Does anyone else have a husband like this?

[Kanfuzed123]

I know I usually post quite lighthearted things but there’s one thing that’s been getting to me for a while, I’m probably going to phrase this unreasonably or harshly and I’m prepared to get flamed/called out on it. But I feel like my husband can’t do anything. By that I mean without supervision or me having run around and check he’s done it properly after, which he doesn’t take kindly to.

some are minor thing and some not but he just won’t listen. I’ll give you a major for instance, been on holiday and rented a car, putting car seats for kids back in our car, because as per usual I’m watching the kids and cooking (I also have a bad back so it’s hard for me to lift them, bend over and install them) they are isofix (aka easier to install). My fault I didn’t supervise him or check he’d done it properly after. He’s taken both children out in the car since, I got to put kids in car and dc1’s car seat is 6 inches off the bottom of the car seat and dc2 isn’t flush against the back aka they are incorrectly installed, which he refused to believe but it’s f’ing deadly and anyone with eyes could see it was wrong, and no he isn’t visually impaired.

i ask to watch food whilst I feed baby, i come back and it’s burnt black to the bottom of the pan… I say to him I said to watch it, to which he says oh i did, you didn’t say to not let it burn

what’s really got me today, is our online grocery order. I menu plan and he puts the order in, i wrote explicit ingredients and then an acceptable sub… get the order to today and he’s ordered half wrong sodding stuff. I’m honestly at breaking point with it. This is ridiculous right?

I’m rather taken with the mixed mean salad. It’s a gang of vegetables from different backgrounds, getting together and terrorising the poor innocent tomatoes and the wilting lettuce.

actually, I have every sympathy with your plight. It’s like they have no common sense - or is it just not paying attention? OTOH , mine is very good at managing money, Doing the cars : man’s stuff I suppose. I’d never let him do the Tesco order, but I would ask him to sort out over payment.

There would be no incompetence in the six figure office 🙃

I would ask him if he is also so fucking incompetent at work ?
Its fucking insulting for him to deliberately botch every task so as to not be asked again
If he wanted DC, he should have thought about it beforehand, & not sit around sucking his thumb & holding his limp dick in the other hand.
Its not rocket science, its being an adult.
Tell him cannot conceive a future with him if he cant even read a sodding shopping list.

@Kanfuzed123
It wouldnt have
He should know (like every other adult) a poorly fitting child seat is illegal - he can read instructions
Also I am sure he is able to cook
Did he not cook for you when you were first dating?

If he's capable of holding down a job then he's capable of going house work and childcare.
It's not that he can't do it, it's that he doesn't see it as his job.

It's misogyny. He thinks he's above womens work.

Yeah he’s good with finding deals, car stuff, not especially with managing money, but he thinks he’s a hero for cleaning up after dinner with the ‘most men don’t do this’. … erm actually most probably do, you just know some really turds of men and also the standard for men is set so impeccably low that blokes thing women should be grateful for them tying their own shoes

oh i did, you didn’t say to not let it burn

This would have me absolutely losing the plot. He'd be fending for himself - in his own flat, minus a wife - after that.

but he thinks he’s a hero for cleaning up after dinner with the ‘most men don’t do this’. … erm actually most probably do,

Yep, they do. Decent men are capable of holding down important jobs and cleaning the kitchen. Just like women are 🤷🏼‍♀️

Are you seriously asking. You know the answer already. Of course this isn't normal. Is you had any emotional intelligence at all, you'd know it wasn't.

@Kanfuzed123
Im not grateful for a man tying his own shoe laces as I am not deluded by the patriachy and neither are alot of woman now a days
Hence why many stay single and cannot be bothered with the pantomime that is this

How old are you? We could ask a 5 year old and they'd know!

Old enough to be married 7 years have 2 kids and earn a ‘higher rate tax payer’ salary if you catch my drift

...... so not completely useless then !!!!!.

Of course he is.

Bet he would be able to fit a car seat if it was for his work

I’m actually disgusted to say that he’d put the kids in the car seats several times until I went to use the car and was aghast! He then was still remarkably resistant to me saying they were installed wrong, despite the fact you could fit your head under the base of one of the seats. His reply was well why don’t you do it rather than criticise and I just can’t even dignify that with a response, because a) I was cooking b) I was watching the kids and cooking c) because I have a bad back and d) because surely there is something you can do!

im sure he can cook, my moto is, if you can read, you can cook! But it just doesn’t happen.

he cooked one meal, once! But when we first met food wasn’t really a priority for me (I’d skip meals myself and forget to eat and grab something here and there, terribly unhealthy of course but was mid 20s young professional just wasn’t my focus)

I think this is 95% of men to be honest. I don't get it. Happy to tell you he's earning a big boy salary but can't put pasta on the boil for 10 mins without you giving him a medal.

Aw babes <3

@Kanfuzed123 stop cooking for him for a week. Say you're just having salad every night and let him crack on. I'm angry for you

@Kanfuzed123
Show him an article about poorly fitting car seats and the results of this

Sorry you are dealing with this

I've noticed that mine has times when he bothers less so I do pull him up on it. Maybe it's because we both work and earn about the same so neither feels more or less responsible for the life admin, there are certainly times when he does more but since COVID there are more frequent situations where I'm doing more. Sometimes maybe I can be a bit unreasonable because I like things done a certain way but I'm open to compromise too so if I tell him he's half assing it he usually pulls his socks up. They're all a bit the same, aren't they? It is very annoying.

Yes, yes, yes.

my DH is not at all lazy. He probably does a bit more than me around the house and with DD, on a balance. But the tasks are never done properly - he forgets to put a bib on DD, forgets to wash her hands, doesn’t quite make enough food for everyone, generally gets himself in a muddle. Forgets to do things. He’ll wash up fine, but not wipe down the sides which are covered in crumbs. Etc, etc.

i know there will be shouts of ‘weaponised incompetence’ but honestly I think men are just more prone to it than women - it’s like we have a third eye that can foresee accidents, spot something out of place in a room etc

its maddening but he does pull his weight so I try to bite my tongue

i know there will be shouts of ‘weaponised incompetence’ but honestly I think men are just more prone to it than women - it’s like we have a third eye that can foresee accidents, spot something out of place in a room etc

Im sorry but this is absolute rubbish.
Isn't it amazing how men can perform well at work, often in very complex roles, yet become incompetent fools at home.

It's not that they can't do it, it's that they think they're too important.

It sounds like you both have a lot of contempt for one another.

I hope you find time to laugh / talk / share as well?

My ex husband ended up like this that's why he's an ex. 17 years of it was far too much and I lost all respect for him he turned into a man child of little competence

Did you make him eat the burnt food AND clean the pan afterwards?

I’m not sure they do. I’ve been in a ‘top job’ at work and had them in the tiers below me and many of them were hopeless, rude and inconsistent in their attitude toward the job.

They seem to get away with it somehow. Probably because performance measures are such a ball ache.

I have definitely seen the work place equivalent of ‘You didn’t tell me I had to stir it’, which cost a lot more that a fiver’s worth of food.