Disappointing proposal

[permanentgiraffe]

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

Oh lord if I let my proposal upset me like this I doubt I would still be with my dh, ours was Christmas day in his parents kitchen he opened the box and said "so will you" was I dissapointed no romantic gesture yep but that lasted a few minutes before it kicked in we were engaged and starting our new journey.

Marriage will be like this, there will be things he will do that irritate you, as not how you want it done, and vice versa but learn to let go of these little things because otherwise it will ruin your relationship

Good luck and congratulations 🎊

Well my husband forgot the ring on the occasion he planned to propose to me, on our return home he couldn’t wait any longer, I’d dashed to the loo to have a poo and as I emerged from the smelly bathroom there he was outside the door holding the ring box.

I thought it was funny and we still laugh about it now.

but honestly OP - you already had the ring, so you must effectively be engaged as you’ve already agreed to marry him? So I’m confused about all this proposal business.

Very superficial

WOW...talk about high maintenance...you 🙄

Exactly this ^

No criticism for how you’re feeling; I just think our culture sets us up to expect some magical moment and actually they often go wrong, are anti climatic, or can be quite stressful in ways you didn’t expect!

Assuming you’re happy about the house and the proposal, just enjoy the fact that you have a lovely person and you both have decided you want to spend your lives together 🥰 congratulations

Glorifying the perfect engagement seems horribly regressive to me, a throwback to when that moment of proposal was the only agency a woman had in her entire life. Marriage handed a woman from her father's control to her husband's control, but for a few heartbeats after the question was asked, you had the very limited agency of deciding whether it would happen or not. Such power! How deliriously heady! Of course, even that was an innovation on two families agreeing, informing you, and announcing it to the world.

I like to think we've moved on.

I don't think 15 year olds are supposed to get married.

I actually dont think you deserve him.

oh Please. Your reaction is ridiculous . You’ve seen too many ‘perfect’ insta proposals.

Poor guy.

Poor guy. I mean you had the ring for months- that's just ridiculous. If you bought it together why did you not just put it on!

Bit of a farce tbh.
You're going to set a date now for the wedding are you?

Bloody hell! Why the horrible comments people! I'm quite new to MN so perhaps it's normal but it's shocking.

Absolutely no need for it!

A proposal is meant to be a surprise when the receiver has no idea she/he will be proposed.
In your case the element of surprise was thrown out of the window when you chose the ring together. I don't understand what the whole fuss is about, really.

Sadly, it seems as though we haven't, @Stravaig.
Just look on these threads - women waiting for proposals, a house and kids already happened etc. These romantic notions are fine, but seem to have put the decision about marriage as the prerogative of the male.

You lost me at “he had finished unpacking your bedroom “ That would have won me over.

you'll get used to it

Hey, op, get some feminist credentials and stop this nonsense chat.

This. I do understand that you wanted it to be special.....but you had already brough the rings, so it was hardly this amazing surprise, was it?? I hope that you are in love with him as much as you are with romance and ritual.

The problem here is when you buy a ring in advance, you're on tenterhooks for every spontaneous or planned romantic or meaningful moment until that ring is on your finger. I speak from experience as my husband and I designed and chose the ring together, and I knew it had arrived as it came from the States so had to track the parcel. I felt myself getting frustrated when we found ourselves sat by a beautiful lake, or walking in calm woodland, or lounging in bed chatting for hours, thinking that would have been perfect. Just had to stop myself as it wasn't helpful to think like that and put pressure on the other person, who thinks differently and may not even be thinking of that in the moment. In the end I was proposed to in a very low key domestic way, and despite being together for ten years his hand was still shaking, love him to bits 🤣 your husband sounds really thoughtful and sweet with how he planned things, congratulations on your engagement :)

Poor bloke :(

I feel sorry for the pile on the OP has received, but hopefully this makes her rethink her attitude to fairness, equality, modern relationships, and to her future husband

DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room.

I just keep thinking about this - what a thoughtful caring man he is. Please, for your own sake, focus on this. You are making your future with a man who does something like this.

Genuine question, @Imisscoffee2021 - how lovely that you had a personally designed ring. But why wait for a lake/woodland moment? Why was the decision when and where to present it his decision?
You got a lovely ring, why not open it together, wear it, then have a lovely romantic day out?