Disappointing proposal

[permanentgiraffe]

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

Poor guy. Give him a break , its often these funny moments that are remembered long after lovey dovey 'perfect' proposals

Its a great story for the wedding and for your kids.

Oh op!
I think movies, social media etc has a lot to answer for. My DH proposed to me in London 20 odd yrs ago on the bed of a hotel room after quite a few drinks. We'd been on the London eye that day and to the theatre etc but he'd never found the right moment so just ended up blurting it out when I was getting changed for bed! Wasn't romantic and the ring didn't fit either, I ended up swapping it. I was also annoyed he'd not asked my dad (yeah I know, I know!) Not the big romantic gesture I'd imagined as a girl!
We laugh about it now but at the time I was a bit pissed off. He's a keeper though, a lovely guy and an amazing dad just a bit crap about that sort of stuff bless him.

My partner proposed to me whilst getting out of the shower 7 months pregnant with our second child and everything was perfect. Until he posted a photo of us into his family group chat to let them know. His sister replied to other messages previously but continued to ignore the engagement message. His mother who plagues me every day by text did not respond for some time. She would normally message me privately about everything, but this time nothing. We were at dinner when this part took place, my partner was so mad he couldn’t speak. So we sat there in silence the whole time, with our 1 year old throwing spaghetti everywhere. My partner then “left to go to the toilet”, but really went to phone his sister and mother who proceeded to have things to say that never had been spoke about until now. I never had a problem with anyone in his family, there was snide remarks when I fell pregnant the first time that they would have distances to drive when I would give birth to get to the hospital etc. but I tried to ignore this for the sake of my partner. We went back to our room for the night, and I cried myself to sleep and my partner never spoke. The next day we had a family event for my side, I could hardly sting a sentence together without crying & me & my partner had hardly spoke a word since the night before but we had to attend so I had to get it together. I couldn’t even tell my family because I was so upset. The next evening my partner proceeded to tell me what was said when he called his sister and mother and they were annoyed that they hadn’t previously been informed. A full year and a bit later his sister has yet to acknowledge our engagement and his mother never even got us a card. I am still as upset as I was the day it happened and I feel it tarnished my engagement but I feel bad for feeling this way which is similar to OP. I have said to my partner about proposing again to forget about what previously happened but maybe I am a terrible person for saying this? After reading OP I totally understand where she is coming from, it is so hard because you want to be so happy. X

@Georgiegurlx - your partner's family sound rude and inconsiderate, and I'd avoid them wherever possible. However, you are living with a man and have two children with him. I'm going to say this - an engagement isn't important. Just focus on family life, raise your children and get married. Seriously. The proposal is nothing, so don't let it upset you.

I don't get this latest thing about buying a ring together, and waiting for a partner to propose. I am not criticising. Is this a new thing???

@Mississipi71 I have to say that I find this funny. It speaks of people who are trying to micromanage every single part of their proposal.

Clearly the real, actual proposal has already happened when they discussed getting married and then got the rings. Obviously, no one wants to acknowledge that, and instead, women like this want to pretend that the 'real' proposal is at the perfect moment of their choosing (with the perfect, pre-chosen rings). It's all theatre, all ritual, designed to be a good story to their friends or be the perfect Instagramable, Keeping-up-with-the-Jones' moment.

This. You've actually been engaged for a while.

In a way this is good training for married life. He will mess up and so will you. The good bits won’t be the expected moments. Your feelings are prob you having that moment of realisation so it’s ok to feel weird about it. Welcome to chaotic unpredictable married life!

It is a funny and sweet story.

Ah, in that case I agree with you. 😀

🙄

You are buying a house together ( this is a commitment).
You've bought a ring (this is a commitment)
Why in earth do you need him to propose formally with a big romantic gesture after all this. You do realise the media presentation of engagements is just about making people think they need to spend more money don't you.

I really hope you don't go into a wedding with the same attitude as you are likely to end up disappointed rather than happy on your wedding day.

What does engaged mean??

It means "engaged to be married"

2.
having formally agreed to marry.
"Keith and I had got engaged four months before"

Honey don't let where you were engaged or how disappoint you to much.he might be nervous or unsure of how you want it done. And doesn't want to let you down. My husband proposed to me as I was changing our son's poopy pamper with all our kids around. I was shocked and said yes and was happier than flies on 💩

He sounds lovely and you sound like you're expecting too much when frankly how would it have been a surprise when you both went together to pick the ring?! Either way it's done now, new house, engaged, go live your best life and stop looking for an issue when there isn't one.

I don't get this mumsnet obsession with being engaged the second you agree marriage is in your future.

I don't think that's exactly what Mumsnet users are getting worked up about. It's not so much the moment when you agree that marriage is in the future.

It's more the farcical nature of let's go to the jewellers. But we aren't engaged yet. Let's go and look at engagement rings. But we still aren't engaged yet.
Oh! Why don't you try a few on? But just so you know this doesn't count as a proposal.
Oh. That one's nice . How much does that cost? Can our budget stretch to it? Well, we aren't engaged so certainly aren't planning a wedding, but we could maybe buy this this engagement ring together even though we aren't engaged.
Why don't we bring the ring home and hide it somewhere just in case I decide to propose to you something even though we aren't getting engaged.

I just find it all very strange.

You'll laugh about it soon enough - honestly not many people can say they were proposed to, when trying to find their knickers!

Congratulations!

Years to come you will laugh about this, honesty it's quite a good story!

We tried for a baby for many, many years. I did a test & quite unexpectedly found out I was pregnant...Just as DH came home from work with a take away kebab for dinner. I burst out 'I'm pregnant' and he replied 'I'll put the oven on to keep the kebab warm' and walked into the kitchen. After all those years it wasn't the delivery I had dreamed of and definitely not like the ones on TikTok.. but we literally piss ourselves over his reaction to this day (& are very happy together!)

Poor sod.

If you wanted a big surprise proposal perhaps you should have let him pick the ring alone. I don't see the point in a big surprise proposal when you know it's coming. A bit pointless, no?
And I'd imagine asking someone to marry you, regardless of whether you know the answer will be yes or not is quite nerve wrecking.

My thoughts exactly.
to me it looks like he was trying to surprise op completing the room and the moment was perfect in its own way (even if slightly comical)
also the element of surprise was already gone when they bought the ring and op kept getting disappointed at him not proposing at what seemed like a suitable moment to her.
I also feel she may potentially bring this up in arguments in years to come. I hope I am wrong .

Not a lot of sympathy here-you forced the issue. He was probably having a lovely emotional moment earlier in the day and didn’t have the ring on him! Also he had hinted he would propose that night so why on Earth were you not dresses with hours of a heads up if that was so important.

you sound very ungrateful. If you had wanted a certain proposal you should have told him