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Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
DreamToNightmare · 14/08/2022 12:21

Sooverthisnow · 14/08/2022 12:19

Well they’re not private feelings now are they? You’ve just shared them with a massive online community. And for what purpose?

Show quote history

I imagine she was looking for everyone to agree with her.

I hope this thread has made her realise that actually his proposal was lovely and sweet for its own reasons and that the lack of pants is completely irrelevant.

Maireas · 14/08/2022 12:22

The Pantless Proposal.
😉

caulescens · 14/08/2022 12:25

I can understand why you were a bit disappointed that, having brought the rings two months ago but not declaring yourself engaged at this point - instead waiting for a staged romantic proposal? This one didn't really seem waiting two months for. However, it does seem better than it being all 'perfectly' staged and a bit naff.
To me though it sounds like you were actually engaged months ago - the point where you decided to get married at some point and then went out to buy the rings.
You've got a lovely new house and you've got a wedding to plan with a man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with! That's exciting! Congratulations!🎉

puddleduckle · 14/08/2022 12:27

If you bought the ring together months ago, what’s the point of a big proposal? You knew it was coming..
also, your engagement ring doesn’t care if you have knickers on. 😆

BadNomad · 14/08/2022 12:28

Did he know having underwear on was important to you? I don't think anyone would have predicted that would be on someone's wishlist tbf. The fella probably imagined you'd have a nice dinner together then retreat to the bedroom where he'd surprise you with it being completed then make his mushy speech about it being the first completed room in your new house together then propose and you'd cry etc. You spoiled his plan. He's probably on Blokesnet right now complaining about all the effort he went to being for nothing.

Chocolack · 14/08/2022 12:39

OP, maybe he just prefers you with no knickers on?

ladygindiva · 14/08/2022 12:51

Gut · 14/08/2022 07:51

Poor sod.

He faces a lifetime of getting it wrong, doesn't he?

I thought this. A heartfelt proposal from a caring man who genuinely wants to spend his life with you is a special and romantic event, whether it takes place on a gondola in Venice or sat on the toilet.

RooniIWazlib · 14/08/2022 12:52

0/10

canina · 14/08/2022 13:44

It's no wonder so many marriages fail when there are so many Disney/Insta expectations. My heart bleeds for your bloke who went to the trouble of making your bedroom an oasis of calm for you to be together in.

bakewellbride · 14/08/2022 14:04

It could be worse op. I know someone who was proposed to straight after doing the ice bucket challenge! She was sat on a chair freezing and wet through when she said yes and can be heard saying (it was filmed) as she walked off "now wasn't the time for that!"

canina · 14/08/2022 14:12

People need to lighten up and get a sense of humour - it goes a long way in making a happy life.

Anniefrenchfry · 14/08/2022 14:17

I feel I need to ask what is the obviously critical importance of you having some kecks on?

djdkdkddkek · 14/08/2022 14:21

Stravaig · 14/08/2022 09:30

(checks timings) You officially got engaged last night, and first thing the next morning you're on Mumsnet being disappointed? Do not go through with this!

So succinct
that’s exactly what’s happened. Shit gosh that does put things into perspective

IsThePopeCatholic · 14/08/2022 14:28

Is Getting the Proposal Right part of 4th wave feminism? Ay yay yay.

AardvarkLaughs · 14/08/2022 14:33

bakewellbride · 14/08/2022 14:04

It could be worse op. I know someone who was proposed to straight after doing the ice bucket challenge! She was sat on a chair freezing and wet through when she said yes and can be heard saying (it was filmed) as she walked off "now wasn't the time for that!"

That’s much worse than the OPs proposal. I hate when a woman achieves something or celebrates something and then her boyfriend proposes. There was one in the paper a while ago where a woman won a medal for wining a sports event and her partner proposed, I was like just sit down and let her have her moment!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/08/2022 14:41

BadNomad · 14/08/2022 12:28

Did he know having underwear on was important to you? I don't think anyone would have predicted that would be on someone's wishlist tbf. The fella probably imagined you'd have a nice dinner together then retreat to the bedroom where he'd surprise you with it being completed then make his mushy speech about it being the first completed room in your new house together then propose and you'd cry etc. You spoiled his plan. He's probably on Blokesnet right now complaining about all the effort he went to being for nothing.

