Boyfriend blocked me when I asked him to message less

[Hungryalligatorslikeyummycake]

New poster but longtime lurker.
I've been with my boyfriend 6 months but friends for 12 years (we also dated 10 years ago LDR and split due to distance). During the years apart we stayed friends he dated other girls and I got married and divorced. I'm a single mum copareting with my ex husband.

During this time we message a lot. He asks me a few times a day if I'm okay. Sometimes I don't reply as busy with work, daughter and just some me time. I see him once a week minimum. If I reply I get messaged back quickly and the conversations take up a lot of time. So if I'm busy I don't reply I get more are you okay messages. Even if we talk on a WhatsApp group he'll message general one asking if I'm OK.

3 weeks ago I messaged him three times over the weekend when he was messaging like this. He then said he felt he didn't know what was goin on with us, he isn't controlling but he wants more time even an hour here and there and me to ask his help more as he says he knows I'm independent but I need to let him in more with helping in my house.

He said he is jealous I got married and that my ex husband helped me with something at home. He also talks about all his exes a lot. Sharing every details with me about sex and romance and it's always anytime I mention something we could do together as a couple. I've asked him to stop as it happens everytime. He said he knows it's too much and does it to get my attention

Fast forward to a few days ago. Was due to meet but was feeling low so asked to reschedule but in the end went. We were talking about a project we doing together and he immediately made it about an ex. I said let's look forward not back. I messaged him after meeting to say that the constant messages throughout thr day need to stop and if I don't respond I'm busy or doing my own thing and I'd like to message less. Also I said again the ex thing has to stop as he compares me unfavourably to his exes and it's upsetting and making me anxious. I said I'd see him soon but really no replying or messaging all the time.

I went to confirm a meeting with him the day after and he has blocked me. I asked on a group chat why and he said I wanted space so he is giving it to me that I can't attack and bring up past all the time (even though I didn't I simply asked him not to). He said my mental health is my problem (I suffer anxiety and depression) and I need to sort myself out and that i can't just click and he comes running (he said he thought I was cancelling our date and wanted space away completely -I can accept if there is confusion here). But why block me? All I said was please stop messaging constantly when I'm not replying (due to being busy,) and talking about exes all the time. I've never yelled, called names or been violent.

I'm genuinely struggling to see what I did wrong?

I hope you're not replying.

Seriously - block him.

Red flags all over this

Oh dear OP.

Block him, please don't keep engaging with him. He's a right prick!

He is a complete dick, manipulative and controlling, uses stonewalling and the silent treatment. And he is gaslighting you, its called DARVO - deny, attack, reverse victim & offender - he is the one who should be apologising, not you. Add in triangulating you with his family and ex's, I would say you have narcissist on your hands. Don't let this man into your daughters life, its so hard not to repeat these patterns, she will grow up thinking this is normal, and its not.

Looks like a covert narcissist to me. There is loads of info about these types of people online. Very life damaging and toxic individuals. He did you a favour. Block yourself and move on.

I've read up all the things suggested (DARVO, nagging, narcissism etc.) And they all match the relationship to a tee. Will blocking escalate things? Might sound stupid but he knows where I live and my priority now is to get him out completely as quickly as possible. I know if I block he cannot message me but he could still turn up?

You didn’t do anything wrong, you both obviously have different messaging styles and the constant messaging would put me off as it seems like people have nothing better to do.
Him whining that he wants you to need him, and getting jealous that your ex helped you in the house gives instant ick, as does the going on about ex’s, he is very needy and seems like they type to let nothing go ever-those people are bitter and exhausting.

Just joining to say god he's awful and run for the hills!!

Also his behaviour isn't normal or typical x

Yes, he will turn up at your door despite being blocked because with narcissists it's all about them and don't take no for an answer. You just explain him calmly that this relationship is not working for you because he's stressing you out and it's toxic and it's better for both to part ways amicably. Let him know that you want to stop all communications for some time but maybe in the future you'll be able to be friends again. That's it. Good bye Olly. If he ever tries to contact you again you don't engage. Simplez.

