Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Nothing much to say here (as per usual!) but I just wanted to send some ❤️ to @ButterflyOfShay and everybody else who needs it at the moment 😘😘😘

@SortingItOut he doesn’t want to let you go, 100%.
How’s your new tatt? I’ve been going bananas lately got quite a few new ones 🥰🥰

Hi @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers thank you for that 🥰🥰😘😘 hope youre ok x

Oh yes a classic 😂😂
I was thinking about the one where they went to the theatre to see a very long and boring play with the two women.. and Jeremy whispering to Mark they could be at home watching Heat.. then Jeremy scarpers half way through and is in ecstasy trotting up the road… so funny 😅

@ButterflyOfShay you're welcome, lovely. I'm bearing up. I'm going back to college at the beginning of September to redo my CIPD diploma 🤞🏻 so I probably won't be dating until next year, when things are more settled for me. I'm dreading it a bit to be honest, because I don't know how things will go (last time was a bit disasterous, to say the least,) but I want to give it a go 😘😘😘😘😘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

I think another thing I get nervous about is when they start talking about what they want in the future and weather they want to get married and have children, because I really want that, and when irons talk about that, I get too hopeful because I think they'll be able to really give me what I want, but I know I mustn't have those conversations with them until further down the line ❤️

Signoramarella It's so hard isn't it! Every July I think I might as well come back to OLD in September, but every September I only get chatting to men on there who have evening's free (no school hours) & that's still no good for me!

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers I know where you are coming from, you think you are being all 'tough' & then somehow they say all the right things early on & you realise that you've let your guard down way too early!
Well done on the studying by the way. Good for you

Butterfly That ones funny too! & The one where they all try to get each other sectioned

Haha yes I'm the same ! Started off with quite a cluster of men last September. Mostly just one date, then 2. Then they realised I've no freetime, availability, weekends booked up with kids stuff etc , and then loose interest. I need to find a single dad with no freetime, to have sporadic dates with. Someone on my wavelength! Unfortunately I keep meeting the opposite, wealthy single men, no ties, one even invited me on a yachting weekend which of course I could go on... its shit!

Signoramarella

yeah I’m the same
I have my kids 80% of the time
the thought of hiring babysitters and starting over is daunting
spent a fortune last time

I want to meet a nice single dad who’s got the same challenges as me

@Thisisworsethananticpated Of course he's being Mr Unavailable, he knows no different. What he does know is that he's missing me - the book could have been dropped off without me even being in contact with him but it was a good excuse for contact.

@Stepcount Too be fair my best friend was intrigued so I only agreed to meet for that reason.
Once Mr K said no to a 2nd chance during our chat weeks ago I got into the headspace of it being over. Of course I'm gutted but I accepted his decision.
I've filled my life even more and I'm in a even better place than I was when we were together. I'd even been thinking about future relationships and what I'd want (knowing I likely won't be looking until next year) so this new contact has thrown me.
I don't want him back (well maybe for the sex) as there was too much wrong with our relationship and it would take a lot of effort on his part to change.

Your Sunday morning brain dump is interesting, I think you have something deeper with Mr V than MrCocky but I can see why you'd miss the adoration.

@Mila14 I'd like to know but I doubt he even knows and I'm not dwelling on the whys and wherefores.

@ButterflyOfShay My tattoo is amazing, lots of hours of work but looks fantastic. I'm so pleased I had it done.

Lovely to hear about your tattoos. They're addictive although I won't ever go this big again!!

@Signoramarella and @Thisisworsethananticpated I could set you up with Mr K😂
He has his son 4 - 5 times a week plus has hobbies and friends so no real time for a relationship!!! He'd be ideal for you both!!

