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Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
Original poster
permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:11

I would have been happy with the moment if he had just waited until I had gone upstairs to put underwear on, not turn up with the ring as I was rummaging around trying to find some. I feel bad about feeling bad, if that makes sense

OP posts:
Livinghappy · 14/08/2022 08:12

*negatives

JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 08:13

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:11

I would have been happy with the moment if he had just waited until I had gone upstairs to put underwear on, not turn up with the ring as I was rummaging around trying to find some. I feel bad about feeling bad, if that makes sense

But he completed the room as part of the proposal. So in his plan it needed to be then.

Livinghappy · 14/08/2022 08:13

@permanentgiraffe, Can you relate to his nervousness and not knowing underwear was important to you.

Original poster
permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:14

JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 08:10

Could posters who are just being bitchy for bitchiness sake remember op is already emotional right now.

Tbh it sounds like he followed you up because his plan was that you would see the room completed, be suprised, and then he would propose. You telling him you needed underwear at that moment probably caught him off guard and then he had to rush that bit.

Yes, this is what happened. He wasn't expecting me to go upstairs and the surprise was that he had completed the first room.

OP posts:
whenwillthemadnessend · 14/08/2022 08:14

I blame Instagram

FrancescaContini · 14/08/2022 08:15

Jeeeez. Poor man. It wasn’t as it looks on Instagram.

VJasper86 · 14/08/2022 08:15

I felt the same about my proposal.
There had been a number of romantic moments that he hadn't taken advantage of, and instead did it on a holiday that I had spent months planning (on the very last night missing all the romantic opportunities along the way while we were severely sunburnt)
He wasn't on one knee or anything, we were just sat on a bench.
Once I'd come down from the high of being engaged I was disappointed that he'd done it how he did on a holiday that I had arranged.
But he'd done it. I never told him that I'd probably have preferred it to have been done at home with some cupcakes that had "will you marry me" on because it was his moment, his choice.
The fact that he'd chosen me was the more important thing.
Try and focus on that. The proposal is one small moment in what is hopefully a lifetime of happiness. It will in time become an amusing story that you share.

girlmom21 · 14/08/2022 08:15

JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 08:10

Could posters who are just being bitchy for bitchiness sake remember op is already emotional right now.

Tbh it sounds like he followed you up because his plan was that you would see the room completed, be suprised, and then he would propose. You telling him you needed underwear at that moment probably caught him off guard and then he had to rush that bit.

Nobody's being bitchy for bitchiness sake. She needs to give her a head a wobble. She told him off for not proposing at a spontaneous moment when she thought he should then he made a huge effort and she's berating him for it.

EasterIssland · 14/08/2022 08:16

You’re gonna be a bridezilla aren’t you ? Please don’t ruin your marriage before it’s even started seeking perfect moments. You’ll ruin it

SolasAnla · 14/08/2022 08:16

Do me a favour tag me in to your wedding threads, they are just going to be epic!

Life is not Instagram, you have a partner who will put extra work in to his relationship, you need to cherish that.

Whataretheodds · 14/08/2022 08:16

I feel sad for you. Moving into your new house, playing your favourite playlist and letting it all sink in while being surrounded by boxes in the kitchen sounds like a lovely moment by itself. Could you not have appreciated that without thinking 'this is in an inadequate memorable moment because he's not proposing right now'?

As per PP, you had already bought the ring together, why did the faux proposal have to be stage managed. Either a surprise, or precisely the way you want it. You dont get both naturally.

DreamToNightmare · 14/08/2022 08:17

You said you would have been happy with the moment if you weren’t hunting for pants.

Why is the fact you weren’t wearing pants the pivotal factor in this?

I assume he was wasn’t planning on taking pant-less photos of you accepting your ring and putting them all over Social Media?

