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Original poster

Much younger woman staying with us...

478 replies

Idontknowwhattothink · 02/08/2022 22:36

I cannot believe I am typing this.

Myself, my partner and our small child are living together. I am early forties, he is early fifties.

We have a woman in her early twenties staying with us from another country. She is very good looking and is scantily dressed most of the time. This is not me being jealous, this is a factual observation. There is no way he has not noticed she is very attractive looking.

My partner is handsome, likeable, warm, engaging. But... He's not George Clooney and he's old.

This is the weird thing. If it wasn't so ridiculous I would be sure she had a giant crush on him. She really seems to always want to spend time alone with him, gazes at him constantly and seems somewhat besotted.

But surely surely not?

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 04/07/2023 09:56

You are all correct and telling me what I know.

There are too many unexplained things going on and I have been by his side through so much; his repeated job losses, mental health breakdowns, family trauma. It's such a cliché to find out he was betraying me, I can't believe it.

I asked for space after the flirty messages and for him to leave for 48 hours to a hotel or whatever. I begged him, said it was essential for my mental health. I couldn't face going to a friend's or my mum's and having to talk about it. He wouldn't, point blank refused and it went completely postal. Citing 'mental health' seems to be a catch-all phrase for him avoiding any topic he likes but where is the concern for my mental health when I'm begging for some space? After two days of asking him to please let me have 48 hours I got so upset that I walked into the hallway, smashed a bowl and when he came to see what the noise was I pushed him out the front door and locked him out. Our child was out playing with her friends at the top of our street. He phoned the police, who came and insisted I open the door. It was horrendous. I was sitting bawling crying on the couch and he kept bringing our child to the door.

So it did end up being me packing up and taking our child away for space. I needed this like a hole in the head as I've a business here to run. I had to trust that he would do it.

The gang of kids on the road have been asking me what happened, I've just said "look it's private so I'm not going to tell you but it's ok now." One boy (he's about 12) told me really earnestly that he heard about it and I'm such a lovely person, it's not fair. So we are the talk of the neighbourhood.

In the 'hobby group' the flirty messages woman got an award for something and there is a photo of her with some messages saying well done plus two really long ones from her two friends going on about what a great friend she is, how everyone enjoys her company, how she brings nothing but joy to the place, how highly she is thought of etc.

The aftermath has been such a shitshow that now I'm just about recovering from that and I can't really breathe. I feel like I'm being tortured from all sides and I have to just see this through now whatever way I can to get to the other side instead of getting pulled off in directions with irrelevant people who don't matter.

I'm sticking with the therapy for the moment but seeing the therapist separately as I want her to help with the split.

OP posts:
Rosietheravisher · 04/07/2023 10:50

Idontknowwhattothink · 04/07/2023 08:07

@Rosietheravisher I definitely won't be doing that. Let's face it the most likely is that absolutely nothing happened, she is a natural flirt so she wouldn't think anything of it beyond enjoying the attention.

So for me to meet with her and ask her anything would be total shock for her, make me look and feel like a complete psycho.

The flirty text messages with the hobby woman are the undisputed line crossing and I've already confronted her. She was adamant that nothing physical had happened and I was controlling for being annoyed about nothing more than messages. I get the impression from some posts on the local hobby group that there is a version of events being touted and I am absolutely livid that I'm being painted as the villain.

Now I want to avoid anything that's going to cause me to feel bad about myself.

Yes, I see where you're coming from and that sounds like good sense.

I'm just being a bit nosy I suppose. I am curious about the young woman and why she behaved like that, although my younger sister was a bit like that. When I used to bring boyfriends home she used to get all dolled up and practice her ballet moves while talking to them, doing splits up against the wall and stuff like that. Some women are a bit weird like that and I don't understand it.

In any case, you have more important things to deal with and you are doing brilliantly. I am terrible at giving advice, but others on here have done so.

All I can offer is a handhold and virtual support.

Snowy2022 · 04/07/2023 21:55

HUGS OP.

I am confused by the hobby thread- I think it would be good to link it here as the issue in your heads are very complex but with full info, I am confident one or two MNetters might magically get through to the point you need help reaching.

Needless to say, you need urgent talks with a therapist. You have my sympathy.Please look after yourself and your child. If you can off load DC to someone trusted, please do. You sound so confused and needing answers which are not readily available, if they ever will be.💐

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