“Most men don’t want children”

[BiscoffSundae]

Is this actually true? Hear it said a lot on here that most men don’t want children and only go along with it for the woman? Wondered how true this was what is other people’s experience?

They dont commitment with the mother i mean. Unfortunately they need to compartmentalise and the kids may lose out in the fall out.

Saying that, my husband always wanted kids and is a great dad.

In my dating experience, no they didn't want children/family, including my ex husband who I divorced as we disagreed on this. I dated men from various backgrounds and ages and they were all ambivalent, disinterested. It was exasperating. I felt very despondent.

I became a solo mother by choice (used IVF and a sperm donor) to conceive and was extremely fortunate that the treatment was successful the first time round.

I think looking back on my dating experience, I never stood a chance. It was already too late for me, but I couldn't see it at the time.

It's not been the case in my experience. Most of the men I know who have children definitely wanted them. My husband was the driving force behind our second child, I wasn't too fussed either way. He's also a very hands on dad and now does the majority of childrearing and housework. I will say that the reality of having children alone in the school holidays came as a bit of a shock to him! I was a stay at home parent for the first few years and I don't think he realised how hard it is at times. I think he thought I just liked to moan :D

Yes that's correct, it's grossly unreported.

Amongst my friendship group, more often the men were ready for children before the women (although that could have been because in a couple of cases them men were a few years older than their wives). But certainly none of them were bullied in to having children, and I'm confident none of them regret it.

The only man I know who has DC and wasn’t bothered beforehand is my dad.

Among our friends the men wanted them at least as much as the women, bar one “accident” where he already had one and didn’t want others. He’s a great dad to all of them now and got on board with the extra one pretty quickly.

I know 4 men who did several months of stated parental leave in the first year, 3 who were SAHP for a while. One of those couples now divorced and he has more care than the mum.

I know 3 mums who regret having their DC but none of their make partners or any other dads I know who’ve ever said so.

I know one couple where he was desperate for kids but she didn’t want any, they don’t have any and it’s torn them apart, I hope they split up as both are miserable.

I think they're keen on the idea but less on the reality. Interesting that most men don't even go for 50/50 when relationships fail.
And yy to the preference for sons. Research shows men are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.

I think quite a lot of men put marriage / children “on hold “ for a few years now, until their 40s, and don’t really see that as something to do in their 30s, I know I did

I don't think that men get the same biological urge as women, so its usually the woman pressing for children.
That doesn't mean that they don't adore them when they are actually here. The problem is knowing if you have a man who will turn into a father when the children arrive. Its a big step into the unknown.

They seem to think that it’s something you’re supposed to do.
Want to kids to carry their name (seems to be given - doesn’t even occur that they could have the woman’s name).
They think having kids is playing football with them a few times and that’s their part.
No one seems to actually be interest in having them.
Those who do have them, the partner was main pusher to have them, or like I said, they think you have to have them - can’t make an actual choice yourself.

Yes to this, there was a really great article (a study?) that men don’t marry the woman they love, they marriage when it’s time, when it’s indeed convenient.

Women and children are totally disposable to men.

Dh was ready for kids before i was...

It would hurt their manliness to know they’re really not the stud stallions they like to believe they are.

Never seen it but I guess I don't read every thread

@YouAreNotBatman isn't that the same for women? Like does anyone have a massive urge for kids until they find the one they want them with? I did always think I might want children but didn't feel an urge until I fell in love and could see myself in a family with him

I think generally in society it's less taboo for men to be open about not wanting children (shouldn't be taboo for anyone though of course) and just anecdotally I'd say on the whole most enjoy the bits they want and are less willing to rearrange their lives ie change working patterns, take time off when child is poorly than women BUT of course that's not the case across the board! Many men do want children and play just as active role in their lives, as they should, and for myself and a fair few of my friends our husbands are more broody then we are. But yeah I suppose on a top level perhaps its true that it's the case for more but I wouldn't say most.

It's quoted frequently on the dating threads.

My brothers were/are more broody than myself and my sisters.

@70billionthnamechange
Where did I say men want them when they meet a woman?
I think this is what a lot of women tell themselves, ooh he met me and now he want children, I’m the chosen good woman!

But anyway to your questin: no, women I know have pretty much knew that they want / will have them at some point and then there are the women who knew they don’t want them.

@YouAreNotBatman I think I meant to quote someone you replied to. Technophobe here. Chill. Sorry about that

@RedWingBoots I'm sure it is, just saying I've not seen it

In my experience, saying that ‘most men don’t want children’ is definitely overstating it. Many do want to be fathers, obviously, although they don’t experience the overwhelming natural, hormonally driven, biological desire for a baby that so many women feel.

But the proportion of men who either don’t want children at all or are ambivalent about becoming fathers is much higher than for women. And many of the ambivalent ones do end up going along with having children to keep the women they love happy.

@Icedbannoffee as a PP said it is also an age thing. Plenty of men want children in their 40s and 50s. Unfortunately most aren't the type to attract someone someone 10+ years younger than them.

I think a lot of men would go along with whatever decision their wife/partner made around children. Take it or leave it approach.

This. They want them on their terms - ie. on a practical level nothing changes for them. They like the kudos that comes with having kids but not the inconvenience.
I generalise of course but I think that's true of many of the men I know.

I think this view is a mjmsnet view.

I don't have that big a group of friends but of the couples I know with children the fathers are very involved. OH was very much hands on and did more of the basic child care than me, he loved being dad and now is a keen grandad.

What has surprised me to some extent is the number of women who don't want children considering we're meant to be the family home makers.