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Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 08:22

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:19

I am glad we chose a ring together as I have a very small ring size and he wouldn't have known that. My ring had to be made to order. We bought the ring spontaneously as the jewellers had a one day sale on for the jubilee weekend.

This was the proposal. How did that conversation go?

Sux2buthen · 14/08/2022 08:22

I've never said this before on here.
You sound like hard work

dudsville · 14/08/2022 08:23

OP, please copy and paste your post into an email to yourself to read at a later date, it's hilarious, and I mean that in a positive way. It's quite a unique and funny proposal story!

Forconfessingonly · 14/08/2022 08:23

I don't understand these situations...if you'd bought a ring, you must have talked about getting married, so essentially you were engaged already.

It just sounds so forced to expect a big "surprise " if you know it's coming.

I'm getting married later this year, for the first time, at the grand old age of 53.
My partner just said to me while we were sitting on the sofa "will you marry me?" I've no idea what I was wearing (although almost certainly had underwear on).
I said yes and burst into tears.

Also...(not the point of the thread) why were you getting underwear out of the laundry basket? Confused

Original poster
permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:23

I am not bossing him around, I haven't expressed anything but gratitude to him. I came on here to share my private feelings anonymously.
We are all allowed to have our private feelings, as long as they are not hurting anyone else

OP posts:
JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Read that again and think about how awful you sound.

willowglass · 14/08/2022 08:24

Sounds like you wanted an Insta type thing. But really, get a grip and grow up.

Sweatymess2022 · 14/08/2022 08:25

OP I think you just need a bit of time to process.
By creating expectations in your head (remember he isn't a mind reader) you're setting yourself up for disappointment when it comes to things like this.
It sounds like he really loves you, and on the grand scale on things this is something very minor.
Congratulations on the new home and engagement.

Maireas · 14/08/2022 08:25

whenwillthemadnessend · 14/08/2022 08:14

I blame Instagram

You're right. I think these curated social media moments set people's expectations high.

mrsfoof · 14/08/2022 08:25

mattressspring · 14/08/2022 07:55

It's a bit of a farce to buy a ring together then expect him to propose isn't it? By the time you get to buying a ring surely you have already agreed to marry him. Why can't you just put it on?

This ☝️

Quia · 14/08/2022 08:25

I don't understand planning to get engaged or be proposed to. At the point when you agreed to get married, which must have been before you bought the rings, you were engaged.

bouncydog · 14/08/2022 08:26

Your proposal was unique to the two of you so appreciate it for what it was. He went down on one knee - many men don’t. My own was when eating a meal in a pub one evening “are you doing anything next Friday? Why? Thought we could get married!”. Not the most romantic surroundings but it was our moment as yours was. Real life really isn’t about social media posts. I wish you the best in your future life together and hope you make your wedding a special day for the two of you how you really want it to be.

ancientgran · 14/08/2022 08:26

I'd love him forever for sorting the room out. You were already engaged, you'd bought the ring, the fancy proposal is a bit theatrical and Hollywood has alot to answer for.

A man who unpacks and sorts everything out for me or a man who does a fancy proposal? Give me the first one.

girlmom21 · 14/08/2022 08:26

and she made no mention of berating him. She came on here to vent.

Her venting is berating him. Even privately.

I just feel sad for him.

fghj149 · 14/08/2022 08:27

He was probably really nervous, don’t get hung up on it op it takes alot to propose to someone. The fact is you are engaged to someone you love, who needs to know the proposal details they are irrelevant. Congratulations!

birdfeeders · 14/08/2022 08:28

I thought proposals were supposed to be spontaneous and unknown. You've already chosen a ring and dropped heavy hints about the right moment by being upset - during a lovely moment with your DP crying - about not being proposed to rather than living in the moment.

Life isn't perfect. It's chaotic and funny and a bit bumpy. With you showing you being upset and ruining a nice moment, he's going to think right quick gotta do it now.

You just can't control a proposal like that because then it's never going to be perfect and spontaneous. YABU. Move on and have a happy marriage.

Ws2210 · 14/08/2022 08:28

Why is it ok to unpack and eat dinner with no knickers on, but not get engaged that way?

mrsjackrussell · 14/08/2022 08:29

He sounds lovely. Theres much bigger things in life to worry about. Live in the moment.

Maireas · 14/08/2022 08:29

I think that you have a couple of options.
The first - you decide a day and time, you dress up, with clean underwear, get the fizz out or whatever, and re create the moment as you would wish it to be.
Or, you can think - we've bought our home together, we've got a future together, and be happy with your good fortune.

Onandupw · 14/08/2022 08:30

A lifetime of disappointment awaits you OP.

Maireas · 14/08/2022 08:30

Also, as pp have said - why were you getting underwear out of the laundry basket? 😊

Whataretheodds · 14/08/2022 08:31

Maireas · 14/08/2022 08:30

Also, as pp have said - why were you getting underwear out of the laundry basket? 😊

Yes - in a new house?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 14/08/2022 08:31

OP, everyone is making a very good point about the fact that this isn’t your proposal but you’re just ignoring them.

You had already chosen a ring together so that - the conversation that happened then, when you decided to get married - was the proposal. How was that moment?

burnoutbabe · 14/08/2022 08:31

Samanabanana · 14/08/2022 08:07

He sounds like my DH. Well thought through but poorly executed Grin

Yep.

But until we marry women, we are stuck with make proposals!

Mine forgot why we had gone to the top of a particular tower, having chosen the ring 30 mins before. Luckily I just laughed at him.

Op- start getting excited! Do your posts for the world of new house with ring. Get your excitement that way now.

djdkdkddkek · 14/08/2022 08:32

I think having a fun engagement story is better than some staged shit

id love it if you relayed tne story with a grin - he panicked and proposed whilst you were rifling about for some knickers
that’s a fun and cool proposal
lighten up!