Grin
Nocutenamesleft · 14/08/2022 15:16

Honestly the only time I ever recounted my engagement story was when it jappened

othet than that the only time I mention it is on Mumsnet.

I promise you’ll probably never recount the story again and no one will care in a few days anyway.

my husband proposed in a hotel room. It was perfect for me! Just us. No big huge instagrammable story which I HAD to photograph and instantly put online (neither of which I did!)

in a few weeks you won’t even care and no one will ask….

BellePeppa · 14/08/2022 15:25

Nocutenamesleft · 14/08/2022 15:16

Honestly the only time I ever recounted my engagement story was when it jappened

othet than that the only time I mention it is on Mumsnet.

I promise you’ll probably never recount the story again and no one will care in a few days anyway.

my husband proposed in a hotel room. It was perfect for me! Just us. No big huge instagrammable story which I HAD to photograph and instantly put online (neither of which I did!)

in a few weeks you won’t even care and no one will ask….

Good point. When I think of all the weddings I’ve been to and all the friends I’ve known who got engaged I never once asked about the proposal and they never volunteered the information, or if they did I never remembered any of it.

BellePeppa · 14/08/2022 15:28

mam0918 · 14/08/2022 09:41

Your not wrong to be disappointed or angry.

I'm not for big proposals (a proposal can be anything but must be MUTUAL) at all but women suggesting other women have to be 'grateful' that someone asked them to marry them half asedly when they dont even have underwear on and already told them 'not now' then is abusive and ridiculous.

You have every right to set boundries (and the boundries that you wanted to put your underwear on in peace and that you would be ready in a moment is obviously a clear and fair boundry) and to say 'no' or 'not now' to a marraige proposal.

Its YOUR choice not his, you dont have to accept someone disrespecting what you asked of them and frankly women scrambling to desperately accept anything even the senario you dicribed is really sad.

Its clear to any normally functioning person that the situation wasnt right, trying to catch you off gaurd when you are vunerable is actually a classic type of abuse.

Dear god, you’re funny😁

RooniIWazlib · 14/08/2022 16:02

Can't be bothered to RTFT. What page was this gem of a post on?

RooniIWazlib · 14/08/2022 16:04

BellePeppa · 14/08/2022 15:28

Dear god, you’re funny😁

Show quote history

Sorry didn't quote I was asking what page mam0198s post is on?

Lotusflower16 · 14/08/2022 16:07

@RooniIWazlib page 10

Maireas · 14/08/2022 16:13

Brefugee · 14/08/2022 09:45

sitting around with no knickers on then rootling around in a laundry basket for (already worn pants?) sounds über romantic.

It all adds to the Instagram ideal ☺️

ColourMeExhausted · 14/08/2022 16:26

There's so much pressure on proposals. When my DH proposed, we were in on holiday. It was our first day and he kept on insisting we went down to the beach. Knowing it was a good 20 minute scrambly walk away, I suggested we wait till the day after. But he kept saying it and I got quite annoyed with him! Turns out he really wanted to propose there! In the end he did it as we relaxed with our first drink on the balcony and I couldn't have picked a better moment. He was so nervous and said he couldn't relax till he had done it.

It's such a big thing for them, I bet your DP was all of a fluster and just wanted to pop the question. My mate proposed to his now wife in B&Q! That's real life romance, not some perfectly staged moment.

I do get why you feel let down but I think you'll feel better about it soon. No idea why we expect men to pull a perfect romantic moment out of the bag when they are not really renowned for it...

badbaduncle · 14/08/2022 16:32

Gut · 14/08/2022 07:51

Poor sod.

He faces a lifetime of getting it wrong, doesn't he?

This☝️