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Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 14/08/2022 07:50

Perhaps ask him to do it again, when it is the perfect time for you.

Gut · 14/08/2022 07:51

Poor sod.

He faces a lifetime of getting it wrong, doesn't he?

StoneColdMedusa · 14/08/2022 07:53

He sounds lovely, congratulations

LemonTeacake · 14/08/2022 07:53

Honestly , your being ridiculous
but the whole thing does feel abit forced specially as you already purchased a ring together??

anyway. Try and be a bit more grateful . What he tried to do was nice!

Meltingsocks · 14/08/2022 07:54

Based on this post I don't think you're mature enough to get married.

Rainbowqueeen · 14/08/2022 07:54

Sounds to me like he was incredibly nervous.

It’s ok to be disappointed but spare a thought for his feelings and don’t tell him.

Congratulations!! I hope you have a wonderful life together

Fluffruff · 14/08/2022 07:54

Oh OP, I know you must feel a bit disappointed about the timing but you’ll soon feel better snd can get excited about planning the wedding. If you have any time off in the coming few days can you go to a beautiful location to spend time together or something like that? He can’t re-propose really but it might be nice! I didn’t have a v romantic proposal - I was in bed in my pjs after a long day when DH suddenly appeared with the ring. I laugh about it now!

mattressspring · 14/08/2022 07:55

It's a bit of a farce to buy a ring together then expect him to propose isn't it? By the time you get to buying a ring surely you have already agreed to marry him. Why can't you just put it on?

Regularsizedrudy · 14/08/2022 07:55

Get a grip

MrsTimRiggins · 14/08/2022 07:56

God almighty. Don’t be such a prat. You love him, enough to want to marry him, and he clearly adores you, quirks and all. Who gives a fuck whether you had pants on or whether the blinds were open or not?!

lickenchugget · 14/08/2022 07:57

Gut · 14/08/2022 07:51

Poor sod.

He faces a lifetime of getting it wrong, doesn't he?

Quite

whirlyhead · 14/08/2022 07:57

Mine proposed when drunk and fell flat on his face whilst I just burst out laughing. And he couldn’t remember doing it next day. It doesn’t honestly matter. I’ve never thought twice about the circumstances. You are now engaged and should be looking forwards not backwards. At least if nothing else you have a funny story to recount to people. Be happy!

sarahbanshee · 14/08/2022 07:57

Honestly, I think that sounds as though he'd made a real effort and taken great care to make it a romantic moment.

You bought a ring together so have made plans together to get married but it sounds as though you had agreed he would choose a time and place to propose and give you the ring; you have to accept that in doing that you give him the right to make a decision about how and when. If you wanted total control over that you would not have had the surprise. You can't have it both ways - he chooses and surprises you, or you dictate but don't get a surprise.

You can now choose how to react. You can be delighted he took such care to propose in a special way and tell everyone how romantic it was. Or you can let this become a failure and take the shine off your big moment, hurting him and yourself.

You have a new house and you are getting married to a man you love and who loves you. How wonderful! Try to let go of the small stuff and appreciate that.

MakeadealwithGod · 14/08/2022 07:57

What type of proposal did you want?

JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 07:58

I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.
this is where it went wrong, not last night’s proposal. He must have already proposed for you both to have boughr a ring together. You cannot have bought a ring without one of you asking the other to marry them. So what was that like?

think back to how you got the ring. What led to that?

but honestly I agree with you. What was the point in him keeping the ring after buying it together if his grand proposal was going to be ‘look! I tidies a room!’

HeadNorth · 14/08/2022 07:58

You're just not that into him.

Blabla81 · 14/08/2022 07:59

This reply has been deleted

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boysarethebest · 14/08/2022 07:59

Ffs get a grip

DivorcedAndDelighted · 14/08/2022 07:59

Seriously? As you'd already brought a ring together, there was never going to be much spontaneity in this. It sounds like you wanted the proposal to be a kind of ceremony in itself, or a ritual. But the "real" proposal was when you first made the decision that you were going to get married. What was that like? If ritual and ceremony is very important to you then perhaps you can plan a special date together very soon and frame it as, you want him to propose again while you are looking your best! I also have some sympathy with what @Gut has said. Don't lose sight of the big picture here.

JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 07:59

MakeadealwithGod · 14/08/2022 07:57

What type of proposal did you want?

Preaumanly one where she was actually also present on the moment, not going through a laundry basket looking for underwear!!

sjxoxo · 14/08/2022 08:00

You’ve put way way way too much pressure on this moment and I think your perspective is way off. The reality is your partner is probably trying to second guess what to do and when to do it to meet your expectations - he has proposed!!! Leave him to make the choices as he sees fit. He’ll never meet your expectations if you keep micro managing moments like this. Enjoy your engagement & let him take the lead! Congrats! Xx

Hermanfromguesswho · 14/08/2022 08:00

It honestly sounds lovely. He was overcome with emotions and nerves and didn’t do it earlier so he unpacked and sorted your whole bedroom to propose later. You’re in your new home together. He clearly loves you to bits. He’s working hard to unpack and get it lovely for you both. Enjoy it for the lovely moment it was. Who gives a toss whether you had the right underwear on or not!

IdealisticThinker · 14/08/2022 08:00

Congratulations. It sounds like he made quite a bit of effort, I can understand it probably didn't go exactly as planned for either of you but with time the memory of it may become a sweet fun one. Would make a great wedding speech. Try not to be too disappointed.

If you really want that picture perfect insta type moment maybe take photos of you both and your engagement ring somewhere you'd prefer.

SundayTeatime · 14/08/2022 08:00

Wow, what is wrong with you? I don’t understand this at all. I’m amazed he proposed on the day you moved house, anyway - as if there isn’t enough to do, you want a proposal as well, but only the right type of proposal. It’s really demanding of you. He proposed. That’s great.

Womblesaremyfavouritefood · 14/08/2022 08:00

I'm sorry you're disappointed; when DH proposed to me it was even less romantic (won't go into details, but I still tease him about it and we've been married over 30 years). Did you want a big, romantic gesture? Is this the type of thing your future DH would do? It wouldn't occur to my DH that it was such a big thing and that I could be disappointed. Congratulations by the way.