Much younger woman staying with us...

[Idontknowwhattothink]

I cannot believe I am typing this.

Myself, my partner and our small child are living together. I am early forties, he is early fifties.

We have a woman in her early twenties staying with us from another country. She is very good looking and is scantily dressed most of the time. This is not me being jealous, this is a factual observation. There is no way he has not noticed she is very attractive looking.

My partner is handsome, likeable, warm, engaging. But... He's not George Clooney and he's old.

This is the weird thing. If it wasn't so ridiculous I would be sure she had a giant crush on him. She really seems to always want to spend time alone with him, gazes at him constantly and seems somewhat besotted.

But surely surely not?

I wouldn’t say anything to either of them as I think this is more your insecurities at play.

You are wary of her and don’t like her much which is going to come across even if you don’t mean it to, which is probably why she’s more comfortable around your DH as he’s giving off better vibes.

If someone was after your DH they wouldn’t do it right in front of your face. They would be much more sly about it.

I’m a young adult and still have older man crushes as a PP said.

I feel safe around them and feel a connection which is weird but I guess there’s some daddy issues going on, however the thought of even kissing them makes me feel sick so I would never go there.

If you’ve ever watched friends I fancy Richard because he’s older and safer, but I’d never be with him (if I could) as he’s too old.

What is she dressed in?
Is she walking around in her underwear half naked or in shorts and t-shirt?

It doesn't matter what is going on with her. You have put your partner in a shitty position and are doing nothing about it. Are you testing him?

What?

Definitely she has a crush. Just ride it out for the last few days and don't have her back. I certainly wouldn't say anything to her.

My Gran had 3 kids with my Grandad …. he was 25 years older than her and married.

maybe they have already slept together lmao

But was he living with his family when she met him?

My DH is nice yes, handsome, endearingly besotted with his child, good humoured.

But I wouldn't be trying to steal him. I wouldn't try steal anyone and never would have though even when I was 22 and too silly for words.

then at some stage she will ask him to sit back with her

This is so weird.

Can your DH go and visit a friend for a couple of days?

Good one!

Maybe they have. Maybe he's slept with every woman I know.

Yes he was living with his family, and my Gran was lodging with them.

Oh bloody hell. Her boss has just phoned and asked her to stay an extra week as he was sick and got through less work than he intended.

He hasn't asked us yet. I think I will say no and pretend we have guests coming.

Oh my god. When did you find out? Or was it something you always knew so was therefore not strange just reality.

This is what I intend to do. What would I even say - you keep staring at my DH and trying to be alone with him?

What’s amazing is that she’s so brazen! Clearly your DH is uncomfortable. You, his wife, are right there observing her shenanigans. She gives zero fucks and has no boundaries!
I lived with a family for a month when I was that age. I was modelling in Paris so I was leggy and decent looking back then (for the record I’m now a massive tangle of saggy everything and varicose veins… some beauty fades. Mine went in a more ‘scorched earth policy’ type of disappearance!). My point is, I couldn’t have even imagined behaving in this way. I avoided the family (they were awesome but I had no interest in them, as selfish as that sounds). I just find it weird that her entertainment is flirting with some old dad. Why isn’t she out there, sinking her teeth into youth? God if I could go back to 23, I’d shag EVERYONE (under the age of 30 😆) under the sun. I honestly cannot see why this is fun and games for her.

Definitely say you have guests coming and it is not convenient (if there’s a work reason just to say simply that it’s not convenient and 2 weeks was all you could manage).

She does sound odd, no wonder you’re uncomfortable.

Is that relevant?

Sorry to call your beloved DH an ‘old dad’. I’m sure he’s gorgeous and lovely. 😁

You always picture these scenarios when you read them and in my mind the DH is played by Jeff Bridges.

Your husband has noticed too and he's doing his best to keep his distance. You're not imagining it. It's not that weird. Glad she's leaving soon. Go out for a nice meal with your hubby to celebrate his escape!

@TheVanguardSix we sound like we are cut from the same cloth.

Yes he is an old dad, I am an old mum. We are both lovely I think and attractive... to certain people.

Spurred on by this thread I had a quick chat with him. I said I noticed he always seems to be moving away from her, I've noticed a strange vibe from her. I asked does she flirt when I'm not there. He looked uncomfortable and said she's the same age as his daughter and he has no interest in her. I said that's not what I asked, does she flirt when I'm not there. He said no but then said would he notice, men are rubbish at that. I'm not impressed with that answer.

Literally as I was writing this I overheard him offering to drive her somewhere tomorrow. She could get the train. I am beyond irritated. And that's reminded me, he instigated lifts to this place before and was quite insistent because I could have done it too. I briefly wondered is he 'showing her off' to his lad mates that he plays sport there with then I forgot about it

Now I'm pissed with the pair of them but I don't know if I'm reacting to this thread. It's only a few minutes since I've said to him that she's making me uncomfortable and he's voluntarily and unnecessarily arranging to drive her around.

OP you need to stop!

If there was anything going on between them then they wouldn’t be so obvious in front of your face.

Remember some posters have no lives of their own so like to create a drama in someone else’s life.
Stick to the facts.

Your jealousy and insecurities are going to ruin your relationship over nothing.

Oh god he wasn't offering to drive her anywhere, he offered to drop something off. Now I feel a twit. I should probably step away from this thread.

I think I know what you mean @Idontknowwhattothink !
And I can certainly understand your frustration at trying to describe it.
I had that sort of experience many years ago. She would keep eye contact on him like she was waiting for his next utterance, like hanging onto his every word. She would actively go to hug him on meeting and on leaving, the hug he received being just that little bit too long. I couldn't understand it because of the 30 year age gap. I came to the conclusion it was because he was a naturally funny man and she was a bit in awe.

You should talk to your husband About it properly. From what you describe she clearly does have a crush on him. Although he's the one you need to be sure you can trust.

Anecdotally, when I was in my twenties I used to find older men hugely attractive, I still do, and the sad fact of life is that most men age way better than women, in my opinion men become incredibly attractive around their forties and it teams to wane a bit around late fifties (to me anyway).

@CallOnMe that's the thing - I don't think I'm jealous or insecure. I'm stating the facts. She is very goodlooking. She appears to have a crush on him. I find it strange. I'm sure he finds her open attention strange and is flattered by it.