TenRedThings · 14/08/2022 08:17

Congratulations. I'm married 25 years. Marriage is a lifetime of and compromise, seeing each other in unglamorous situations, sharing the joy and sorrow and myriad complexities and stresses of life. Your proposal was like mariage will be, a moment with elements of perfection and imperfection, where two people declare their love and know they will be there for each other for always. Not having knickers on and the blinds open I'd say was the perfect analogy for married life. Ditch the fantasies if you want a happy marriage.

Original poster
permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:17

girlmom21 · 14/08/2022 08:15

Nobody's being bitchy for bitchiness sake. She needs to give her a head a wobble. She told him off for not proposing at a spontaneous moment when she thought he should then he made a huge effort and she's berating him for it.

Show quote history

I haven't told him off!

I haven't expressed anything to him other than gratitude.

I am just a little privately disappointed that it wasn't a bit later on after we had had dinner and I had underwear on. I already feel bad for feeling bad about it

OP posts:
BriocheForBreakfast · 14/08/2022 08:18

whenwillthemadnessend · 14/08/2022 08:14

I blame Instagram

Yes!!

OP I hope you and your soon to be DH remember this fondly as a funny and loving moment in your relationship. Not everything has to be picture perfect.

Congratulations! 🥳🥂💕

Hbh17 · 14/08/2022 08:18

You'd already agreed to get married & bought a ring, so why did you need "a proposal"? None of this makes sense.

ConfusedGin · 14/08/2022 08:19

It sounds to me as if perhaps you foiled his plans by going upstairs earlier than expected and 'ruining' the 'surprise' of the first room. It's perhaps not how he'd seen it going either but in the moment, went through with his plan.

Only the two of you (and now us) will know what you were wearing. I would be very surprised if anyone thought to ask especially as you were at home. Everyone else will be too excited about the ring and the wedding plans to care, and you'll hopefully get swept up in it.

Congratulations to you both

Original poster
permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:19

I am glad we chose a ring together as I have a very small ring size and he wouldn't have known that. My ring had to be made to order. We bought the ring spontaneously as the jewellers had a one day sale on for the jubilee weekend.

OP posts:
Meltingsocks · 14/08/2022 08:20

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:19

I am glad we chose a ring together as I have a very small ring size and he wouldn't have known that. My ring had to be made to order. We bought the ring spontaneously as the jewellers had a one day sale on for the jubilee weekend.

Yes but why don't you understand this was your 'proposal'.

JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 08:20

girlmom21 · 14/08/2022 08:15

Nobody's being bitchy for bitchiness sake. She needs to give her a head a wobble. She told him off for not proposing at a spontaneous moment when she thought he should then he made a huge effort and she's berating him for it.

Show quote history

There are many posters who have purely made bitchy comments and offered nothing else. One was simply an eyeroll!

and she made no mention of berating him. She came on here to vent.

londonlass71 · 14/08/2022 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:21

ConfusedGin · 14/08/2022 08:19

It sounds to me as if perhaps you foiled his plans by going upstairs earlier than expected and 'ruining' the 'surprise' of the first room. It's perhaps not how he'd seen it going either but in the moment, went through with his plan.

Only the two of you (and now us) will know what you were wearing. I would be very surprised if anyone thought to ask especially as you were at home. Everyone else will be too excited about the ring and the wedding plans to care, and you'll hopefully get swept up in it.

Congratulations to you both

Thank you 💗 I think you have it spot on - I foiled his plan by going upstairs earlier than expected and he had to take the moment.

OP posts:
DreamToNightmare · 14/08/2022 08:21

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:19

I am glad we chose a ring together as I have a very small ring size and he wouldn't have known that. My ring had to be made to order. We bought the ring spontaneously as the jewellers had a one day sale on for the jubilee weekend.

But you both must have known it was going to be an engagement ring?

So at some point one of you must have suggested marriage or asked the other to marry them?

Sellorkeep · 14/08/2022 08:22

Sounds like you are disappointed that the Instagram post-proposal selfie is ruined frankly.

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