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Original poster

“Most men don’t want children”

145 replies

BiscoffSundae · 30/07/2022 17:22

Is this actually true? Hear it said a lot on here that most men don’t want children and only go along with it for the woman? Wondered how true this was what is other people’s experience?

OP posts:
Oodie29 · 30/07/2022 21:32

biggreenhouse · 30/07/2022 17:43

most want children. they just don't want to have to do any of the actual raising of them.

This is 100% it. They love the idea of a brood of adoring kids. How hands on they are when it comes to the hard work of rearing their progeny doesn't always match that unfortunately

easylisten · 30/07/2022 21:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BigFatLiar · 30/07/2022 21:44

Aquamarine1029 · 30/07/2022 18:32

The shit men, yes. This wouldn't be an issue if women would smarten up and not breed with losers like this. This kind of man waves many a red flag.

Show quote history

Yeah but they're usually the fun guys. Who wants to date a dull family guy when you can be having fun.

You can look for one of them later when you've had the fun and are looking to settle down.

Oblomov22 · 30/07/2022 21:47

I agree. And most men go back to work and have no idea whatsoever of what it takes to bring up children. This scares me seeing as I have 2 x ds's.

BigFatLiar · 30/07/2022 21:53

Oblomov22 · 30/07/2022 21:47

I agree. And most men go back to work and have no idea whatsoever of what it takes to bring up children. This scares me seeing as I have 2 x ds's.

These days most women also go back to work. It does look like the issues that arise of sickness etc fall to women in mumsnetland but if you have a decent relationship it's something you sort out between you.

Sux2buthen · 30/07/2022 21:54

What men might say in a friend group and the actual truth can be very different though.
I've known many men complain about their wives and marriages and the regrets they have. But when it falls apart from what I've seen it's not the women that are upset so I don't hold much with anecdotal chit chat as genuinely backing up a theory

70billionthnamechange · 30/07/2022 22:02

@BigFatLiar yeah coz all guys who want kids are dull 😂😂😂

SatinHeart · 30/07/2022 22:10

Oodie29 · 30/07/2022 21:32

This is 100% it. They love the idea of a brood of adoring kids. How hands on they are when it comes to the hard work of rearing their progeny doesn't always match that unfortunately

Show quote history

Agreed! I've come across several men that seem to have a frankly Victorian idea that their perfectly groomed offspring will be wafted in front of them for an hour or so a day and that the rest of the time the menfolk will be working or pursuing their own hobbies. They seem really confused about how much actual work is involved in raising them.

Simonjt · 30/07/2022 22:24

We’re both men, we both left longterm relationships due to being with partners who didn’t want children.

More and more people, women included are more open about not wanting children, obviously for straight men its easier to just go along with it, plus straight couples can also accidentally become parents.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 30/07/2022 22:40

God I wish this was true. My DH wants more kids (he loves them every stage even the wake at silly o clock stage every 10mins) and toy wouldn't think of it to look at him.

Complete softie but doesn't appear that way lol. He said with genuine enthusiasm he would love twins... me on the other hand...

DangerouslyBored · 30/07/2022 22:40

Not in my experience. DH told me on our second date that he wanted children. I said not for me, I’m not maternal and babies are boring.

All his friends are what I would call ‘family guys’ they love being dads and all wanted to meet someone to settle down and have children with. My DH felt sad when his friends were having babies, he felt left behind and worried that it would never happen to him. I’m now v happily 7 months pregnant but DH was very much the driving force behind us having a baby.

Hallamus · 30/07/2022 22:43

I've seen that so many times on here! This idea that it's usually the woman who really wants the children and the guys just fall in line though they love them once they're here.

Not in my case, DH wanted them just as much - maybe more. He is six years older which maybe helped put us in the same mental place about it at the same time, even though it's not a big gap.

I do do more for/with our DC but probably inevitable as am SAHM currently.

Parky04 · 30/07/2022 22:49

Wasn't bothered either way. DW wanted them so I went along. DC are now 22 and 20, we are still married, and I love my DC, but still wouldn't be fussed if we never had them! If left to us men, the human population would die out!

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 30/07/2022 22:49

Hallamus · 30/07/2022 22:43

I've seen that so many times on here! This idea that it's usually the woman who really wants the children and the guys just fall in line though they love them once they're here.

