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Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
MrsOwainGlyndŵr · 14/08/2022 08:32

Are you actually old enough to get married OP? Because it doesn't sound like it.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 14/08/2022 08:33

whenwillthemadnessend · 14/08/2022 08:14

I blame Instagram

Yep. Nowadays it's like a competition as to whose proposal looks the best of social media and gets the most likes.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 14/08/2022 08:33

Poor bloke.

He sounds like he put a lot of thought into making it romantic actually, he spent time putting together the bedroom for you both and to use that as the proposal "your first complete room in your home" is very sweet!

He obviously wasn't expecting you to go up to the bedroom until after dinner so he's had to do a last minute rush so you hadn't already seen what he had done before he could have the moment.

Give him a break OP.

girlmom21 · 14/08/2022 08:34

Maireas · 14/08/2022 08:30

Also, as pp have said - why were you getting underwear out of the laundry basket? 😊

Presumably she means a basket of clean laundry that hadn't been packed away yet. Weird that she didn't know the room had been unpacked but knew the laundry was in there though.

JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 08:34

girlmom21 · 14/08/2022 08:26

and she made no mention of berating him. She came on here to vent.

Her venting is berating him. Even privately.

I just feel sad for him.

She said she was disappointed he didnt wait. How on earth is that berating him? To berate someone doesnt mean you privately express disappointment. Your choice of the word berate to describe op is dramatic. It is certainly not accurate.

and how can you still be arguing with me that there are poster who have purely made bitchy comments and
nothing more? Theres are now dozens of examples of posters purely being nasty and making personal insults towards op, which you started this discussion by saying there weren't any examples of that. It is turning into a pile-on.

Liz1tummypain · 14/08/2022 08:34

I’m sure you’ll laugh about it one day. I don’t know why you’re worrying.he must have been so nervous. Don’t dwell on it

Blobblobblob · 14/08/2022 08:35

I honestly laughed out loud.

Hope you have a great marriage and this becomes a funny story for you.

But honestly, you really need to chill out. This is real life not a movie.

Thefailinghousewife · 14/08/2022 08:35

I sort of get this - my DH proposed when I was just out the shower, no moisturiser on and feeling clammy as bathroom was humid. I felt less than attractive and it was the sort of point in time where if he had shouted from downstairs I would have said “just a minute, I’m getting ready”. In his head, he had been waiting for me to come out the bathroom and getting more anxious though, so just wanted to do it!

we joke about it now as I cried then said I needed to put my moisturiser on and could he bugger off let me get ready!

our wedding was beautiful, I hope our marriage will continue to be beautiful. It’s one moment in your lifetime - the proposal is not the important part of your story together. Congratulations on your engagement!

MalagaNights · 14/08/2022 08:36

Once you've already decided to get married and bought a ring, I don't understand how someone asking you a question you know they're going to ask, and you giving an answer that they already know the answer to, as you've already discussed it and bought a ring, is in any way special or romantic.

The actual proposal happened at some point before you bought the ring.

It's just a staged version of something you've already done.

Saying that he obviously knew it was important to you, tried hard, and it's a lovely funny personal story, with the tidy room, no knickers and faffing with the blind.

You should have laughed your head off and then shagged him senseless, he sounds great. Congratulations.

Zonder · 14/08/2022 08:37

OP I think you need to just rephrase how it happened. Don't fixate on not wearing underwear and him finding you rummaging in the laundry. Focus on him proposing to you in the first finished room on the evening of buying your house together. That's what happened and that's what you tell people. And that becomes what you remember, and it's lovely and romantic.

LadyWithLapdog · 14/08/2022 08:37

Sounds like a sweet proposal. Congratulations on the new home too.

dreamygirl25 · 14/08/2022 08:37

If you bought the ring together sometime before you should really consider that the time you got engaged. Me and my husband didn't even have a prososal. Was more like 'shall we get married later those year then?' 'yeah OK'. Not very romantic either but we wanted to be married more than have a big wedding/proposal!
At least now you can be in complete control of the wedding etc so you can have that exactly as you like.
Sounds like he was nervous about proposing, had a plan to do it in bedroom and couldnt wait! He sounds sweet.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 14/08/2022 08:37

But until we marry women, we are stuck with make proposals!

Eh? Women can propose to men!

countvoncount · 14/08/2022 08:38

Poor guy, he had completed that room and that's how he saw it, your first finished room.
You didn't need the knickers.
Congratulations.

girlmom21 · 14/08/2022 08:38

@JulesCobb

I copied this from Google so I don't know if it will format properly but:

berate
/bɪˈreɪt/

verb
1 scold or criticize (someone) angrily

I think she's doing a pretty good job of criticising him.

My response to you didn't continue arguing about whether or not posters were being nasty...

Marineboy67 · 14/08/2022 08:38

Poor lad, dammed if he does & dammed if he doesn't. How are future discussions and decisions to be approached & approved if there's a certain set of criteria that must be met beforehand. "I'd like a casserole tonight" " Not possible its 16:11 and if you wanted casserole you should have asked at 16:00, there's a pizza in the freezer if your hungry" 😆

ReneBumsWombats · 14/08/2022 08:39

May I strongly recommend you let go of engineering perfect moments in your head before they happen before you have kids. Not only are you setting yourself up for disappointment but you're going to miss the good stuff when it does happen.

I actually think that's a frigging brilliant proposal story, very funny and touching. But I guarantee that after ten years and two kids, it won't matter. Or if it does, something has gone badly wrong.

ArnoldBee · 14/08/2022 08:39

And you didn't think to.propose to him?

Thesearmsofmine · 14/08/2022 08:39

I feel sorry for him, if you wanted a certain type of proposal then you could have proposed to him? You both knew it was going to happen anyway as you have already agreed to marry each other so it was never going to be some breathtaking surprise.

A proposal doesn’t make a marriage. My DH proposed to me in the horrible little flat we lived in at the time in our living room surrounded by ds toys, we’ve been married for 10 years. My mum bought her own engagement ring and they’ve been happily married for over 50 years. Stop feeling like it wasn’t good enough and look forward to a life ahead with the person you love.

MalagaNights · 14/08/2022 08:40

I'm wierdly distracted by the fact you were sitting downstairs without underwear on.

What were you sitting on??

Your fiance should start an AIBU about that! 😁

BellePeppa · 14/08/2022 08:40

Oh dear, does he realise he’s in for a lifetime of making everything perfect for his princess? The good thing is it will give you a much better story to regale your friends with than a big romantic gesture story that will just bore people.

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/08/2022 08:40

I think it sounds just lovely. A proposal that will make you smile in years to come.

He actually showed you what kind of person he is, one that does thoughful things like getting the room ready. Surely that is far more important than someone who prioritises what will look good in a picture or is more focused on the story than its meaning.

Enko · 14/08/2022 08:40

It's sounds like a thoughtful proposal.

My dh proposed after he came home 3 hours late. Then spend years using the joke it means he didn't get a telling off . I've always wished he would have put a bit more thought into it but we have been. Married 26 years. So I got past it

Bananarama21 · 14/08/2022 08:41

You sound like hardwork life isn't like a rom com movie.

Tibtab · 14/08/2022 08:41

OP, you’re human and you’re allowed to be disappointed. When we have things set up in our head one way and it doesn’t work out like that it can be upsetting.

I would recommend just moving forward and laughing about it in a few years!

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