Partner has just walked out on me and 15 month old

[stressedhadenough]

He's been in a foul mood the entire morning. He's supposed to be looking after our DC (today is his day to do that, we have one day each per week to stay home with her and she's at childcare the other 3 days). Just so happens I'm off work sick today, though, so all 3 of us home together. He's been like a bear with a sore head following a disagreement about whether or not to put the pool up in the garden. That's it. Nothing even important or major. We just had a different opinion on it. He was a moody arse, walked away from me as I was talking to him, so I asked him what the hell was wrong, why is he being like this. Nothing's wrong he says. Right.

He says he's going to do the food shop. Says he will take DD. Right, great. He starts loading stuff into the car including her changing bag. DD then poos. I say "please can you just hold off putting the changing bag in the car, she's pooed, I'll change her before you go". He shouts back as he's walking away with the bag "just use the wipes on the kitchen table". I reply "I might also need the lotion, though - can I please just have the bag?" He grumpily brings it back, sighing. Then goes off outside in the garden.

There are no cotton pads in the bag - I realise they are upstairs, and DD is trying to pull off her nappy (new habit she's got into). I shout his name. No reply. I shout again. He shouts back "what?" in a shitty tone. I say please could you help me a second (don't want to leave DD to pull her dirty nappy off). He comes in, I ask could he please run upstairs for cotton pads. He sighs/huffs again, goes upstairs. Comes back down and then comes really close to me and goes "stop speaking to me like shit"; then walks away.

I said "me?? Are you joking? You've done nothing but speak to me like shit all morning!"
I then point out he's been like a bear with a sore head since the pool disagreement, walking away from me mid conversation, quiet and moody, huffing about the place, trying to put the changing bag in the car when I needed it (pointless, why would you do that?), and then being abrupt when I shouted his name asking for help when changing her.

He then went "right, I'm off, you can do the shopping yourself".

And off he sped in his car. I'm home not feeling well, looking after our toddler on my own, ok what is supposed to be his day to look after her. And now I am also responsible for the food shop which he has decided he's not doing.

Tried calling a few times to ask him when he's coming home, he answered one call and said "I'm not speaking to you, you're out of order, I'm not coming home", then hung up immediately. I tried calling back, numerous times over the past hour or so, he's ignoring my calls.

I text him saying "do you really think it's appropriate to just walk out on me and DD like that, leaving me to do everything today including the shopping when I'm not well?"

He replied "I haven't walked out on her, I've walked out on you. Don't use her". erm,., you've literally just walked out and left her here??

And that's that. So what the fuck do I do? Is he an arsehole or is he being reasonable here??

[stressedhadenough]

Should add that DD was toddling around saying "dada" after her left. It's broken my heart, she doesn't understand. I'm so angry that he can just fuck off like that and walk away from his responsibilities!

[stressedhadenough]

Anyone? 😥

[BoopTheFoof]

Ignore the man child. There's obviously a bigger issue going on with him.

[Teaandcrumpets95]

It sounds like a tense situation; is it possibly one of those days where you've both been snapping at each other? (Easily done when you're not feeling well)

Either way, his response is childish and he shouldn't just walk out.

If it's a one off it warrants a discussion, if he normally responds like that I'd be reevaluated the relationship, but admittedly I have a low tolerance for this kind of stuff.

Sorry, you're not well, maybe pop the little one in front of the tele, get comfy on the sofa and order yourself a take out to save on doing the shopping. Let him do it when he comes back.

[Suprima]

A genuinely nice loving man wouldn’t even act like this as one off

anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves

leave him, he’s a cunt and will act like this intermittently even if he goes back to ‘normal’ in between

[Spohn]

Has he dumped you, then?

Either way, sounds like this relationship is dead, or well on it’s way, so start making plans for single parenting. Whose house is it? Are you dependent on the boyfriend/ex boyfriend for housing or finances? Hopefully not, as being unmarried you have zero legal protections.

[Crumpleton]

Jeez... hard to understand which one's the child.
As PP said there's clearly more going on here than a difference of opinion over a pool.

[HouseInTheHills]

He just sounds really immature, especially speeding off in the car after? It all sounds very teenage relationship like.

