Partner has just walked out on me and 15 month old

[stressedhadenough]

He's been in a foul mood the entire morning. He's supposed to be looking after our DC (today is his day to do that, we have one day each per week to stay home with her and she's at childcare the other 3 days). Just so happens I'm off work sick today, though, so all 3 of us home together. He's been like a bear with a sore head following a disagreement about whether or not to put the pool up in the garden. That's it. Nothing even important or major. We just had a different opinion on it. He was a moody arse, walked away from me as I was talking to him, so I asked him what the hell was wrong, why is he being like this. Nothing's wrong he says. Right.

He says he's going to do the food shop. Says he will take DD. Right, great. He starts loading stuff into the car including her changing bag. DD then poos. I say "please can you just hold off putting the changing bag in the car, she's pooed, I'll change her before you go". He shouts back as he's walking away with the bag "just use the wipes on the kitchen table". I reply "I might also need the lotion, though - can I please just have the bag?" He grumpily brings it back, sighing. Then goes off outside in the garden.

There are no cotton pads in the bag - I realise they are upstairs, and DD is trying to pull off her nappy (new habit she's got into). I shout his name. No reply. I shout again. He shouts back "what?" in a shitty tone. I say please could you help me a second (don't want to leave DD to pull her dirty nappy off). He comes in, I ask could he please run upstairs for cotton pads. He sighs/huffs again, goes upstairs. Comes back down and then comes really close to me and goes "stop speaking to me like shit"; then walks away.

I said "me?? Are you joking? You've done nothing but speak to me like shit all morning!"
I then point out he's been like a bear with a sore head since the pool disagreement, walking away from me mid conversation, quiet and moody, huffing about the place, trying to put the changing bag in the car when I needed it (pointless, why would you do that?), and then being abrupt when I shouted his name asking for help when changing her.

He then went "right, I'm off, you can do the shopping yourself".

And off he sped in his car. I'm home not feeling well, looking after our toddler on my own, ok what is supposed to be his day to look after her. And now I am also responsible for the food shop which he has decided he's not doing.

Tried calling a few times to ask him when he's coming home, he answered one call and said "I'm not speaking to you, you're out of order, I'm not coming home", then hung up immediately. I tried calling back, numerous times over the past hour or so, he's ignoring my calls.

I text him saying "do you really think it's appropriate to just walk out on me and DD like that, leaving me to do everything today including the shopping when I'm not well?"

He replied "I haven't walked out on her, I've walked out on you. Don't use her". erm,., you've literally just walked out and left her here??

And that's that. So what the fuck do I do? Is he an arsehole or is he being reasonable here??

[Crumpleton]

@stressedhadenough

No you were right first time, 7.30am-9pm.

I earn quite good money, well above average. I'd be able to make things work on my own. It would just be a case of adjusting my spending and obviously downsizing.

You must be absolutely shattered mentally and physically.
So easy for me to say but unless you feel he is going to be 100% supportive can you ask him to move out for a while to give you some space.
With the bereavement to handle you really need to have time knowing you don't have to worry about saying/doing anything to make DP flare up.

[Magda72]

Sorry about your bereavement @stressedhadenough.
Ime this sort of behaviour doesn't change, esp this late in life.
This is the way he communicates & it serves him very well. He manages to make himself the center of attention & always gets the outcome he wants.
I too would hazard a guess there could be another women (just speaking from experience with this personality type).
I used to think that my exh would stop this behaviour & try to change if he realised he was going to lose his family. He didn't. He happily let me leave & then told everyone I'd split the family up!
This personality type with ALWAYS spin the narrative to suit themselves & will NEVER take responsibility for their own actions - it's always someone else's fault.

[billy1966]

I am so sorry for your bereavement OP.

I am nearly 60 and unfortunately I really agree that men as selfish as this man is highly unlikely to change.

He is detached from you, definitely not connected.

No man that was really a loving connected father would "punish" his partner by abandoning her with his child on a day HE was doing childcare.

Who cares if he is having an affair.

He's a shit father and partner.

You need to make plans when you are able.

He's one of life's wasters.

You deserve so much better.

[OldFan]

So sorry for your loss @stressedhadenough 🌺

[Annanomoly]

He's seeing someone else.
He had plans on his alone day and you crashed his party. So he left. He's feeling guilty but he can't accept responsibility so, he projects his s*** ness onto you.
Look at his vacation time, is he taking it and spending it with someone else? If so, track his car or hire a detective. Once you have the goods on him, take him to the cleaners.