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Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 14/08/2022 08:00

You're not in a film. You're a grown woman who will hopefully have a great marriage to a lovely man.

Why on earth make such a fuss about something being stagey. Move away from Fb and Instagram - that is not real life.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 14/08/2022 08:01

sarahbanshee · 14/08/2022 07:57

Honestly, I think that sounds as though he'd made a real effort and taken great care to make it a romantic moment.

You bought a ring together so have made plans together to get married but it sounds as though you had agreed he would choose a time and place to propose and give you the ring; you have to accept that in doing that you give him the right to make a decision about how and when. If you wanted total control over that you would not have had the surprise. You can't have it both ways - he chooses and surprises you, or you dictate but don't get a surprise.

You can now choose how to react. You can be delighted he took such care to propose in a special way and tell everyone how romantic it was. Or you can let this become a failure and take the shine off your big moment, hurting him and yourself.

You have a new house and you are getting married to a man you love and who loves you. How wonderful! Try to let go of the small stuff and appreciate that.

Really thoughtful response ^

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2022 08:02

When you bought the ring why didn’t you put it on then and consider yourselves engaged?

Ducksallovertheplace · 14/08/2022 08:02

Good grief if you’re going for a contrived proposal where you buy the ring together and know on the day it’s coming then it was always going to be a damp squib. Honestly get a grip!

girlmom21 · 14/08/2022 08:04

Bloody hell he can't win can he?

JadeSeahorse · 14/08/2022 08:05

Errm! Correct me if I'm wrong but surely there was some sort of proposal before buying the ring???
🙄

bakewellbride · 14/08/2022 08:05

This is why 'buying the ring together first' is ridiculous and completely defeats the point of the proposal as you know it's coming. Surely the 'proposal' happened the moment you decided to go ring shopping together.

Mamette · 14/08/2022 08:06

The knickers business was all in your own mind though, how was he meant to know what you were thinking?

He had obviously spent time doing the bedroom etc, it’s not like he didn’t make any effort. He was probably (understandably) nervous about getting it right and he had a plan and stuck with it.

I would forget about it and enjoy your new house, new engagement and new ring.

hashbrownsandwich · 14/08/2022 08:06

mattressspring · 14/08/2022 07:55

It's a bit of a farce to buy a ring together then expect him to propose isn't it? By the time you get to buying a ring surely you have already agreed to marry him. Why can't you just put it on?

This!

DappledThings · 14/08/2022 08:06

You've already got a ring so you've already agreed to get married. You've been engaged for a while. A proposal coming after that makes no sense anyway.

What he said about the first complete room in the house sounds really sweet and thoughtful. Who cares what you were wearing?

Thurlow · 14/08/2022 08:07

Yeah, the PP is right, he can’t win at all.

It makes a funny story, if you want a story - “so not only was I standing there with no pants on, the bloody oven timer went off at that exact moment!”

I’ve got a feeling that even if this man did some kind of full blown treasure hunt in Paris with a mariachi band, it’d still be wrong somehow…

tinplantpot · 14/08/2022 08:07

Wow.

Samanabanana · 14/08/2022 08:07

He sounds like my DH. Well thought through but poorly executed Grin

MichelleScarn · 14/08/2022 08:07

Why didn't you create an amazing insta perfect
proposal setting and propose to him?

Castiron12 · 14/08/2022 08:07

If you continue worrying about whether things were the perfect moment you may run the risk of the whole wedding process passing you by & not truly enjoying any of it! There is no such thing as a perfect proposal, remember the true & special meaning of the question rather than the circumstances!
Coming from someone still waiting 10 years and counting and would be delighted underwear or no underwear ;)

chubbachub · 14/08/2022 08:08

Wow this guy deserves a lot better than you (presumably) saying yes and being happy with him in the moment and then posting your disappointment on the internet straight away. You sound like you wanted a big Facebook proposal. Back to reality OP. I dread to think what the wedding will be like if the guy can't even get the proposal right in your eyes.
When you bought the ring together you Immediately put pressure on him and yourself to create the perfect moment. I honestly think you sound mismatched.

PrachtStück · 14/08/2022 08:08

He sounds really lovely. That proposal wouldn’t have disappointed me, no, I would’ve found it very sweet.

However, wasn’t this the second proposal? He must’ve already discussed this with you if you agreed to buy a ring? So you got two proposals, really.

SkirridHill · 14/08/2022 08:08

He'd tidied the bedroom! That alone would've secured my hand in marriage. I think it sounds like a lovely day, to be honest.

DreamToNightmare · 14/08/2022 08:08

The magic was lost for me as soon as I read, “We chose the ring together a few months ago…”

From your post the whole thing thing feels forced and staged and not genuine at all.

Mind you, maybe doing it when you you weren’t expecting it, I.e wearing nothing but a t-shirt in the bedroom was your partner’s attempt to provide at least some surprise and spontaneity to the occasion?

I got proposed to on my living room whilst I was munching on a bag of crisps and it was so ridiculously romantic because it was so unexpected.

Its a funny tale to tell the children….it sounds like a much more romantic and fun story to tell as opposed to a story about a staged proposal.

At the end of the day you knew months ago he was going to propose to you, and now he has so celebrate and find the fun in your story as opposed to focusing on your misplaced disappointment.

SapphosRock · 14/08/2022 08:09

Don't be silly.

It's a sweet story and you will laugh about it years down the line.

'DP proposed when I had no knickers on!'

It's about the marriage not the proposal or the wedding.

Seaweasel · 14/08/2022 08:09

Is this a new thing? I'm pushing 50 and either we secretly bought a ring and whipped it out at a moment that the other person wasn't expecting (touching but a bit old-fashioned) or proposed and then went and bought a ring when we could afford it (most of my friends did this). Feels like asking for trouble to have the ring and be waiting for 'the moment', isn't it just the elephant in the room every time you are alone together? Congratulations though!

JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 08:10

Could posters who are just being bitchy for bitchiness sake remember op is already emotional right now.

Tbh it sounds like he followed you up because his plan was that you would see the room completed, be suprised, and then he would propose. You telling him you needed underwear at that moment probably caught him off guard and then he had to rush that bit.

Changemaname1 · 14/08/2022 08:10

I don’t understand why some women get so bothered about this sort of thing

be happy you get to marry the man you love isn’t that what it’s about ? Not everybody gets to find that

Livinghappy · 14/08/2022 08:11

You are looking at the ..from my perspective the story sounds romantic. I know SM makes everyone feels they should have the dream proposal but what matters is the marriage. I think it's a story you can both laugh/remember fondly when you are older.

He sounds like a man who loves you and isn't into to "showiness". I don't get why you were hung up on knickers, did you want to be dressed up? I would encourage you to think if you really love this man. Are you likely to be irritated by him in a few years?

For his sake and yours, do some genuine soul searching and reflect if you think he "gets stuff wrong alot", because you will be back here in a few years saying you no longer love him and perhaps you knew it from the outset.

Just because you have a house and ring doesn't mean you have to marry.

alwaysmovingforwards · 14/08/2022 08:11

He did a nice thing and put thought into it, congratulations!

If you had a perfect view in your mind how it should have been done, you should have taken the lead, done the planning and proposed to him.

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