Does anyone else have a husband like this?

[Kanfuzed123]

I know I usually post quite lighthearted things but there’s one thing that’s been getting to me for a while, I’m probably going to phrase this unreasonably or harshly and I’m prepared to get flamed/called out on it. But I feel like my husband can’t do anything. By that I mean without supervision or me having run around and check he’s done it properly after, which he doesn’t take kindly to.

some are minor thing and some not but he just won’t listen. I’ll give you a major for instance, been on holiday and rented a car, putting car seats for kids back in our car, because as per usual I’m watching the kids and cooking (I also have a bad back so it’s hard for me to lift them, bend over and install them) they are isofix (aka easier to install). My fault I didn’t supervise him or check he’d done it properly after. He’s taken both children out in the car since, I got to put kids in car and dc1’s car seat is 6 inches off the bottom of the car seat and dc2 isn’t flush against the back aka they are incorrectly installed, which he refused to believe but it’s f’ing deadly and anyone with eyes could see it was wrong, and no he isn’t visually impaired.

i ask to watch food whilst I feed baby, i come back and it’s burnt black to the bottom of the pan… I say to him I said to watch it, to which he says oh i did, you didn’t say to not let it burn

what’s really got me today, is our online grocery order. I menu plan and he puts the order in, i wrote explicit ingredients and then an acceptable sub… get the order to today and he’s ordered half wrong sodding stuff. I’m honestly at breaking point with it. This is ridiculous right?

Yes that’s ridiculous. How old is he?

Old enough to be married 7 years have 2 kids and earn a ‘higher rate tax payer’ salary s
if you catch my drift

Mine is exactly the same and I'm at breaking point.

I understand

Have you considered that he does it deliberately? The food thing is so obviously about punishing you for asking him to do something he didn’t want to do.

No common sense to think oh I’ll turn the food down or stir it or hey I’m struggling with these seats let’s read the manual. Now I’ve got £80 worth of food and the menu is shot to shit. There’s countless other examples too, but I’m going to lose my shit

Weaponised incompetence.
believe me they know what they are doing

He is doing it deliberately. No one is that thick headed. He can manage to hold down a job, do things that HE enjoys doing perfectly fine and use his brains in other situations that benefits him? Yes, he's doing this om purpose.

Mine was like this. For over a decade. I became disabled and now he’s 100%
more capable which makes me resent him for the 13 years he basically pretended to be useless for laziness sake.

This sounds like deliberate incompetence to me. Who watches food and thinks it is reasonable to allow it to burn?

I mean he does it everyweek, it’s just an asda order hardly like he was working the land to farm the food. And most of it is just a repeat of last week, it’s just incompetence. It’s not major things but it’s like can or chick peas and we’ve got mixed mean salad, fresh lasagne sheets and there’s a different kind of dried pasta, white wine vinegar and it’s white vinegar (which I gather is largely for stain removal?), pine nuts and we’ve got walnuts etc and I already asked the driver if these are subs (they aren’t) why not just get what’s on the sodding list… his reply well they are basically the same thing..: except they aren’t mixed bean salad falafel won’t taste quite the same

Mine was like this. It basically meant he delegated the entire mental load to me. And then if something went wrong it was because I had given him the wrong instructions. Also he was a massive bell end.

Reader, I divorced him.

You didn’t say stir it… I mean for the love of Christ. I didn’t say stir it.

before his trick was oh I didn’t hear you say that so now I say something I have to say ‘respond so I know you’ve heard and understood’ but still sometimes that doesn’t do it

Selective incompentence
If you were running after him and doing everything for him I am sure he would be able to manage

Weren't

Yes I agree, they do it on purpose.

I asked mine to help 5 year old with her homework- a crossword. He got the sheet of paper and just done it for her. When I asked what the hell was he thinking. He told me "you told me to do it"

What’s really pissing me off is that I was really ill over the weekend so it fell to him to cook for the kids and it was pure convenience crap, plain pasta with peas and sweetcorn and fishfingers on the side, no proper meal… oh yeah and I got nothing and he acted like ‘oh well I had to cook lunch and dinner’. It’s boiled pasta… a monkey could do it

Hmm yes. Mine also has a Big Important Job. He can flick off the dickhead switch when he’s in work.

Well I don’t know, I think those car seats would have been permanently unsafe and dinner would always been some convenience food or maybe an omelette… forever

And you are with this person because.....

Weaponised or deliberate incompetence is also a manipulation tactic because it forces only one party (i.e you) to shoulder the burden of all tasks. It also forces one person, again you here, to take on the role of a parent (and you already have children). He does not behave so poorly around work colleagues or towards people in the outside world does he?.

This is who he is and he is not going to change.

OP this goes one of two ways.

You get so sick of his dickheadery and manipulation that you divorce him and live happily ever after.

or

you lose your shit one night, everything goes fuzzy and the next thing he’s in chunks in the bath. You’re widowed and get out in about 15 years for good behaviour and live happily ever after.

please note, there is no third option.

I bet he’s shit in bed too isn’t he? He is.

Well he does earn more than me, funny that when you’ve taken in essence 4 years off to have kids but I earn decent money too and he wouldn’t be able to afford this house or childcare without me. There was a good while where I earned more too. Not stopped him from saying (whilst I’m on mat leave) that I need to pull my weight and start earning more (4 weeks after he got said higher rate tax payer job) calm down pal you’ve done 20 days of this job

Tee hee this made me laugh thank you! I was all muttly-ing before. That cheered me up

He needs to feel the consequences of his incompetence. What motivation is there for him to get it right when you're the one picking up the pieces every time? Well, apart from the motivation of being a decent bloke obviously, but sounds like you're on a loser with that one sadly.