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Original poster

Much younger woman staying with us...

478 replies

Idontknowwhattothink · 02/08/2022 22:36

I cannot believe I am typing this.

Myself, my partner and our small child are living together. I am early forties, he is early fifties.

We have a woman in her early twenties staying with us from another country. She is very good looking and is scantily dressed most of the time. This is not me being jealous, this is a factual observation. There is no way he has not noticed she is very attractive looking.

My partner is handsome, likeable, warm, engaging. But... He's not George Clooney and he's old.

This is the weird thing. If it wasn't so ridiculous I would be sure she had a giant crush on him. She really seems to always want to spend time alone with him, gazes at him constantly and seems somewhat besotted.

But surely surely not?

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 03/08/2022 11:43

Cheminaufaules · 03/08/2022 11:35

I think I know what you mean @Idontknowwhattothink !
And I can certainly understand your frustration at trying to describe it.
I had that sort of experience many years ago. She would keep eye contact on him like she was waiting for his next utterance, like hanging onto his every word. She would actively go to hug him on meeting and on leaving, the hug he received being just that little bit too long. I couldn't understand it because of the 30 year age gap. I came to the conclusion it was because he was a naturally funny man and she was a bit in awe.

Yes you've described it very well. Or maybe it's the "when I'm older I'd like a man like that..."

OP posts:
Beefcurtains79 · 03/08/2022 11:45

LemonsOnSaleAgain · 03/08/2022 10:53

then at some stage she will ask him to sit back with her

This is so weird.

Can your DH go and visit a friend for a couple of days?

What does she say? ‘Come and sit next to me?’ How fucking odd! What do you/your husband say in return?

AgentJohnson · 03/08/2022 11:52

Conjecture is not fact and the thread you started about your feelings over the matter, is not responsible for your leaps of imagination. Op you need to get a grip.

Shariefa · 03/08/2022 11:58

i just think you should never in the first place hire help that are younger. Take your kid to a daycare and do everything yourself or if you really need help let them come to your house when your home and husband is at work and never let a women cook for your man

Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 03/08/2022 11:59

Beefcurtains79 · 03/08/2022 11:45

What does she say? ‘Come and sit next to me?’ How fucking odd! What do you/your husband say in return?

Show quote history

He moves beside me after she has squeezed in next to him (we are not talking just sharing a couch, she's right beside him). Then I'd have to rearrange myself and sometimes after a while he sits on the floor on a cushion for his back or moves my feet or something and she will pat the seat beside her saying "come on, come here". It could be explained as not wanting to inconvenience us but it's every night and he always stays with me.

We go out for meals and there is always the same reshuffling seats around the table. She automatically sits beside him then we all have to move.

We all say we are going to bed then if he says he's staying up to watch something she will change her mind then he will change his back again.

If he does stay up without me she returns back down from her room even if she has said goodnight, I hear her going downstairs then he will shortly appear in the bedroom.

She has turned down lifts from me and hung around inconveniently on the street to wait for a lift from him. I've noticed a couple of times she changed into something very revealing when the two of them were going somewhere, changed out of it then was back in it later again after I'd been out at work.

Her eyes follow him everywhere. If I replay the scenarios with a man closer to her age I would be positive she is into him.

It's odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 03/08/2022 12:01

Shariefa · 03/08/2022 11:58

i just think you should never in the first place hire help that are younger. Take your kid to a daycare and do everything yourself or if you really need help let them come to your house when your home and husband is at work and never let a women cook for your man

No she's not help for us. She's working elsewhere. Her boss asked us to accommodate her.

We have put people up before for him, no problems so he knows us in that regard. It usually works out well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 03/08/2022 12:02

AgentJohnson · 03/08/2022 11:52

Conjecture is not fact and the thread you started about your feelings over the matter, is not responsible for your leaps of imagination. Op you need to get a grip.

That's lovely.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 03/08/2022 12:04

It's not odd, it's very simple, she clearly fancies him.

She may just be doing it to test her powers of attraction, but whatever the reason definitely don't have her for an additional week.

I'd maybe have a chat with her as how she has repaid your hospitality is very rude. At the least I'd say to your DH no more lifts or staying up late watching TV when she is around. You can tell him you trust him implicitly but it's important not to give your visitor any false hope.

Ourlady · 03/08/2022 12:05

If she says come and sit next to me I would simply ask her what’s her reason for saying that to him. Call her out every time but not in a way that makes you sound clingy or jealous. It would really piss me off not because of jealousy just extremely irritating.

