Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 14/08/2022 10:54

This has to be one of the most childish posts I have ever read. I pity the man who is going to have a lifetime of being picked apart and always getting it wrong.

BeautifulWar · 14/08/2022 10:55

BIoody hell, you sound like hated work! It all should so dramatic. The scene you set sounds like you want life to be like a film.

rainbowstardrops · 14/08/2022 10:56

It really doesn't matter and hopefully you'll look back and laugh about it!

I'd been with my now DH for 5 years and we'd gone away to Scotland for a few days. We were travelling back and he pulled into a garage.
I thought he was either buying condoms or getting me a pack of roast chicken crisps but he opened my car door, got down on one knee and shoved a plastic rose at me and asked me to marry him.
I think I responded along the lines of, 'What the hell are you doing? Get up!'
It was a bank holiday in Scotland and he couldn't find a real rose anywhere because loads of places were shut!
I still playfully rib him that my 'beautiful proposal' was on a bloody garage forecourt! 😂

It really doesn't matter. Honestly.

Ffsmakeitstop · 14/08/2022 10:59

Get over yourself op. It's not exactly a surprise is it as you already have the ring so you were going to say yes anyway. Poor bloke bet he didn't know you wanted some soppy nonsense.
My now DH just asked if I wanted an engagement ring for Christmas. Last of the great romantics but we have been married 40 years so we clearly love each other.

OddSocksandRainbowDocs · 14/08/2022 11:03

Social Media sets such high expectations of the 'perfect proposal' when in reality, it doesn't need to be that way at all. I met my husband in very unique circumstances Grin which always makes people laugh when we tell them. He proposed in a car park. We always laugh about it and that's exactly what you should do Smile Congratulations!

KTheGrey · 14/08/2022 11:04

That's a brilliant engagement story.

ErmineAndPearls · 14/08/2022 11:04

My now DH proposed by asking me if I would like to go into town. It was New Year’s Eve (the day of) so I said, “ Are you mad? New Year’s Eve!”
”I thought you might like to go and buy a ring.”
”What kind of a ring?”
”An engagement ring!”
And that, dear reader, is how I was proposed to. I was delighted.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/08/2022 11:10

I think that's lovely. My DH proposed to me in the kitchen on Valentine's Day whilst I was in my dressing gown just out the bath lol. I was in complete shock and said how come you didn't do it when we go to New York (in April that year) but he said he was worried I'd be expecting it all the time, he had the ring and just wanted to do it.

Opaljewel · 14/08/2022 11:12

Sorry but I think you're being over the top. Life is about little imperfect moments, not overstaged instagram moments.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/08/2022 11:12

By the way I had no idea and had been with him 9 years by the time he proposed

CactusBlossom · 14/08/2022 11:13

I think that was beautiful. He really took you by surprise, didn't he? I would treasure that moment and laugh about how you were looking for underwear in the years to come. I genuinely think you don't want something orchestrated, it makes it artificial. He'd tidied the room and got it ready without telling you or asking for praise. All you've got to do is say "yes". If he'd said "I'm not proposing while you're half-dressed" that would have taken the joy off...but the fact that he proposed when you weren't "looking your best", shows that he really, really loves you. Take it, and treasure it! He's a keeper!

Kashmirsilver · 14/08/2022 11:14

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

Show him your post.
He'll hopefully change his mind.

KettrickenSmiled · 14/08/2022 11:15

Gut · 14/08/2022 07:51

Poor sod.

He faces a lifetime of getting it wrong, doesn't he?

Yes.

Being expected to read OP's mind - living with a woman who is not grateful to be able to buy a house with a man who wants to marry her - being assigned gender-performative roles by a sexist fiancee.

OP - do you like your new house?
Do you want to get married?
If yes - for the love of the goddess do not communicate your disappointment to your fiance.

And try to focus on all the charm, clumsy humanity & love behind your man's lovely proposal. he sounds like a darling, & you are being a spoiled brat.

What did you want - an instagram moment, or a genuine, human, relatable, loving man? If you had a "perfect proposal" in mind - why did you not propose to HIM?

WhereAreMyAirpods · 14/08/2022 11:15

Agree with everyone else that the "proposal" was when you agreed to get married and bought the ring.

The rest is jut fluff and theatre - poor guy being expected to put on a big romantic performance which is utterly pointless. This is the most precious thing I have read on MN and that's saying something. Think OP imagines she is living in a Hallmark movie.

