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Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
CloudCatz · 14/08/2022 11:29

Instead of expecting Your Man to read your mind

I don't know what's so hard about knowing when is a nice moment to propose or one that is a bit meh.

Maybe you should propse

Nah, I'd never do that. Other women can do that if they so wish, but I am traditional with proposals, and so is my partner so that's no issue.

UserError012345 · 14/08/2022 11:32

I understand.

However ask him to do it again.

Stravaig · 14/08/2022 11:32

@Maireas Exactly. If you want to script how the proposal happens, you do the proposing yourself, surely - not try to hint, inveigle, coerce it out of your beau.

KettrickenSmiled · 14/08/2022 11:36

CloudCatz · 14/08/2022 11:29

Instead of expecting Your Man to read your mind

I don't know what's so hard about knowing when is a nice moment to propose or one that is a bit meh.

Maybe you should propse

Nah, I'd never do that. Other women can do that if they so wish, but I am traditional with proposals, and so is my partner so that's no issue.

Meh.

You say "traditional".
I say "hidebound sexist trope with a side order of toxic femininity."

Do you like men who Treat You Like A Princess, too?

KettrickenSmiled · 14/08/2022 11:38

UserError012345 · 14/08/2022 11:32

I understand.

However ask him to do it again.

Sure.

Because it will be so much more meaningful & authentic when he's forced to evaluate his performance, adjust for audience feedback, & subject himself to the next critical review.

justusandmoo · 14/08/2022 11:39

Onandupw · 14/08/2022 11:26

don’t worry OP - you’ll break off the engagement bwxUs he won’t learn to do the right waltz for the bridal dance and you’ll get another crack at with the next bloke.

What a horrible person you are.

Sswhinesthebest · 14/08/2022 11:39

My dh completely ballsed up the proposal! 23 years later it is now just a funny story to tell!

InFiveMins · 14/08/2022 11:39

It was a shitty proposal to be honest, I sympathise OP. Why on Earth did he think you scrabbling around for pants would be the perfect time to propose? And the bit about the completed room is baffling too. Still, if he's a good bloke and you love him, let it go and just be happy to be engaged.

RiverSkater · 14/08/2022 11:43

Mental note of poster name for inevitable Bridezilla rants in the future. 😆😆😆

Dagnabit · 14/08/2022 11:46

Blimey. You should have provided him with a schedule so he knew how to do it right. I think he should run for the hills, though!

Imisscoffee2021 · 14/08/2022 11:50

@Maireas I loved my proposal, but was using myself as an example of how to defeat that niggling "will he won't he" when you already know there's a ring, as I knew it wasn't fair on him to keeping wondering internally when it would happen when it did, and also took away from just enjoying the moments like those I described. So he never knew I had a few ooh this is it moments as I just stopped wondering, and although we planned the ring and getting married as a team as we've been together ten years since we were in early twenties, it was still a lovely thing when he found the right time for HIM to propose. Just using myself as a similar scenario, but with a different outcome as was very happy with my low key proposal over a cuppa at home:)

CloudCatz · 14/08/2022 11:51

You say "traditional".
I say "hidebound sexist trope with a side order of toxic femininity."

I don't care. My partner wouldn't want me to propose to him either.

Treat you like a princess

Depends what you mean?

DivorcedAndDelighted · 14/08/2022 11:52

Actually OP, you and he sound sweet and you've made me smile after reading your updates. After this thread, when people tell me they've just got engaged, I shall have to ask:

"Did you have knickers on when he proposed?"

You know that old saying about making sure you've got clean undies on in case you get run over by a bus? I reckon we can re-frame that .....

RogueV · 14/08/2022 11:52

Wow. Another ridiculous thread. Ungrateful. Feel sorry for your soon to be DH!

Imisscoffee2021 · 14/08/2022 11:53

@Maireas sorry realised didn't say, my husband is super low key and quiet guy, and we're so untraditional in many ways, I think he just wanted this bit to be something he did :) we weren't fussed about getting married but had alot of funerals in the family in a few years so thought we'd get married and have our two families together once as we're from different parts of UK, and it was such a fab day and we love being married, was right choice for us :)

InsertPunHere · 14/08/2022 11:55

He sounds really lovely, fixing up the bedroom for you, so you had a fully unpacked room to relax in.

In reality you were engaged the second you decided to buy the ring. Don’t the the “down on one knee” stuff distract you from building a life together.

Oh, and uninstall Instagram, it’s doing you no favours.

burnoutbabe · 14/08/2022 11:56

i am finding it odd that anyone thinks its super thoughtful that the chap "unpacked the bedroom FOR HER"

i mean its both their house/bedrooms and one or other of them has to do it. She was unpacking downstairs and him another room.

but yeah him for actually doing some work!

MumofSpud · 14/08/2022 12:00

He needs to run for the hills !

catmothertes1 · 14/08/2022 12:06

mattressspring · 14/08/2022 07:55

It's a bit of a farce to buy a ring together then expect him to propose isn't it? By the time you get to buying a ring surely you have already agreed to marry him. Why can't you just put it on?

Indeed. Modern love sounds so complicated,everything planned and picture perfect!

DreamToNightmare · 14/08/2022 12:10

UserError012345 · 14/08/2022 11:32

I understand.

However ask him to do it again.

Ask him to do it again 😂😂😂😂

Maireas · 14/08/2022 12:10

Imisscoffee2021 · 14/08/2022 11:53

@Maireas sorry realised didn't say, my husband is super low key and quiet guy, and we're so untraditional in many ways, I think he just wanted this bit to be something he did :) we weren't fussed about getting married but had alot of funerals in the family in a few years so thought we'd get married and have our two families together once as we're from different parts of UK, and it was such a fab day and we love being married, was right choice for us :)

No, I understand that, I just don't understand why you didn't open the ring together, put it on, then have a romantic moment, rather than you being on tenterhooks/having episodes of disappointment.

LetHimHaveIt · 14/08/2022 12:14

RogueV · 14/08/2022 11:52

Wow. Another ridiculous thread. Ungrateful. Feel sorry for your soon to be DH!

Well, hang on a bit. I think OP sounds rather silly, and can't for the life of me see why 'in the kitchen surrounded by boxes' is any better than 'in the completed bedroom' (not indeed why the bloody blinds needed closing; fearful of drones?) but then the idea of a 'joint playlist' makes me feel a bit queasy, so there we have it . . .

But I don't think it's a question of gratitude. She shouldn't have to feel grateful that he proposed, ffs.

Sooverthisnow · 14/08/2022 12:19

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:23

I am not bossing him around, I haven't expressed anything but gratitude to him. I came on here to share my private feelings anonymously.
We are all allowed to have our private feelings, as long as they are not hurting anyone else

Well they’re not private feelings now are they? You’ve just shared them with a massive online community. And for what purpose?

mydogisthebest · 14/08/2022 12:19

I don't get the "big showy proposal" thing at all and, as many others have said, why would there even be a proposal if you had already bought the ring together?

My DH proposed when we were sitting watching tv at his parents' house. He just said "will you marry me". I said yes and we have been very happily married for 42 years.

Almost all the couples we know that had the big showy proposal followed by the big showy expensive wedding are now divorced.

Frith2013 · 14/08/2022 12:21

You discussed marriage, went out and bought the perfect ring...

then put it away for months?

Strange.

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