Does anyone else have a husband like this?

[Kanfuzed123]

I know I usually post quite lighthearted things but there’s one thing that’s been getting to me for a while, I’m probably going to phrase this unreasonably or harshly and I’m prepared to get flamed/called out on it. But I feel like my husband can’t do anything. By that I mean without supervision or me having run around and check he’s done it properly after, which he doesn’t take kindly to.

some are minor thing and some not but he just won’t listen. I’ll give you a major for instance, been on holiday and rented a car, putting car seats for kids back in our car, because as per usual I’m watching the kids and cooking (I also have a bad back so it’s hard for me to lift them, bend over and install them) they are isofix (aka easier to install). My fault I didn’t supervise him or check he’d done it properly after. He’s taken both children out in the car since, I got to put kids in car and dc1’s car seat is 6 inches off the bottom of the car seat and dc2 isn’t flush against the back aka they are incorrectly installed, which he refused to believe but it’s f’ing deadly and anyone with eyes could see it was wrong, and no he isn’t visually impaired.

i ask to watch food whilst I feed baby, i come back and it’s burnt black to the bottom of the pan… I say to him I said to watch it, to which he says oh i did, you didn’t say to not let it burn

what’s really got me today, is our online grocery order. I menu plan and he puts the order in, i wrote explicit ingredients and then an acceptable sub… get the order to today and he’s ordered half wrong sodding stuff. I’m honestly at breaking point with it. This is ridiculous right?

Thing is , he knows! He wouldn’t really listen to me on erf car seats for ages until he found an article on fb so he’s really supportive on wanting to get the best car seat on the market which Of course doesn’t matter if it’s not in the car properly… the halfwit

Dear god. This is on purpose.

My DGF in the days where alot men did nothing for their children did alot more than this!

It is his responsibility to keep his children safe and well fed. As a minimum. No one is born knowing these things. He like the rest of us needs to learn it. But that would mean giving a shit.

Years from now he will wonder why he hasnt got a good relationship with his DC.

I couldnt stay. He sounds like an extra child.

I put it down to just fucking laziness.

My STBXH is not incompetent or lazy if it’s in HIS interest. He will fix a delicate piece of machinery if it belongs to a vintage motorbike. Or polish something to a mirror like shine if it’s mechanical.

But if it’s tidying the kitchen, he can leave a full pot of stew out overnight, or fail to see something that needs to goes in the dishwasher. Leaves shoes, empty envelopes, half full coffee cups and used tissues etc, etc all around the house.
He does not know how to tidy up after himself and is very untidy.

Then IF he does wipe the counters, he has to tell me about his “special” method (he uses a cloth!). If he sweeps the floor he leaves little piles of dust and the broom is left out. He is the master of unfinished jobs, major building DIY to really silly tiny ones. He just knows the house fairy has nothing else to do all day. We are both retired and the only house work he did on a regular basis was the dishwasher. I hadn’t seen him with the hoover in YEARS.

If I want something done and it’s not important to him, then it stays not important to him. I have been a mug for so many years. I just thought doing nice things for someone was a way of showing that love. Turns out he thought saying “I love you” once a week and doing fuck all was his “love language”.

Why put up with this? Why? Does he have an especially large penis?

When we first moved in together we actually cooked dinner together every night after work, it’s since having kids and my being off and the kids needing to eat earlier that it’s falling on me to either do it or to check up every step of the way. I can’t really chance my kids getting fed shit every day which I’m pretty sure would happen. I left when my father died last year and my daughter was fed the frozen left overs from the freezer (I always make extra for a pinch) and one attempt at a roast dinner which was slow cooked beef, couldn’t do roast potatoes so just got chip shop chips and then some frozen veg (I know it’s not that bad but ffs!)

she’s coming out of a meal refusal phase so family meals eaten together and all eating the same thing are super important according to the dietitian

hahahah

average

So am I.
About five months ago I completely stopped the coaching, hand holding , supervising and the carrying 100% of the mental load. I also stopped doing his laundry and cooking for him. I only do my 50% of responsibilities at home, look after our child 95% of the time.
He goes to his parents thrice a week to be fed and his father comes to our house every two weeks to clean the windows and do the gardening. Every time he turns up, I lose a chunk of respect for my H.

This morning he had the audacity to say “ I’m sacrificing so much.”

I asked him “sacrificing so much for what?”

His reply”to manage my own needs!”

I absolutely do not have anymore tolerance for his learned helplessness.

He obviously does have redeeming qualities and I’m complaining about the bad, but this has worn me down. It’s just one stupid thing after the other, I honeslty want to scream in his face ‘you literally can’t do anything’

This is insanity! Do you have young children? This imbecile would fritter his money away on takeaways

Why the fuck do so many women put up with this shit? If this thread is light-hearted, then I'm sorry but honestly it's infuriating to even read - I can't imagine living it every fucking day. It would be like having another kid. I mean, he's clearly doing it on purpose.

How do you find him attractive enough to have sex with?

Start to be more selective about when you pick up the pieces so that he feels the consequences of his actions. Maybe he will learn.
Long term I don't think I could put up with this

No this thread is serious, my others tend to be lighthearted.

truth is though, I don’t. I have a young baby right now so it’s less of a priority even how he approaches me is disgusting

Are you for real??

If my h did this I'd laugh AT him, share my feelings with him, and give him a bloody talking-to.

Why shouldn't op resent her useless h?

So if he fucks up the shopping he gets to work out the meals from what he bought surely?

Why did you marry him? You chose to have children with this man. Did you not have the skills to recognise his poor traits and qualities?

Where do you all find these teen-like gumptionless specimens? Or was it a case of "he'll change".......

Literally telling him how cross i am now and he’s laughing in my face. I am shaking with anger. I could cry angry tears

Mine can be like this, to a lesser extent. But I had an operation last week and can't do anything for 8 weeks and he has TOTALLY stepped up.

I think our being their safety net makes them half-arse stuff. When the safety net is gone, they get better.

I realise you can't risk leaving him in charge of kids' safety things, but I think I'd back off everything else. If the food order is wrong, I'd tell him it's wrong but then do nothing to fix it. Let him fix it. However he sees fit.

Why what is he doing? Asking for “bitty”?

So he thinks it's funny that his children could be injured due to him not being bothered to fit car seats correctly?

@Kanfuzed123 his problem not mine. When he’s not being fed by his parents he heats up precooked store bought meals and eats that.
After five years of the parent child dynamic, I’ve mentally,emotionally and sexually checked out.

He's telling you he has no respect for you.
Listen to him and act accordingly.

This is my husband..we are now in our 70s...before it was because he was a selfish tool now it's because he's old - apparently..

So he's an idiot too. Don't cry. Get angry. He's taking the absolute piss out of you.

that he acknowledged was dangerous, but also somehow my fault as I could’ve installed them