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Original poster

Much younger woman staying with us...

478 replies

Idontknowwhattothink · 02/08/2022 22:36

I cannot believe I am typing this.

Myself, my partner and our small child are living together. I am early forties, he is early fifties.

We have a woman in her early twenties staying with us from another country. She is very good looking and is scantily dressed most of the time. This is not me being jealous, this is a factual observation. There is no way he has not noticed she is very attractive looking.

My partner is handsome, likeable, warm, engaging. But... He's not George Clooney and he's old.

This is the weird thing. If it wasn't so ridiculous I would be sure she had a giant crush on him. She really seems to always want to spend time alone with him, gazes at him constantly and seems somewhat besotted.

But surely surely not?

OP posts:
Mamato3boysand2dogs · 02/08/2022 22:46

Why not? Lots of young women like older guys.

That said, a lot of young women just like male attention full stop and are flirty by nature.

Either way, its about your DHs reaction and obviously if she is taking the piss, ask her to leave.

Shoemadlady · 02/08/2022 22:59

I'd be asking her to leave. Not because she (maybe) fancies him, but it's your home and she's being completely disrespectful to you! I'd give her a couple of days to pack up and leave x

Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 02/08/2022 22:59

He seems to be perpetually trying to put a bit of distance between them, well when I'm around anyway.

He hasn't said anything outright to me but it often feels like musical chairs, him moving away from her and beside me.

I haven't raised it with him. I keep thinking surely I'm imagining this. I would imagine he's quite unnerved and massively flattered. She's leaving in a week so I don't know if there's any point saying anything.

I asked him yesterday how his day went he responded that she was home so he thought it was best he stayed away from her so made sure he wasn't home. I didn't know how to respond so just asked him what he meant but then she came in and interrupted us.

Half of me thinks its funny, the other half plain bizarre.

OP posts:
Takenoprisoner · 02/08/2022 23:16

Who is this woman? You don't seem to know her too well. I get the feeling you may have taken in someone in need and are now regretting your kindness. Please save your marriage, and ask her to leave.

Geppili · 02/08/2022 23:16

Why is she staying with you?

Takenoprisoner · 02/08/2022 23:20

Geppili · 02/08/2022 23:16

Why is she staying with you?

I get the feeling she's a refugee or similar, as op hasn't said anything about who she is or why she's there.

Maireas · 02/08/2022 23:21

Ask her who she is, and what she's doing in your living room, all scantily clad.
Sounds like you need to change the locks.

EmergencyHepNeeded · 02/08/2022 23:21

I think it's disrespectful of her to dress like that if she's living in your house.

Sierra1961 · 02/08/2022 23:21

I’m a young woman and honestly, the majority of my friends wouldn’t go near older men so I’d have to disagree with a previous poster. If she’s attractive she will most likely want an attractive young man maybe a little older than her. Trust me I feel it’s rare for a young woman to genuinely want to be with an older man - unless he has something he can offer her, like a wildly successful businessman with tons of money for example. So, I don’t think you need to worry about her as such, I think you need to be more concerned about your husband. Do you trust him?

Sierra1961 · 02/08/2022 23:23

I think maybe you’re just feeling a little bit insecure and anxious about it maybe, so reading into things too much? It sounds like he’s making an effort to show that you’re his wife and the moving closer to you, putting distance between him and her - sounds a lot like this is his way of reassuring you. If you’ve been married a long time, maybe he can just sense how you’re feeling and is trying to make it obvious he’s with you and has no interest in her, for your comfort. ❤️

MairzyDoats · 02/08/2022 23:23

Have you got a Ukrainian staying?

easyday · 02/08/2022 23:24

Unless you explain the relationship between her and your family it is hard to speculate what she may be feeling.
Is she from a deprived background? Then she may well see an older established man as quite attractive. That she is obvious about it shows her youth and immaturity.
Is she a younger relative? A friend's daughter? There's any reason why she may be infatuated.
She seems to be making your husband feel uncomfortable in any case. Maybe she is even more overt when you are not around. In which case she is acting inappropriately and should be asked to leave immediately (and your husband can do it).

GreenManalishi · 02/08/2022 23:36

Maybe, you could have a conversation with your husband about it? It sounds like there's a great deal of unneccesary awkardness in the house, and that's the oddest bit about this for me. That paired with the fact that you seem to think your husband is the least attractive man on the planet 😂She could well fancy your husband, why not ask him if he's noticed, ask how he feels about it, etc.
Presuming you can't easily ask her to leave, this is your best bet as it will only get weirder if you don't unite fronts.

britneyisfree · 02/08/2022 23:40

Not sure why it's so bizarre.

Look at Carrie and Boris

TheWayoftheLeaf · 02/08/2022 23:54

Clearly she wants to cuckoo you Op. luckily sounds like your DP has his head on straight.

Lots of young women like older men who are handsome, funny, settled and have a bit more money than them.

SkeletonFight · 03/08/2022 00:02

She may have a giant crush on his passport and cash.

userxx · 03/08/2022 00:07

Time for her to move on, it sounds awkward.

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 03/08/2022 00:09

Au pair? Simple answer, pay the proper rate for live in childcare.

TheFormidableMrsC · 03/08/2022 00:13

I've not RTFT, I've skimmed at best but I do take issue with you saying early 50's is "old". Is it fuck. I've got an 11 year old and I'm about to turn 53. I'm most definitely not old in any way whatsoever!

UniversalAunt · 03/08/2022 00:36

@Idontknowwhattothink it seems that your partner is not that comfortable with her. Actions speak louder than words.

Why is an important conversation between you stalled by her coming in?
Why leave discussing this for so long?
Ask yourself why you two have not discussed this between you before - it is your shared relationship, your shared home, your shared responsibilities towards your child & life as a couple to communicate effectively.

Your guest? As she is certainly going in a week, smile sweetly at her, say how much you have enjoyed her staying with you & ‘here are some clothes, put them on’.

She’s not a teen living at home with her dad where she cannot be misinterpreted. She’s an adult guest in a family home, so she dresses accordingly as do all adults.

So yes, you should say something.
Cultivate the art of stating the blindingly obvious so that communication flows, instead of ‘imagining’ & pondering the weird.

AmbushedByCake1 · 03/08/2022 00:39

Early 50s isn't old. Loads of men still looking good at that age.

StClare101 · 03/08/2022 00:56

Why is she staying with you?

ittakes2 · 03/08/2022 01:29

I am guessing she wants your life.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2022 01:34

Your husband is in his early 50's and you call him "old?"

That's fucking ridiculous.

Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 03/08/2022 08:34

Thanks very much for the replies.

To answer a few queries -

She's not from a deprived country. She's doing a few weeks work here for a local business. The owner of the company (who I know through work channels) asked if we would take her into our home. Her accommodation was part of the deal so I guess it's cheaper with us than air BnB. She's leaving next week.

Calling my DH old was tongue in cheek. Sorry I did not mean to offend anyone.

My point is I'm baffled by it. I can only compare the situation to when I was her age (and also very attractive looking). 52 was absolutely ancient.

I keep thinking "she cannot seriously fancy him".

Anyway not a massive deal. She's leaving soon and if it's given him a massive ego boost then good for him. If there's any suggestion of them staying in touch however it would be a whole other story.

OP posts: