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Boyfriend blocked me when I asked him to message less
154

Hungryalligatorslikeyummycake · 31/07/2022 21:02

New poster but longtime lurker.
I've been with my boyfriend 6 months but friends for 12 years (we also dated 10 years ago LDR and split due to distance). During the years apart we stayed friends he dated other girls and I got married and divorced. I'm a single mum copareting with my ex husband.

During this time we message a lot. He asks me a few times a day if I'm okay. Sometimes I don't reply as busy with work, daughter and just some me time. I see him once a week minimum. If I reply I get messaged back quickly and the conversations take up a lot of time. So if I'm busy I don't reply I get more are you okay messages. Even if we talk on a WhatsApp group he'll message general one asking if I'm OK.

3 weeks ago I messaged him three times over the weekend when he was messaging like this. He then said he felt he didn't know what was goin on with us, he isn't controlling but he wants more time even an hour here and there and me to ask his help more as he says he knows I'm independent but I need to let him in more with helping in my house.

He said he is jealous I got married and that my ex husband helped me with something at home. He also talks about all his exes a lot. Sharing every details with me about sex and romance and it's always anytime I mention something we could do together as a couple. I've asked him to stop as it happens everytime. He said he knows it's too much and does it to get my attention

Fast forward to a few days ago. Was due to meet but was feeling low so asked to reschedule but in the end went. We were talking about a project we doing together and he immediately made it about an ex. I said let's look forward not back. I messaged him after meeting to say that the constant messages throughout thr day need to stop and if I don't respond I'm busy or doing my own thing and I'd like to message less. Also I said again the ex thing has to stop as he compares me unfavourably to his exes and it's upsetting and making me anxious. I said I'd see him soon but really no replying or messaging all the time.

I went to confirm a meeting with him the day after and he has blocked me. I asked on a group chat why and he said I wanted space so he is giving it to me that I can't attack and bring up past all the time (even though I didn't I simply asked him not to). He said my mental health is my problem (I suffer anxiety and depression) and I need to sort myself out and that i can't just click and he comes running (he said he thought I was cancelling our date and wanted space away completely -I can accept if there is confusion here). But why block me? All I said was please stop messaging constantly when I'm not replying (due to being busy,) and talking about exes all the time. I've never yelled, called names or been violent.

I'm genuinely struggling to see what I did wrong?

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Whynow2021 · 31/07/2022 21:07

You didn't do anything wrong! He sounds v manipulative.

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YoSofi · 31/07/2022 21:10

Run.

I mean it, he is a walking red flag. The comments about ex’s, the constant texting and not respecting your boundaries, the comments about mental health, the jealousy over who helped in your house, wanting you to be less independent…please take note.

He has behaved appallingly, blocked you and you are asking yourself what you have done wrong? This is just the start of his controlling and manipulative behaviour. The hills are that way >

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GetOffTheRoof · 31/07/2022 21:11

Fuck that, this man is no friend to you - certainly not someone you could trust in your life let alone as an intimate partner.

Cut him off, tell him his behaviour is controlling, needy and inappropriate and move on without him. He's stuck in the past - you don't need to be.

A new relationship at this stage should still be fun - certainly not being compared unfavourably to someone's ex.

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Brigante9 · 31/07/2022 21:12

Seriously, why are you with someone who unfavourably compares you to his exes and brings them up all the time, giving you detail about sex?! Wtf?? Because he wants your attention? Is he 12?

Honestly, OP, he sounds hugely insecure, jealous of your ex and incredibly immature.

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Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 31/07/2022 21:13

You didn't do anything wrong, he did.

Text book controlling behaviour. Run and don't look back.

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Umbongoberyl · 31/07/2022 21:14

O gosh he sounds massively hard work!

he’s jealous of your past
has no understanding of your time commitments
acts badly when you ask him to chill
turns his behaviour to be your fault
is unsupportive of your health

did I miss anything?

im just seeing red flags 🚩 with this one

find someone who is nice to you & is the opposite of the list above.

A relationship is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably shit!

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MuddlerInLaw · 31/07/2022 21:17

Sounds as if you had a lucky escape 10 years ago.

He doesn’t sound at all lovable: clingy, controlling, using your independence against you and trying to make you dependent on him. He doesn’t respond well to you expressing your own preferences - just belittles you.

Frankly, if someone blocks you the relationship is over. So please stop worrying about what you did wrong - (nothing) - just erase him from your mind and Do Not Go Back.

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Bun1 · 31/07/2022 21:23

You haven’t done anything wrong.

He’s accusing you of clicking your fingers and expecting him to come running....the very thing which he does to you, demanding you constantly reply to his messages.

The constant texting and asking if you’re ok aren’t concern for your welfare, they are him demanding your time and attention as and when he wants it. He enjoys getting replies from you even though you are busy with other things as it makes him feel he has control over you if he can get you to reply despite you not really having the time to reply.