Dalaidramailama · 14/08/2022 11:16

He sounds like a decent bloke. I would have happily accepted the proposal there and then without my knickers on 😉.

CloudCatz · 14/08/2022 11:16

Yeah, that's shit OP. Imo, proposals should be somewhat romantic.

Proposing during the emotional moment with the songs would have been perfect.

Most people I know who have been proposed to, have had it happen during some kind of date. So, one was proposed to after a dinner date, another while on holiday with partner, another during a simple cosy Christmas walk with the dog.

I think proposing while you're scrambling around trying to find underwear randomly, especially as he did it after you made a hint that it would have been nice during the music, is poor.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 14/08/2022 11:18

you bought the ring
he tried his very best!

WeAreBob · 14/08/2022 11:20

You bought the ring together. You had already agreed to get married. You were already engaged.

All this nonsense with crying in the kitchen together listening to your playlist and then him proposing in the "first complete room in the house."

Neither of you actually sound very mature.
You were already engaged when you bought the ring!

KettrickenSmiled · 14/08/2022 11:21

I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP I know you are getting a ribbing, & I've contributed to that - you've also said you've concealed your disappointment from your fiance, so well done with that.

But really - how can you come out with this once-in-a-lifetime nonsense & not expect to get teased?
If you want a Disney Moment more than you want a loving partner, keep focusing on your disappointment & allow it to ruin your relationship. You can then interview several more likely suspects, & assess how they might perform, Proposal-wise ..

Or you could remember that - like a wedding - a proposal happens in just one day. Whereas a marriage is for life (or meant to be), & it's best not to expect your spouse to read your mind, or assign performative roles to them.

ovenproof · 14/08/2022 11:22

Congratulations on your engagement OP. Yeah it does sound like a crap proposal and he should have put more thought into it.

But I also agree with all the posters who said why when you bought the ring together did you not consider yourselves engaged then?

Years ago my friend had this scenario. Ring bought and ready to say yes for a few months. It was all a bit weird and forced. Years later she really regrets it. Feels she probably put too much pressure on her OP.

KettrickenSmiled · 14/08/2022 11:24

CloudCatz · 14/08/2022 11:16

Yeah, that's shit OP. Imo, proposals should be somewhat romantic.

Proposing during the emotional moment with the songs would have been perfect.

Most people I know who have been proposed to, have had it happen during some kind of date. So, one was proposed to after a dinner date, another while on holiday with partner, another during a simple cosy Christmas walk with the dog.

I think proposing while you're scrambling around trying to find underwear randomly, especially as he did it after you made a hint that it would have been nice during the music, is poor.

FFS

If you want to dictate the terms of The Proposal, maybe you should be the one making it.

Instead of expecting Your Man to read your mind, & method-act Hugh Grant or Colin Firth in a 1990's rom com, to massage your ego & boast to your friends about.

AardvarkLaughs · 14/08/2022 11:24

If you think you did foil his plans by going upstairs for underwear earlier than expected. Just ask him. ‘Did I ruin your proposal plans by going upstairs for underwear the other night?’ He says no you can say ‘oh that’s good, I was worried it wasn’t how you’d planned’ he says yes, you can say ‘I’m sorry it didn’t go how you planned, let’s recreate it tonight, I won’t go upstairs until bedtime this time I promise!’.

Qwettyiiop · 14/08/2022 11:25

It's a good thing you didn't NC because people would definitely have been calling you a troll and I'd have agreed.

I'm guessing your languages of love isn't service because otherwise you would have appreciated all he did yesterday. No idea what your language of love is apart from perhaps perfect instagrammable moments.

You are incredibly ungrateful and really should give your head a wobble.

If you can't see all the good in your life, there's something really wrong.

Onandupw · 14/08/2022 11:26

don’t worry OP - you’ll break off the engagement bwxUs he won’t learn to do the right waltz for the bridal dance and you’ll get another crack at with the next bloke.

autumncrisp · 14/08/2022 11:27

Tbh I find the whole thing odd anyway. Same goes for any couple who buy a ring together before the proposal. If you're in on buying the ring you've already agreed to get engaged so why the need for a proposal I'll never know. A proposal is a question and its already been answered.
And then to be disappointed in it is just even more weird.