“Most men don’t want children”

[BiscoffSundae]

Is this actually true? Hear it said a lot on here that most men don’t want children and only go along with it for the woman? Wondered how true this was what is other people’s experience?

And that’s why they’re single parents!

No. My husband had two already and in the second date asked me if I wanted kids. I said yes and he said he did too.

That expressed what I wanted to say, but far better!

I asked my H if he had really wanted DC (he has 1 adult DD), he sort of screwed his face up and said “….yeah….I suppose so”. I’ve said it on here myself, it’s a truth that isn’t often acknowledged and obviously not all people are the same but I do think, given the choice men wouldn’t be that bothered.

My DH did. He's the one who suggested another too.

My DH would have had more children but I was done.
He is a great father and cares for them completely equally.
I’ve been lucky I guess. The men around me have all wanted to be fathers and worked hard to be good ones. My grandfather’s, father and uncles all included!

DH convinced me into it. I didn't want one. However, he was raised in a less individualistic, more family-friendly culture. More traditional I suppose (dad worked, mum SAH) but he is the rare beast, carrying the good from a traditional background while embracing housework and childcare.

I think there's generally an issue with men being taught to service their own desires before anything else. Children involve putting someone else's needs before your wants. Hard if you've never had to.

It was the other way round with me and DH. I had an abusive childhood and was sure I never wanted DC.
I only changed my mind after I passed 30, and I was still doubtful.
DH was the second of five children in a very happy family, and always wanted kids. He was much more “motherly” than me, and had to more or less role model normal parenting, for me to learn. I was more of a “breadwinner/dad” sort of parent.
He was always v hands on with chores and baby care, and did more than a fair share. I was devastated when he died, leaving me with a baby and a toddler - I had to quickly learn to be mother and father for the next 18 years, while working full time as a doctor.

Most men i know absolutely wanted children

Agree that they want them but "some day".

When I was doing Internet dating at about 45, I met a good few men of 50 ish who had no kids, and were very optimistically still hoping to become fathers.

I think men should also be aware of a clock. Their clock is not quite as biological but it exists still. Not all 50 year old men have the charisma/looks/resources/fame/positions of power to attract a woman a decade younger who will have their child! Ordinary men should really be more aware of that than they are, in my experience.

My 25 year old son wants 3 children and he always has. His dad was always very hands on so he's had a wonderful role model to be a great dad.

I think this is unfortunately true for a lot of men. Many people (men and women) don't appreciate how much work children are until they actually arrive and our society is much more generous to men than women in allowing them to 'opt out' when this becomes apparent.

The shit men, yes. This wouldn't be an issue if women would smarten up and not breed with losers like this. This kind of man waves many a red flag.

I think they want children. I think they don't always want the hard graft it entails.

I think most men want children but don’t feel the ‘clock’ ….. so I think it depends how you ask the question. If I said ‘do you want kids’ a lot of the men I know would be more ambivalent. If I said ‘if you imagined yourself as an old person looking back on your life, would you want to have kids?’ Most would say yes.

Women tend to get told their ovaries will shrivel up at 35, I’m sure if men thought their testicles would drop off at 35 the sense of urgency would be different! We’re sold different perspectives from a young age, men are allowed to have a ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’ mindset, women have more biological pressured. From a different perspective… thinking about rights - shared parental leave is very very ‘new’, we’ve only just started to say to men ‘it’s ok to want to be a stay at home to raise kids!’, maybe we’ve needed to give men more ‘permission’ to want to take the leave/be a stay at home dad etc.

It was my husband who first brought it up when we were dating.

Actually men’s fertility does decline in 40s and sperm quality does deteriorate over time

I think it might be true that men are more likely to underestimate parenting, and statistically they're far more likely to bail altogether.

But within the people I know, most of the men are very keen to procreate (even if they are subsequently less keen to actually parent).

My husband asked me on our first date if I wanted kids. If I had said no, it would have been a deal breaker for him. As he put it, he wasn't at an age where he wanted to waste his time on a relationship where we both wanted different things x

when guys meet someone they want to have kids with they know it. Not to sound judgemental but guys can be in a relationship for years with someone and not really give a shit about them even if they're lying to themselves about it. They're there because the women are convenient, and likely to leave if stuff gets too hard.

Most guys feel like this (ime) until they meet someone and it just feels different. When they're fully committed they're just as broody and gooey eyed as any chick (although may feel obliged to hide it 'cos )

I agree. From my experience they dont want to do the nitty grityy of having children. They dont want the actual child on a day to day basis. they want soneone to "carry on the family name". A large percentage of them are quite happy to not see their children much. They just want to know that they have children growing up sonewhere that they can catch up with at their convenience. Having children is a sign of their virility abd manliness....especially a boy...or maybe that is just my ex husband🤔

I think it is true as when my ex husband left me he told he did not want any kids and that I push him to have our 3 kids. Nice of him.

Generally, men want kids. If they don't seem interested, they just don't want commitment.

Dh wanted a child more than I did.

The fact that so many men, post relationship breakdown, are able to walk away from their kids and are quite content to be entirely absent from their lives or to just have a few hours contact with them every other week, suggests that far fewer men are into parenthood in the way women are.

But within the people I know, most of the men are very keen to procreate (even if they are subsequently less keen to actually parent).

Yes, this is probably accurate.