He’s now sulking, huffing and gaslighting in order to punish you for not playing ball.

He’s trying to use your mental health against you, gaslighting you into thinking it’s you at fault when it is 100% not you. He sounds truly awful.

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Irridescantshimmmer · 31/07/2022 21:24

This is not your fault.
He's high maintenance

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Bun1 · 31/07/2022 21:25

Oh and of course, constant comparison to his exes is pure and utter bullshit to make you feel like crap! As others have said, run for the hills!!

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Shlomping1234 · 31/07/2022 21:26

My ex used to do this and then say he only does it because he worries about me. When he finally wormed his way into my home, he became very controlling and abusive!

Run and don't look back!

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GreenManalishi · 31/07/2022 21:28

You haven't done anything wrong, he's overreacting to a boundary you put in place which is a really good signifier that this is not a healthy balanced relationship. He sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

He's blocked you? Good. Take advantage of that and keep walking, don't go back.

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Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 31/07/2022 21:28

I would thank your lucky stars. He is needy and deliberately saying things to upset you to make you insecure and to get your attention.

Red flags all over the place.

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ItWasJustifiedHeWasACunt · 31/07/2022 21:29

You have done nothing wrong. You are an independent adult. He is extremely immature. Throw him back x

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MzHz · 31/07/2022 21:30

What did you do wrong?

go out with him in The first place. Bin him. Today. Now.

he’s absolutely going to ruin your life. This is just the start.

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GroggyLegs · 31/07/2022 21:30

He doesn't respect your boundaries.
He's manipulative and pushy.
He admits he makes you uncomfortable to get your attention.
He throws a strop when you tell him what YOU need from the relationship.

This man is not a prince.

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TooHotToTangoToo · 31/07/2022 21:31

So many red flags, you've done nothing wrong

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Temporaryname158 · 31/07/2022 21:32

i totally agree with all the above comments. He is controlling, needy and wants to cut you off from others and get you totally at his back and call, and when you don’t he tried to belittle you with talk of ex’s etc….then has the cheek to blame you. It’s only been 6 months, it shouldn’t be hard work and he shouldn’t be critical of you.

run, block him back on all platforms and make sure he hasn’t got a key to your house. If he does change the locks!

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Vargas · 31/07/2022 21:35

Run, block, have a break and find someone who's not a manipulative narcissist. Seriously, he's not worth your time.

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Doyoumind · 31/07/2022 21:41

Wake up. This is an utterly shit relationship. Let him leave you blocked. It's exactly what this relationship needs.

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SunshineLaughter · 31/07/2022 21:42

If a man treated your daughter like this, what would you say to her?

Block him. Move on hun. You deserve better.

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CallOnMe · 31/07/2022 22:07

This relationship doesn’t work.
Regardless of who’s at fault it needs to end as both of you are completely miserable in this relationship.

FWIW I disagree with some posters saying you’ve done nothing wrong.

I do think cancelling plans and then changing your mind and going is annoying, especially if this has happened more than once.

Also you bringing up him texting all of the time after you went out and he was speaking about his ex - it seems very tit for tat.

When he’s messaging all day you just ignore him and reply when you’re free after work.

When he starts talking about his exes tell him there and then to stop.

This relationship sounds like it’s just constant games.
What are you actually getting out of it?

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wellhelloitsme · 31/07/2022 22:07

he wants... me to ask his help more as he says he knows I'm independent but I need to let him in more with helping in my house.

Uuuugh fuck that.

He wants you to play the outdated helpless woman role to dick pander to his ego, when you're absolutely fine doing stuff without him.

And helping in your house?! God forbid a woman does DIY. Despite having a vagina. It's madness I tell you, they'll be getting their own bank accounts and jobs next!

Never ever be with a man who wants you to change who you are to pander to his ego. Ever.

Him having the audacity to outright ask you to is honestly pathetic.

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Sandra1984 · 31/07/2022 22:13

Man child on the loose. You need to find yourself a confident grown up man whose life doesn’t revolve around you. Plus what’s up with all that stuff about bringing up his sex life with the exes? Let him go and sort his shyte.

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Hungryalligatorslikeyummycake · 31/07/2022 22:24

Thanks for replies everyone.

Another thing he does is withold sex if I have done something he doesn't like and he says anger is due to concern for my health. He was angry I moved some shelves in my house and didn't ask for his help.

Also he had his parents visiting. It was arranged before we got together so I didn't think much of it but week before he sat there telling me what his parents liked about other girls he dated. I thought he was leading to inviting me and he didnt. I wouldn't have minded if he hadn't done that.

Also because we were friends he already knew my daughter. Some of her toys are at his house. I asked about them when I asked why I was blocked. He said that was low but I was blocked with no warning or reason. He says he doesn't want to gaslight me he says it a lot.

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