to risk what could happen by perusing that life, go ahead

Yeah - this. They're trying to tell you that they know and your behaviour makes them deeply uncomfortable.

Jesus Bloody Christ!!

This does give me some hope thrn

Ps. Sure, it's possible to feel "in love" from an affair. Get off on the same man's dick enough times, especially if it's spiced up by being SECRET and NAUGHTY, and the hormones can pretty much guarantee it.

But this isn't the great love of our times. It's the boring, sordid story of two selfish cowards that we've all heard a million times before.

Your poor partners. How humiliating for them. You should both end your marriages regardless, neither of you have any respect for your better halves.

What absolutely sickening behaviour by both of you. Sneaking off to be together in each others homes? What if you got caught

The damage that you both are going to inflict on the children involved if this comes out is unbelievable never mind your partners.

There is no way to put this now you have crossed the line.

Of course you could both decide to leave your respective relationships and be together but all the fun and sneaking around will be replaced with trauma, divorce and co parenting with people who despise you both. With three children in the middle of it. Hardly has the same passionate appeal.

I couldn't be with someone who would so selfishly put their immediate physical desires above all else. The poor children and partners.

This won't end well, as there will never be trust.

If you both want to be together do the decent thing and end the relationships with your respective partners and deal with the fallout from that like adults.

And you can help it. That's just a cop out to allow you to continue to make selfish decisions that have the potential to destroy other people's lifes. You have free will no one is forcing you to sneak around with your friends husband who is your husbands friend!

Such low behaviour. Have you considered your wider family and friends reaction. I would have fuck all to do with a family member or friend who did what you are doing. It shows you are a completely untrustworthy person.

Are all the potential consequences really worth the high?

You want non-judgemental advice on whether you can keep an affair going? An affair you only describe in positive terms, with romantic snatched minutes outside the upstairs loo? Okay then. Very good. Keep with the updates I'm sure it will all come right!

I know someone who’s parents this happened to. The guy got bored again a few years later and cheated again.
the Mum left behind got with the other heartbroken partner and they are still together after 30 years (albeit miserably) there isn’t a happy ending for anyone I’m afraid!

☝️

This a disaster.

You may both be in love be, you may not. Howver you are taking incredible risks and will be caught. It will be a carastrophic fall out by this stage.

You either come clean and see if your DH would forgive you. Your friend definitely won't.

Or you say it is over and drop them. But I guess everyone will know why.

You are at a cross roads and need to make decisions. This is too involved to just be brushed under the carpet.

You say you don't want to ruin your families OP but intact you're doing just that. You need to leave your current relationship for the sake of your family and not stay in it to save yourself from feeling bad about what you've done.
You're partner or children would never thank you for towing them down to save face.
You have to take responsibility for why you've done and not so you can have the outcome with the man you're having an affair with but for the sake of your actually family.