Boyfriend blocked me when I asked him to message less

[Hungryalligatorslikeyummycake]

New poster but longtime lurker.
I've been with my boyfriend 6 months but friends for 12 years (we also dated 10 years ago LDR and split due to distance). During the years apart we stayed friends he dated other girls and I got married and divorced. I'm a single mum copareting with my ex husband.

During this time we message a lot. He asks me a few times a day if I'm okay. Sometimes I don't reply as busy with work, daughter and just some me time. I see him once a week minimum. If I reply I get messaged back quickly and the conversations take up a lot of time. So if I'm busy I don't reply I get more are you okay messages. Even if we talk on a WhatsApp group he'll message general one asking if I'm OK.

3 weeks ago I messaged him three times over the weekend when he was messaging like this. He then said he felt he didn't know what was goin on with us, he isn't controlling but he wants more time even an hour here and there and me to ask his help more as he says he knows I'm independent but I need to let him in more with helping in my house.

He said he is jealous I got married and that my ex husband helped me with something at home. He also talks about all his exes a lot. Sharing every details with me about sex and romance and it's always anytime I mention something we could do together as a couple. I've asked him to stop as it happens everytime. He said he knows it's too much and does it to get my attention

Fast forward to a few days ago. Was due to meet but was feeling low so asked to reschedule but in the end went. We were talking about a project we doing together and he immediately made it about an ex. I said let's look forward not back. I messaged him after meeting to say that the constant messages throughout thr day need to stop and if I don't respond I'm busy or doing my own thing and I'd like to message less. Also I said again the ex thing has to stop as he compares me unfavourably to his exes and it's upsetting and making me anxious. I said I'd see him soon but really no replying or messaging all the time.

I went to confirm a meeting with him the day after and he has blocked me. I asked on a group chat why and he said I wanted space so he is giving it to me that I can't attack and bring up past all the time (even though I didn't I simply asked him not to). He said my mental health is my problem (I suffer anxiety and depression) and I need to sort myself out and that i can't just click and he comes running (he said he thought I was cancelling our date and wanted space away completely -I can accept if there is confusion here). But why block me? All I said was please stop messaging constantly when I'm not replying (due to being busy,) and talking about exes all the time. I've never yelled, called names or been violent.

I'm genuinely struggling to see what I did wrong?

It's fine to carry on venting but can you agree this relationship is over?

I'm drained just reading that.
He sounds awful. Needy, possessive and manipulative.
Throw this one back.
He's done you a favour by blocking you. Block him back and run for the hills.

He sounds like a nightmare, OP!

Needy, demanding, controlling, manipulative.....is this what you want?

I think you'd be better blocking HIM and never looking back!

Another thing he does is withold sex if I have done something he doesn't like and he says anger is due to concern for my health. He was angry I moved some shelves in my house and didn't ask for his help.

Mate, sorry but what were you thinking staying with such a prick?!

You must surely see it's not a viable relationship now because of the aforementioned prickishness?

He’s starting to sound more and more like a text book narcissistic OP. He’s the one with mental health problems not you, like all narcissists they love to project their stuff on you. Instead of admitting he’s needy he’d rather say “he’s worried about your mental health”. Yeah, that’s why he gaslights you, withdraw sex, constantly talks about sex with his exes and blocks you. Such a Samaritan.

I think you both sound toxic.

Me and my DH had a long distance relationship and every spare second, I would use to communicate and I had a busy life with a full time job, weekend job and looking after my father.

A relationship shouldn't be so much effort and resentment, 6 months in.

He comes off needy and you are the polar opposite.

He gets angry abuse you can move shelves without him? Holy fuck.

He’s Grade A abuser, mindfuck, total
headmelt and a waste of space. Can you not see this?? Please do yourself a favour never interact with this person again.

sorry typo, meant because you can move shelves yourself rather than abuse you

unintentional pun...

FFS, op, it is extremely concerning that you don't seem to realise how horrible and abusive this man is. You have a child you need to protect. You should be absolutely sprinting for the hills.

Thank your lucky stars you escaped this one, and block him on everything you can.

It's definitely over I have no intention of going back as it doesn't work.

I agree cancelling and then changing my mind about a meet isn't on. I've done it twice in the six months. Both due to anxiety attacks. I did apologise to him and accept that's on me. I start cbt in October for my anxiety as sometimes I get agoraphobic too and my health = my responsibility.

Also agree we do sound toxic together as pp said. Different needs definitely.

Needy, defensive manipulative, insecure.....

Well done for seeing it. You can't unsee it.

Sorry, am I understanding this right that you've been both spreading your dirty laundry in group chats?? With other participants silently reading it all (probably wishing they had never joined)? If that's the case you need to stop that completely, too, for your own dignity.
He sounds like a needy manchild who might also be obsessive. I'd watch out for that. He's completely stuck in the past.

Sounds like you have a high level of thoughtful awareness of your own boundaries, which is great. Keep those boundaries.

Omg he sounds absolutely awful! Thank god he blocked you. He's done you a massive favour!
100% believe he will unblock in a couple of days once he thinks you've 'learned your lesson'. He's conditioning you and it's all kinds of fucked up.
Run and do not look back!!

Run and do not look back as you have the way out now. No point trying to reason with him or to understand as he will twist it all around. My ex used to withhold sex also and it is a means of belittling us and to lose our confidence. You can do better than that but look up red flags, gas lighting and narcissistic behavior. You do not need a man in your life and do not bring a man like that into your child's life as he is a disaster. Take some time alone and build on your confidence and boundaries and he did not respect your boundaries at all and now trying to blame you. He is nuts. Mind yourself.

No it's a group just us two to arrange annual leave dates. I've left it now. Sorry for confusion. Definitely no others.

For me a good partner is someone who makes your life better, a bad one is someone who makes your life worse. Sounds like he belongs to the second category.

He is really obviously manipulative and abusive op.

Has it occurred to you that he may have targeted you because of your struggles with anxiety?

He has done everything within his power to destabilise and coerce you accepting his dominance and abuse.

You would benefit on some support around how to spot abusive behaviours, to keep you and your dd safe from these type of predators.

The trash took himself out.

He sounds exhausting OP. Id you can’t even move a shelfnin your own house without him having a go at yiu, I’m not surprised you’re anxious! His behaviour is oppressive, manipulative and definitely gaslighty. What’s the point in the relationship?

There are far nicer men in the world. Ditch this one and be haopy solo for a while then find a nice guy who isn’t such hard work.

LTB

By the way.. I too would have depression and anxiety with such a boyfriend. Dump him and watch your panic attacks disappear.

Be glad he blocked you. He's an absolute nutjob.

He will unblock you soon (because he clearly thrives on drama) so you need to block him back right now as he is absolutely toxic. You have a child. You have a responsibility to role model healthy relationships. Forget about the toys at his place. It’s not worth it.