“Most men don’t want children”

[BiscoffSundae]

Is this actually true? Hear it said a lot on here that most men don’t want children and only go along with it for the woman? Wondered how true this was what is other people’s experience?

I'm yet to find a man who wants kids. All the ones I've been with would run the moment I would say I was pregnant. But they also had a great big fear of settling down, living together etc. Probably just didn't think I was the one and didn't want to be stuck with me

I think fewer men actively want children than women - many more on the fence, a fair few more who actively don’t.

But many do of course.

@Discovereads

This is one of the silliest things I’ve read in a while. Men don’t base whether they want kids or not on how they’d hypothetically react if a partner got pregnant unexpectedly in the future.

Nah absolute bollocks. Of course men want children for all the right reasons.

I would say if the child rearing responsibilities were truly 50:50 then the majority of men would decide against having children. On the flip side even if women expect to do most of the work they will still want children. This then feeds through into other life choices when it comes to careers and earning potential etc.

However if a man finds someone he is really head over heels for they will then typically want to start a family with them (but finding such a woman is pretty rare as most men are far less picky when it comes to who they partner up with).

I think the majority of men want kids, but not necessarily the day to day stuff of actually looking after them or the restrictions it brings whilst they are young

I don't know where you're reading it, but I can't remember coming across loads of people saying that on threads.

Well I’m not the only one who has seen it according to them comments so 🤷‍♀️

The*

I think it’s much more socially acceptable for men to be honest about how shitty parenting can be. In fact, I was pretty much the first amongst many of my friends to have dc, and nearly all of them have said since that they wished I’d actually told them how horrible it can be some days.

That said, I only know the men around me. BIL has always been quite clear that he doesn’t want children (his partner of 15 years left him as a result as she does). Dh talks a lot about how he doesn’t understand it, as he can’t imagine not having children (we had our first when Dh was 25, quite a bit older now). Among our friends, the dads have been pretty open about wanting children.

Obviously though in a failing relationship, it’s a whole lot easier to pretend you don’t and bugger off if you’re already about shit. My friend’s partner literally disappeared when she was 13 weeks pregnant claiming he wasn’t ready to be a dad. She has literally never seen him since (her dd is 10). He did find a new partner very quickly and went on to have 3 children in quick succession with his new wife. Still never been in touch with my friend as not ready to be a dad. 🤔

As usual i see an unfair amount of male bashing going on.
I don't think men go into a relationship with expectations, If they see that thing's are working out then they will in turn put more effort in and will naturally want to start a family with you.

With women it is more biological, as the younger you are the better your chances of having a baby so there is more pressure to be more serious about it.

If you take away how modern society works and go back to basics, There is no reason for men to stay with their mate. You see this in nature all the time (Some stay with their partner, most don't). I think it all depend's on maturity of the individual/s.

For every amazing dad out there who loves spending time with kids, there is some dead beat mum who is on her phone 24/7 (Facebook is more important than real life apparently), constantly screaming at them and regrets having children.

In my experience (man)

A more accurate statement would be " Women want children more than men"

For men there's a 'Son and heir' thing going on, but sadly some blokes still think the day to day childcare is a woman's job - toxic attitudes passed down the line from male family members.

Then you have the 'proving manliness, virility ' thing, fathering children being different to being a parent - a Boris Johnson approach, if you will.

Of course, a lot of couples are completely on the same page.

And if a man was ambivalent before hand, once the midwife puts the baby in their arms, a lot changes!.

I think this is mostly true. I think some men want children, but many would be happy enough not to if they had the choice. I also think if many knew what they were in for they definitely wouldn't.

The word I would use is indifferent.

It's much more socially acceptable for men who don't want children to say so and to act on it, whether before the fact (staying child-free) or after it (abandoning their partner and kids). Women who want to stay child-free have to put up with a lot of nonsense and judgment to do so; women who were pressured into having children and/or regret doing so feel they can't ever say so.

Some men want them for the family image at work. They don't want to raise them. And I definitely know men that had them because their partner wanted them.

My DH certainly wanted dc. And I knew that I wanted them too, but he was definitely ready to have them before I was!

Agree.

Bless

All of the guys I know want children (including the gay ones, so much so that they’ve gone the adoption route).

Maybe people have that impression because of the number of single mums with dads not being particularly involved in their child's life??? In that instance, could it be that the disdain between the parents outweighs the love for the child?..

can't really be described as love in that case, can it?

Most men I know want children and many see them as one of the "markers" for being successful (house, 2 kids, dog by age 30 etc.).

But many of these men don't picture themselves as being heavily involved in the day-to-day grind. They picture parenthood as coming back from work, kids in pyjamas, doing the odd bathtime and bedtime and taking their kids to the park and buying them ice cream on the weekend.

Maybe that's why certainly amongst the people we know, men are keener on children (and want more of them) than women. Because the "father" role (whether or not it reflects reality) is perceived as more fun than the "mother" role.

I think many do want them but more in an abstract kind of way- with someone else preferably doing the heavy lifting. I do realise it's not always the case but has been in my and my friends experience.

I don't think it's deliberate thing, I think it's just the actual reality is often not quite what they mentally thought

@User593939 you do also have a biological clock as a man. you're much more likely to have a child with disabilities, autism, adhd for example as an older man. so I wouldn't hang about that long either..