Should I Take Him Back

[tayla82]

Hi All
i have been a single mother almost 8 years. I was in a relationship which I ended nearly a year ago. The only man I’ve had anything to do with since my divorce. He is a confident, intelligent, hard working man. His daughters are adult now and living away. My daughter is only 12. I moved away when I ended my relationship with him, wanting to start a fresh chapter. Although he’s mature and capable, he is fairly domineering and likes things his way and gets snappy easily. He never said sorry after a disagreement and I had to make the peace. He was always telling me how to parent yet didn’t want to spend time with my daughter. She misses the town we were in as her friends are there and often asks to move back although I’m happier where I am now. Anyway the ex has contacted me saying he still loves me and wants me to come back. He will travel up and come get me and my daughter and we can stay with him until affordable accommodation is available. He will help get me on my feet. However he hadn’t changed in his views on my daughter. He’s already telling me what I can and can’t do upon my return and when we are in his house temporarily, my daughter cannot have friends over and I cannot drop her at school or pick her up, she must catch the bus. I cannot lie by her at night which I do every night for 15 minutes as she gets anxiety. He’s telling me I must work more hours and a general list of “rules”.
I don’t want to be controlled and even though he seems like he wants me back in his life, it’s too conditional and he’s not prepared to be a positive meaningful role in my daughters life.
it’s not easy being alone and I have feelings for him still so am I silly for being very uncertain of accepting his offer?

[Tails79]

He hasn’t offered us to live with him. He’s offered financial help to move back but says he won’t have anyone’s child living under his roof. He wants no involvement with her but still wants to tell me how to parent and tell me what a terrible job I’m doing. I would never have my child live in his home because he’s so domineering

[emptythelitterbox]

Good grief. Just delete and block this creep.

[Tails79]

Yes I will. I wonder if he is good at pretending to be nice - for the times he is nice, or it’s genuine. Reading up on narcissism it says they are masters of illusion

[Limer]

Bloody hell OP. You got loads of great advice last August, but it's now April and this piece of shit is still yanking your chain! Block him and keep him blocked. Why are your standards so low?

[Tails79]

As mentioned earlier, I blocked him several times then caved into his requests and unblocked. He told me I’m not being fair to ghost him. I caused enough hurt when I left town. Then I feel bad and allow contact. I’ve not agreed to move back and neither will I. It can be hard to recognise red flags and be decisive for someone like me with BPD. I will not be in any future relationship with him

[barmycatmum]

Geez. Is his name Fred West?

please have nothing to do with him

[Tails79]

It can be easy to get into these situations when you’ve not experienced any better. But also being far from home country, no family around. I’ve been a single mum many years. It can get lonely and then I become fearful but being single is better than being with the wrong person

[LilyMarshall]

@Tails79

He hasn’t offered us to live with him. He’s offered financial help to move back but says he won’t have anyone’s child living under his roof. He wants no involvement with her but still wants to tell me how to parent and tell me what a terrible job I’m doing. I would never have my child live in his home because he’s so domineering

I do not understand why you are still giving this man headspace.

[Tails79]

I think I’m just too soft but he does have some good points and that’s what I focused on when I was dating him and just overlooked the red flags

[minmooch]

Op since August you have received so many posts telling you this man is bad news. Not one person has told you to even stay in contact with him.

Do yourself a huge favour - block him and keep him blocked.

[Tails79]

I will and I appreciate everyone’s advice and time.

[Tails79]

It’s sad that someone is mainly only nice when trying to lure the other person back in. There’s a lot of people out there operate this way. Everything great when it’s going their way!

[BMW6]

It's much sadder that some people fall for it.

There's an expression from 1950's
"There's a sucker born every minute"

[emptythelitterbox]

It can be hard to see red flags.
There is the freedom program you can take to learn about red flags and how to see them.

Look that up first and sign up for it.

There is also therapy too.

[Tails79]

Thank you. I will look into the freedom program