Disappointing proposal

[permanentgiraffe]

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

You will remember the real non scripted moments like this.

You won't remember the staged crap for social media.

You are being ridiculous. You should have just given him a script you had written and told him a date and time to do it.

As a op said, I blame Instagram. How shallow can you be?

I don't understand the proposal happening after you have bought a ring together?? If you have bought a ring together, you are getting married.

Anyhow, congratulations!

Also this sounds like a staged OP for the Daily Mail!

Honestly, your DP sounds lovely, but you sound like hard work. If you'd already bought the ring together then why on earth didn't you just put it on then?

The only reason for a 'proposal' in this case is for a story to tell, except that people don't really care or remember (unless it's a little bit funny, so he's nailed that).

Congratulations on your engagement OP. When it comes to the wedding please remember that like a proposal, the ONLY important bit is the words you say to each other, and the meaning behind them. Literally everything else is just for show.

I think unpacking and making the room welcoming is an incredibly romantic, loving thing to do. This also gives you a funny story about the proposal, which should make you smile when you remember it.

I was so startled when DH unexpectedly proposed, I burst out laughing! Happy memories. I wish you both much happiness.

Isn’t the fact that he wants to marry you the important bit? My DH proposed on our living room couch on a perfectly unremarkable evening. It was perfect.

And I think it’s very funny that Alexa went off. 😂

You knew it was coming when you brought the ring together, the magic was lost then as it was never going to be a "surprise".
Since then you've built up the proposal into something that he could never get right or "perfect".
Give the poor guy a break and spend more time on the relationship, you sound like hard work to me.
Don't set expectations that he is unaware of or are unattainable, you'll always end up being disappointed and him bemused.

For the love of god, will you just tell us what led up to you buying an engagement ring?!

(And also why your only pants were in the laundry basket… )

That's not really how engagement work is it? You bought a ring together then waited to be proposed to?
Surely you're proposed to first, it's not a planned event by both of you? You're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

You sound very high maintenance. He tried doing something nice for you and was probably a bag of nerves.

A marriage is a commitment, not a fairytale film.

Ikr!

A talk of getting married had surely happened & been agreed on by then.

So a proposal had already happened!

You want to marry him-he has asked.

The result is the same whatever the proposal.

Did he mean it?

Isn't that more important than any grand gesture?

We bought the ring together before my DH proposed. Basically he knows I'm fussy and my face can't hide disappointment so wanted me to choose my own ring. I had to stare at that bloody ring in the cupboard for 6 months before he proposed 😂. It wasn't overly romantic to other people but it was perfect to me. We were getting ready to go to my parents for my brothers birthday lunch and he got down to put the harness on our dog and then asked me to marry him. No fuss, nothing dramatic and it was perfect.
I genuinely think your partner thinks he did something romantic for you and I can understand your disappointment. But to me, the marriage is waaaaaay more important than the proposal. It isn't usually like it is in movies and it must be bloody nerve wracking to propose. So I'd just let it go if I were you

*As a pp said, I blame Instagram. How shallow can you be?

We bought the ring spontaneously as the jewellers had a one day sale on for the jubilee weekend.

This sounds incredibly romantic. Tell us more about this!

I know exactly how you feel OP, a similar thing happened to me where I knew the proposal was coming and therefore felt very underwhelmed when it didn’t happen as I’d hoped. Like you of course I never expressed any of this to my wonderful fiancé. What I learnt was that it’s incredibly difficult to get the moment “just right”, and I can honestly say that shortly afterwards I was just so delighted to be engaged. I also overheard him describing it to his parents with such love in his voice and I felt like such an ungrateful bitch!! The pressure on our partner is huge to get the moment right and it does sound like you foiled his plan by going upstairs. Please don’t worry, we had all sorts of comical things go wrong with our proposal! I promise you the disappointment will fade quickly and you’ll just be happy at the effort he made and that CONGRATULATIONS! you are engaged with a beautiful ring on your finger!!

(and ignore the horrible unhelpful comments on here, that’s the worst of MN as usual)

Wishing you much happiness in your future xxx

DH proposed when we were both in our pjs white, sweaty and vomity after I gave us food poisoning with a badly cooked salmon.

I thought that was desperately romantic!

Congratulatioms OP. You have a lovely new house and a lovely new fiance. :)

Go out somewhere lovely this week and celebrate.

I understand where you’re coming from. You wanted your proposal moment to be nice and meaningful from your point of view however your DP also wanted it to be nice and meaningful from his point of view. It looks for me like he’s made a big effort to unpack and to tidy the bedroom. Maybe he’s had this strong connections in his mind new house - new life and nicely arranged bedroom - nicely arrange life together and was really keen to show you this. And he obviously was nervous too.
Look at this differently: he didn’t care that you even haven’t had knickers on and wanted to marry you anyway. Can you go out to celebrate that you are engaged?

By the way mine was sitting on the bed and chatting about future jobs, without any rings. I said “yes” straight away and we happily moved on wedding plans. I was always very fussy about birthdays presents etc but it never bothered me that the proposal moment was so simple.

Actually, this is very much how it would roll in a rom com and they'd make a lot of the woman having no pants on.

Then the story would go: woman comes to her senses and learns what's important (Charlotte in SATC over her disastrous wedding to a wonderful man, Monica in Friends learning that the marriage matters and not the wedding, etc etc).

I suppose you could make it "woman never learns not to appreciate good things even when they don't go perfectly" but then it won't be very sweet or funny.

My DH proposed after we found out my Grandad who raised me had terminal cancer.

It wasn't romantic, he suggested getting married before my Grandad died as we'd talked about marriage in a few years time etc.

I chose 5 rings I liked in the H Samuel sale, he went out and picked the one he liked the most and a couple of mornings later he asked me to marry him whilst we were laying in bed.

I wouldn't change that for the world, in the circumstances we were given (obviously I wish my Grandad had never had cancer).

I think you fiancé sounds very sweet.

Exactly this!! You already had a ring & a house. I agree you put too much expectation on something that could never be spontaneous.
Try to laugh it off & move on, don't let it become anything big.

Poor guy

I agree with this.

He sounds very considerate, and a definite ‘keeper’

There are lots of positive aspects which in time will definitely outweigh any short term disappointment over his proposal.

Your engagement is just the start of what I hope will be a long and happy relationship. Congratulations.

We had a conversation about getting married went and bought a ring together and I said I'd wear it on Christmas Day so we could tell our families - I don't think I ever got a proposal?! It's so not important.. you've already made the commitment, try not to be upset about it. X