OP - There are a lot of replies on here an hardly any engagement from you. Why is that?
I'm patient, soft spoken and hardly show any temper so whenever his temper flares up, it really hurts me and I just end up crying
Hot tempered people don't always end up with partners like you, but you do seem them settling with either someone equally hot tempered, or the complete opposite, because those are the only people who'll put up with them.
over the years I have seen some improvement but I understand it is hard to get somebody to change 180 in such a short span of time
Short span of time?? He's had years.
He treats me very well when he is in a good mood
Well lucky you! Someone's suitability as a partner shouldn't be decided on whether or not they are nice to you when they're in a good mood. It should also be what they're like when things aren't going so well, when they don't get what they won't, and he's massively failed that test.
he works extremely hard (7 days a week) because he says he wants to start a family with me
No sorry - this is usually total bullshit that is trotted out by lots of men, especially workaholics. The whole 'I do this for you' - no he doesn't. He works like that because as stressful as his job is, he secretly gets a lot of satisfaction out of it.
Please don't expect things to be ANY different if you have children with him. He's already set your expectations VERY low, so if you have children with him, he will see that as a stamp of approval on his behaviour, no matter what he says. I'm sure there will be many promises to change, and maybe he will manage it for a few months.....but as soon as your pregnant, and especially after the baby's born, he will have got what he wanted and the incentive to keep a cap on himself will have gone. You will then be in a very vulnerable situation, and he'll know it.
One of the key things you need to consider in a man is how they deal with stress. If they can't handle normal arguments without punching innanimate onjects, stoming out of rooms, and shouting and screaming.....then you can expect that X10 if you have children with them. What on earth will be like when his sleep is disrupted all them time?? When he's weary and he has an irritable toddler kicking his chain when he's driving?? When he's in the supermarket and the child starts crying because they've been pulled away from the toy section??
Also - they don't call it reproduction for nothing. Ask yourself - do you want to replicate him as a person in one or more children? How would you feel with multiple versions of him around the house and having to cope with that?? People can inherit their personality traits from a few family memebers. Some kids are very different from their parents and yes, nurture plays a part....but nurture isn't everything. If you are unlucky, you will end up with one or more boys that are exactly like him....are you ready for that, because that is exactly what happens to some abused women. They give birth to basically a copy of the father and then have to deal with that in a vulnerable environment, often as a single parent. No bloody thank you.
What happens when we get married and he is unable to change because of the increasing work stress and we just end up fighting everyday? And I always get hurt because I have less of a temper and am more patient. What happens if we have kids?? My future kids will have to witness us fighting and seeing Daddy lash out at their Mummy? I don't want that for my future kids
You are entirely sensible for wondering this. No one can see what the future holds, but honestly, I think I'd rather remain childless that have kids with a volatile man.