Did you say something that he would take as you speaking to him like shit? Or is that just him being moody?

It all just sounds dysfunctional. Is that how you usually communicate with each other? Is he usually moody?

Stop calling him. Again, that’s very teenage like behaviour to keep calling. Don’t chase after him when he’s wrong. Don’t do the shopping.

I’d have a serious think whether this is the life you want for you and your child. I couldn’t live like it.

[stressedhadenough]

@Teaandcrumpets95

This is his usual default response to any arguments or disagreements. He fucks off and leaves everything to me, with no indication of when he's going to be back.

[SizzlingInTheBakingHeat]

I wouldn't tolerate someone speaking to me and treating me like that, is this how he normally is with you? Sounds like he wants you walking on eggshells with him, not a healthy relationship. If it's a one off as the above poster said you need to talk about why it isn't ok to treat you like that and make it very clear you won't tolerate it. If this is how he normally is I'd request he didn't return.

[stressedhadenough]

Those saying don't do the shopping, we have nothing in the house and I need things for our toddler so I have no choice. DD is currently sleeping but when she wakes I'll have to sort her tea, do the shopping, then come home and bath and bedtime etc. All whilst feeling like I'm going to pass out (he knows this, he's aware of how crap I'm feeling which makes it all the more selfish)

[momtoboys]

I'm afraid he was looking for something to blame you for so he could bolt.

[stressedhadenough]

He's now been gone for an hour and a half

[Suprima]

@stressedhadenough

@Teaandcrumpets95

This is his usual default response to any arguments or disagreements. He fucks off and leaves everything to me, with no indication of when he's going to be back.

So you need to leave him

[BryceQuinlan]

Why would he do anything else, if previously he has walked out and then things have continued on? I couldn't tolerate the walking out constantly.

[Teaandcrumpets95]

@stressedhadenough

@Teaandcrumpets95

This is his usual default response to any arguments or disagreements. He fucks off and leaves everything to me, with no indication of when he's going to be back.

In that case, don't have him back.

This is not a healthy situation for you or your child.

[stressedhadenough]

@Suprima

I've been weighing that up for a while. He does something like this then it improves slightly, he promises not to be such an arsehole, and we are back here again a few months later.

I want to leave, in all honesty, just don't know where to start with such a young child on my own. I also would feel so guilty about being the reason that DD doesn't see her daddy every day 😥

[stressedhadenough]

He's a good Dad to her, when he's here

[HouseInTheHills]

@Suprima

So you need to leave him

I agree. Don’t let your child grow up seeing this and you deserve better. You can’t rely on him as you never know when he’s going to walk out. He’s immature, moody and can’t communicate. Get rid before it gets worse.

[Mammajay]

I think you need couple's counselling. Today you could try saying DC keeps asking for you. Please come back to look after her as I need to lie down before I faint ( or similar)

[HerculesMulligan]

Me and my DH decided last year that we wouldn't comment on each other's tone of voice - we found it started more arguments than anything else and it just wasn't helpful. But neither of us would waltz out in a strop and leave the other feeling rough and in charge of a toddler, so you have more to fix than just the the issue of who might have spoken to the other person rudely.

[stressedhadenough]

@Mammajay

I think you need couple's counselling. Today you could try saying DC keeps asking for you. Please come back to look after her as I need to lie down before I faint ( or similar)

Sent texts to that effect about 45 mins ago, they remain unread and unresponded to

[Suprima]

@stressedhadenough

@Suprima

I've been weighing that up for a while. He does something like this then it improves slightly, he promises not to be such an arsehole, and we are back here again a few months later.

I want to leave, in all honesty, just don't know where to start with such a young child on my own. I also would feel so guilty about being the reason that DD doesn't see her daddy every day 😥

I wouldn’t want her seeing daddy everyday when she starts to get a clue about what a prick he is, sees how he treats you and thinks it’s acceptable for men to act in this way to the women they apparently love

he will probably start to get nasty to her when she is a preteen and starts sticking up for you

but you do you

[stressedhadenough]

His car has just pulled up

[Sexdoesmatter]

He's not a good dad - he treats you like shit and he's just abandoned his daughter when he's supposed to be caring for her. Please don't stay with this sulky, sexist man-child.