I hear you on the juggling having kids involves. I laugh when I recall my ex dh telling me, when he was leaving me with 3 very young kids, to go on dating apps and find someone else - like it's that easy! He had the luxury of me being full time mom our kids whilst he was free to wine and dine his mistress before deciding he wanted out whereas I'm still virtually a full time mom and trying to fit dating around them as a single parent - who is tied to non negotiable weekends because of the court order his mistress has in relation to her kids! I've lost count of the amount of men I've had to give up on because it transpired that our freetime didn't align etc 🤷‍♀️

@Slothmomma I feel your pain about having total parental responsibility, it's tough and so unfair. In the same boat myself, my exh heads off in his camper van every weekend during the summer, living his best life while I'm struggling to keep my relationship alive as I have the 2 kids to see to myself. Am right this minute wondering if its worth the stress/guilt.

Signoramarella & Slothmomma I know, & it's £10 an hour here for a babysitter & I think well even if the first dates an hour, add another hour for travel (can't split hours) & that's £20 (+ maybe coffee) I have to pay for every awful date
Plus it's leaving my kids with a stranger just to go on the dates!

Problem I've found with chatting to 'single dads' OLD is that (generally) they aren't the resident parent so they just don't relate. They make a big deal about the one night a week or whatever when they have their kid, saying how 'hard' it is & I just can't be bothered to hear it!

Agree, all the men my age are all listing 'travel' & 'weekends away'. I just pass them by because what's the point!

Hi LuckyLinda I spoke to you on the '40' threads Tbh it's hard not to feel bitter isn't it! We are on day 25 of the holidays & the kids have been with me for 24.

Forgot to tag you Thisisworsethananticpated. I hear you on the babysitters. I used to have my mum to babysit for a quick first meet one, but I don't now so even those ones will be babysitter dependant.

I hear you all
im really not sure what to do moving forward TBH

my casual thing suited me in so many ways..,

but he’s a selfish dick and after 8 months i was far too emotionally involved (and starting to lose respect for myself )

but I can’t have a ‘boyfriend’ per se anyway either !

and agree barely any single dads have their kids that often

SortingItOut

thats such a sweet offer!
Id love nothing more than another Mr unavailable who’s really hung up on his recent ex (you !)

yay 😁

Slothmomma

from reading , I hate your ex
wanker

Hear you all on that re juggling it all. Mine are almost-teens now but I remember trying to do all of this back when they were smaller and giving up because the misery of having a shit date and having paid £40+ plus just for the pleasure of walking out of my front door was too depressing sometimes. I met one guy who was telling me joyously how he had a strategy of meeting a different woman every day after work (he was a scientist at Google and was actually applying some sort of mathematical formula to the how long it should take until you meet the optimal person for you in a stack) and that I should try a similar tactic

It is easier now mine are older and I'm fortunate in that my ex has them eow and a night during the week... but once you mix in someone else's calendar and then possibly the juggles they need to do with THEIR ex and it can feel like breaking the Enigma code trying to make something work.

MrNice is the first bloke I've dated though who has similar aged children and although in a way it's harder (more juggling) I've realised I'm enjoying the fact we can both relate to what the other is dealing with and it makes a huge difference... all previous irons have had 18+ kids, occasionally living at home with them, but essentially they were completely free and past the difficult stages, and I always felt like I was playing 'catch up' in terms of what was possible for me.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think you can probably do casual with someone but would have to put 'guard rails' in place from the start to prevent you getting attached... like having a coterie of casuals all tending copiously to your needs

ibelieveinmirrorballs

maybe it’s time to explore my threesome fantasy
whilst I’ve still got a tan 😁

bit seriously when in doubt , do nowt !
the only men I’ll be texting are my builder and plumber
they won’t reply either 🙄

And as for the google scientist
good luck to him
they are bloody well paid though !!!!

If you want to chase the 'apex predator' of Mr Unavailables, you're doing the right thing pursuing your builder or plumber! Sometimes I think I literally need to leave a trail of £50 pound notes leading to my front door (with occasional cups of tea with milk and two sugars) to get them to actually turn up.

And the mad thing, fast forwarding 7 years and meeting MrM who lives in a different city and is several years older, is that he is friends with said Google scientist 😳

@Thisisworsethananticpated I feel your pain - plumbers, builders, painters, carpenters etc are the ultimate unavailable dates!