It’s up to you whether you block or not, he’ll find another way to try to contact you regardless. If he comes to your home just don’t answer the door.

Well done OP, you are brilliant for realising swiftly who he is.

You'd want to make time for someone you were dating to talk endlessly about their exes?

I did tell him many times the ex thing has to stop. I did say I wasn't enjoying seeing him because he keeps doing it (this was a month ago). He told me his last gf asked him to stop being friends with me and another ex and I did say if he was doing the same thing maybe he was upsetting her?

I do miss him and want to text. I have not done so. I'll come on here if I feel upset as I know it takes time. Just hard when he's telling me he wants to get married and have a family and this happens. But when I look at everything all the nice things are things he has said and promised. The actions don't match. Only nice actions are meals out or help with a shop. He was great with my daughter.

Even his message was to check I'm okay and he added he isn't bothering me just checking. Now I'm thinking that is still him trying to make it about my mental health and not frustration as I don't see why asking to spend an evening together without being ignored for relatives or hearing about exes and to let me do my own thing in my own time. I work full time doing shift work, I'm a single mum. I was making time for him but I really did just want my own time too. I don't have many opportunities for it. He is a single man and has lots more chance for it.

He's trying to reel you back in.

Next he will get 'offended'

3 weeks ago I messaged him three times over the weekend when he was messaging like this. He then said he felt he didn't know what was goin on with us, he isn't controlling but he wants more time even an hour here and there and me to ask his help more as he says he knows I'm independent but I need to let him in more with helping in my house.

He said he is jealous I got married and that my ex husband helped me with something at home. He also talks about all his exes a lot. Sharing every details with me about sex and romance and it's always anytime I mention something we could do together as a couple. I've asked him to stop as it happens everytime. He said he knows it's too much and does it to get my attention

He is an absolute tool, a manipulator, a controller & a mindgame player.
Dump him pronto. He is looking to take over your life & won't be satisfied until you are walking on eggshells & making your entire life about appeasing him & his sick-making neediness.

He was angry I moved some shelves in my house and didn't ask for his help.

FFS.
This man will suffocate you. DUMP HIM.

I tried looking to replace my daughters things and couldn't find a likeness. Should I try and get back? The things in questions are very cheap just couldn't find them in shops.

Move on! Stop picking at the scab!

He's messaging to say he hopes I've had time to think about the message I sent and that I should not take my issues out on him and the accusations I've made are baseless.

Yup.

Offended.
✔️

Next comes either anger and abuse or 'poor me you're so mean and I don't know why. I'm so nice.'

OP, no one on this thread is going to say you should go back to him - no matter how many of his texts you share here.

Please do yourself the kindness of leaving him for good. Stop looking for reasons to go back to him. He really isn’t a decent partner and your relationship was awful.

Agree the 'nice guy' message will be next. And they never seem to realise it reveals they're anything but...

OP maybe just send one saying "I have had a think yes and this isn't working for me so I'd like to draw a line under it now. No need to reply. All the best."

Then I would personally block him.

I know I really don't want to go back. It's just making me upset and doubt myself so using this to gwt it off my chest. Hearing it from others helps it really does I appreciate it. I've archived and muted and am ignoring because I don't want him to turn up.

Text book narcissist response. 😅😂😂

(Getting rid of this one is going to be a pain OP)

Well done, OP.

He really is an awful, manipulative, person. He's good at it. This is why you feel confused and anxious about having ended it. And why you will sometimes doubt yourself. Continue to resist responding. Come back here instead.

He's now on to saying you are inventing it all. You and we know you aren't.

He will alternate between laying on the charm and nastiness. It's like being on a yo-yo and is why you are finding this hard.

You are nearly there. He will give up and move on to a new victim.

It would be easier to block him. If he turns up at your door, so what? Just don't open it.

Errrr god he's more unattractive each day isn't he. And very patronising. You are well rid

Honestly don't doubt yourself. You sound very reasonable and maybe have some space so he stops guilt tripping you into thinking it's you rather then him.