“Most men don’t want children”

[BiscoffSundae]

Is this actually true? Hear it said a lot on here that most men don’t want children and only go along with it for the woman? Wondered how true this was what is other people’s experience?

I am a man. I have kids who I love but it was probably the wrong decision.

I have a pressured job etc and the reality is you sacrifice your life for your kids. Whether people want that is a choice they need to make.

I love having kids but they should not be the only thing I focus on in life.

My husband told me how much he wanted kids from the moment we met. 5 years on from marriage he now tells me that he thinks he was tricked into having a child by me. Despite us both forgoing contraception from the date of our wedding. He feels dirty and used apparently. Despite being a willing participant in all marital relations. So maybe the OP is right.

Probably controversial, but I don't even know if most women want kids. Women are conditioned from birth to think they need to have children and I don't think many see not having them as a plausible option (especially if other areas in their life are lacking ie career, lots of friends, travel etc). I think many people also see I as the next natural phase of their life, and many are scared if they don't have children they will regret it later in life.

When I used online dating sites many men with children messaged me. My profile said I am childfree and men would say things like ‘my wife tricked me into having children but I don’t see them so it’s like I’m childfree’ - yes ‘children’ not ‘child’ multiple men had been ‘tricked’ into having multiple children apparently. One had 4 children from one relationship, all of them were a trick apparently. He didn’t reply after I asked him if he was married to penn and teller.

Men generally do want kids. Decent men, that is.

Well the people that I know of who actively ttc they say we but when talking further the male partner jusy goes along with it more

Sure I know men say when younger they want kids generally but I rarely meet many that actively want them as much

Of course others will know different people as we all know not everyone thinks the same

Weird comment. Do you apply this thinking to women too?

Most exes of mine didn’t! My longest term one (10 years) strung me along for years saying ‘someday’ then turned round and said it was ‘inconceivable. I had to leave him and by the time I met DP who did want them, I was late 30s and too late (10+ miscarriages etc). Dating in 20s and 30s the question of having kids was a taboo subject for most men.

yeah, I think that's a bit of a weird comment too. Plenty of dickheads wants kids, and plenty of decent men decide parenthood isn't for them.

This is my view shaped by my experiences, too. I think the lesser desire is why some men do leave more parenting to women. They’re invested in their kids from a life and death pov but not the day to day grind.

@MaxTalk appreciate the honesty and that's why we only have the 1 - my H was honest, loves him to bits (he's 25 now) but didn't feel he wanted more

Children can destroy your life when you see your own personal interests and ambitions being adversely impacted. Having kids can also have a huge impact on your physical and mental health.

Also living in this day and age, things are incredibly expensive for most people. Children are hugely costly, not just in the direct costs but others as well (taking care of them rather than working, being near a good school etc).

I am not as good a parent as I want to be but I have to accept that will be the case given current circumstances and hours in the day - I am physically not able to give them everything I would like to.

You don't sacrifice your life for your children; you share your life with them. Victimhood is not part of being a Dad.

You don't sacrifice your life for your children; you share your life with them

For a lot of people, in this particular context there is absolutely no difference between 'share' and 'sacrifice'.

It's one of the main reasons I have always known I did not want children and why I never compromised and had them. I simply do not want to 'sacrifice' any of my time that I could be doing things I want do, in order to 'share' it with children.

It's no wonder someone who regrets choosing to have children feels that they have had to make sacrifices. It stands to reason, because they no longer have the complete freedom to choose what to do with their time that someone who is child-free does. By definition, it is something you sacrifice in order to have children.

My husband asked on our first date do you want kids? If I had said no that would have been a deal breaker for him.

We're all different and it worked for you but I'd have run for the hills if asked that on a first date. Don't even want them knowing my surname at that stage.

I did want children 3 to be precise. However my first wife came back twice with a STD and once pregnant by someone. In the meantime I was being triangulated to have children. Which wasn’t going to happen. Blatantly any child she would produce would not be mine. At the same time time the British government brought out the child support agency and shortly thereafter a ban on men conducting paternity tests. So it became a big fat no from me. With any one . Especially the British.
it wasn’t from a lack of getting women . I decided that I didn’t want my children if any would be British .
it went from a total lack of trust Too plain don’t care
Anyway that’s life I guess . I do remember some fairly upset people. With me not caring or allowing any involvement. That was a fairly intensive experience. Even had brothers getting upset at me not getting involved with their sisters. Completely the opposite from when I was in the Navy. Really odd. ?

Probably some truth in that

You woke up a years old thread for that xenophobic, misogynistic drivel.

Just because your wife wasn’t a good choice… this British woman is faithful, and my DH knows it. As for men routinely paternity testing in a committed relationship? Yuk.

Thank you for the reply.
paternity testing in a committed relationship? Why not?
if you have done nothing wrong it’s not a problem I would assume.
only those 45% who do stray have anything to fear.
personally, I think it should be routinly done at Birth .Then we all know who is and who is not taking responsibility.
a ban on paternity testing was in effect a cheaters charter: -
and why is it misogynistic? please do tell?
My outlook was yhis : after i walked away I ended up working in Paris, Luxembourge, Naples and the Channel Islands. All of which you could blatentyly observe children having better lives and non-warped.
in fact proper pre DEI lives :- which I agree with the principles .but I do disagree with having it pushed up your nose morning ,noon and night for 40 odd years.
I do not see anything misogynistic about it at all -it’s a big planet with billions of women and men .and To dislike either side is an awful lot of people. obviously from my own experience I dislike cheaters and the ones they cheat with .
If its going to happen ? and it will make them financially accountable .not some poor sucker having to commit their lives work and finances to a lie - A wasted life for someone els's lies