TheVanguardSix · 03/08/2022 12:05

It’s true that the threads we create can become our own echo chamber… at our peril! Posters like me probably don’t help!
Still, don’t diminish your very legitimate annoyance with her, OP.
Just keep in mind that your DH hasn’t done anything wrong at all (even giving her a lift isn’t a big deal).
She careless and silly (and personally, I’d want to slap her 😆). I think she knows the power of her beauty and her youth. I think she has a dad crush. I don’t think she’s aware of how destructive this could be. That said, I think she’ll be off in a week or whenever it is she’s meant to leave and everything will be fine. It really will be.
I do feel for your DH. It must be more weird than flattering for him.
Your marriage won’t be remotely destroyed. But it’ll be great to see the back of her. 😅💐

TheVanguardSix · 03/08/2022 12:07

I do just want to add, if you can get her out sooner, for peace of mind’s sake and just to have a comfortable atmosphere again, I’d give her the boot.

Branster · 03/08/2022 12:10

My DH wouldn't have a clue if someone was flirting with him even if the other person would start a conversation by saying'Mr Branster I am flirting with you'.

I wouldn't ask either of them anything. A bit late now as you already talked to your DH about it.

She may be a natural flirt and can't comprehend how could a man not engage with her so she's trying all the tricks in the book. It's some sort of challenge. Some sort if self validation. If it came to it, I bet she wouldn't want to do anything with your DH. However handsome he may be.

Clearly he notices and may be a bit flattered but it sounds like he isn't encouraging her, quite the opposite. He can't do anymore other than embarrassing her by telling her to keep away from him.

Beefcurtains79 · 03/08/2022 12:12

Does the boss of the company pay you to house his staff? It sounds an odd set up.
I’d tell him today that she’s making you both feel uncomfortable in your own home and he’ll need to put her up in a hotel for the last week of her work experience.
It’s weird and unprofessional that he doesn’t do this anyway for a young woman travelling for work on her own.

Jolinar · 03/08/2022 12:12

I like older men and women. Tend to find them more attractive than people my own age. I also tend to go for people not considered conventionally attractive...

I'm not 20 something though!

crosshatching · 03/08/2022 12:15

I think her boss is the cheekiest one here. Are you getting recompensed for the expenses of housing her? There's the saying that goes 'guests are like fish, after three days they start to smell'. It's the summer holidays you should be having fun with your own child. You've done your work associate/friend enough of a favour as it is. Time for her to broaden her cultural experience under another roof and you and yours to enjoy your summer.

Also irritation that someone sounds like they're taking the p under your own roof isn't a sign of insecurities that need to be better gripped 🙄.

Meraas · 03/08/2022 12:17

All very odd Hmm

Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 03/08/2022 12:24

He's not my boss, he's her boss. He owns a local company which places people with families. I have my own company and have been working very long hours as we are in startup phase. The cash injection of accommodating people was handy.

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/08/2022 12:25

I think she's trying out her powers of attraction on an older man, a safe option.

You could confront her re what she wears.

Depends re what country she's from too. If she's young and from a country where her being young and attractive is more of a 'thing'/seen as positive then maybe she sees no harm in doing this, as I doubt she'd take it further.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/08/2022 12:26

I'm a bit surprised at work experience for a young woman in her early 20s - surely this is more for a 16-18 year old.

TheVanguardSix · 03/08/2022 12:26

Jolinar · 03/08/2022 12:12

I like older men and women. Tend to find them more attractive than people my own age. I also tend to go for people not considered conventionally attractive...

I'm not 20 something though!

As long as you’re not practicing your smooth moves on a married man, especially in his home in front of his family, you’re all good.

crosbystillsandmash · 03/08/2022 12:29

I cannot believe what you're typing either.

'Scantily clad' 🙄

When will women stop judging other women?
Maybe she's hot?
I've barely worn a thing for the last month while at home.

safetyfreak · 03/08/2022 12:30

oh my, you are trying so hard to be the ‘cool wife’ I would be fuming if a woman I allowed to stay in my house was flirting with my husband. I would also be annoyed that after you voiced your concerns to your husband, he went and offered the OW a lift?? Who does that.

I would be asking her to leave and certainly be confronting the issue head on with both of them. Poor behaviour from them both.

howdidigethere · 03/08/2022 12:30

I'm not sure I could have resisted saying something to her by now. It's strange behaviour if not a bit ridiculous. Perhaps when you say goodbye you could come up with some pithy remark to enlighten her - it will help her English skills if nothing else!

theclangersarecoming · 03/08/2022 12:32

Can you say to her boss that you have guests next week so he can put her up in an air bnb or similar? I wouldn’t be having her for any longer in your position.

Not even because of any potential reaction from your DH (who sounds like he’s not into it anyway) — but it’s just so unbelievably disrespectful of her to treat you and your home this way.

dworky · 03/08/2022 12:36

Maybe she sees him as a father figure - that's the age differential.
Don't you trust him?