Not in my case, DH wanted them just as much - maybe more. He is six years older which maybe helped put us in the same mental place about it at the same time, even though it's not a big gap.

I do do more for/with our DC but probably inevitable as am SAHM currently.

Thank you; glad it’s not just me; there is a current thread where lots have said it to the op but don’t want to link it as it’s not a TAAT but lots of posters have said the same thing and a bit like well what did you expect more fool you, should have known most men don’t actually want children they just go along with it but most are happy without

OP posts:
WillPowerLite · 30/07/2022 22:51

I think most men do want children. Many of these expect that a woman will do the work involved, leaving their own lives largely unchanged.

What plenty of men don't want is hands-on parenting and a central, active role in family life. I think that is tougher to find.

It is a rare woman who walks away from her children. It's common enough for men.

feelingsareweird · 30/07/2022 22:55

Haha I believed this myth and therefore thought I’d be at a great advantage when I started online dating in my 30s as a woman who doesn’t want kids. I was totally mistaken - so many new relationships that I’ve had to bow out of because the men can’t imagine not having kids one day!!

Discovereads · 30/07/2022 22:56

Most men do want children. They’ve just been socialised to STFU whenever a partner gets pregnant because it’s 100% her choice and only her choice to have the baby or terminate. They can’t say they want the child, because that’s undue pressure on their partner. So they choose to be silent and even if directly asked will not admit to wanting a child, but instead express that they will support whatever their partner wants.

Need2P · 30/07/2022 22:59

My dh couldn't wait to get married and starting a family. We got married when he was 24 and I was a few years older. We had our first child a year after. We stopped at 3rd child because I didn't want anymore although he probably would have wanted more. He's a hands on Dad and great with children that's why I even considered having a third child.

Indiana2021 · 30/07/2022 23:00

*WillPowerLite · Today 22:51

I think most men do want children. Many of these expect that a woman will do the work involved, leaving their own lives largely unchanged.

What plenty of men don't want is hands-on parenting and a central, active role in family life. I think that is tougher to find.

It is a rare woman who walks away from her children. It's common enough for men.*

Absolutely this. Couldn't agree more.

KosherDill · 31/07/2022 11:22

figtrees · 30/07/2022 17:47

I'll preface this by saying my friend group is pretty much entirely male.

Most men I know have been on the fence. Not too fussed either way. I know a few who absolutely don't want children at all.

The ones i know who have had children, almost all of them regret it. Of course they don't tell their partners/ex partners that. The general consensus seems to be they didn't think it would be as hard as it was. They didnt realise the change would be so drastic etc. A lot say it ruined their relationship.

There's a rare few who love kids though. Absolutely love family life. I just don't think they are the majority.

Agree with this. Most would be fine without it but go along due to family expectations, etc

WouldBeGood · 31/07/2022 11:24

True in my experience

CathyTheQueen · 31/07/2022 11:37

I sometimes hope my son doesn't want kids as alot of women on here , understandably, resent their husbands or ex for how shite they are. I would hate my son to cause that much distress to someone.

asdfff · 31/07/2022 11:44

My husband wanted children more than I did. So I disagree.

Totallyaddictedtoshoes · 31/07/2022 12:01

Babdoc · 30/07/2022 18:16

It was the other way round with me and DH. I had an abusive childhood and was sure I never wanted DC.
I only changed my mind after I passed 30, and I was still doubtful.
DH was the second of five children in a very happy family, and always wanted kids. He was much more “motherly” than me, and had to more or less role model normal parenting, for me to learn. I was more of a “breadwinner/dad” sort of parent.
He was always v hands on with chores and baby care, and did more than a fair share. I was devastated when he died, leaving me with a baby and a toddler - I had to quickly learn to be mother and father for the next 18 years, while working full time as a doctor.

I'm really sorry to hear you lost your dh, he sounds like he was a brilliant daddy.

KosherDill · 31/07/2022 12:22

70billionthnamechange · 30/07/2022 20:58

@YouAreNotBatman isn't that the same for women? Like does anyone have a massive urge for kids until they find the one they want them with? I did always think I might want children but didn't feel an urge until I fell in love and could see myself in a family with him

Actually, I see many women settle for losers and overlook glaring red flags, because they are worried about ticking clocks.