Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and comments.

The ceremony was so great, I'm really proud of my son especially as I was a teenage mum and people didn't expect great things from us.

Just got home, had to run the gauntlet of a family meal when we got back. Mr K should have been there and no one knew we'd met the night before to chat so everyone wanted to know how I was (they knew about the split) and I just burst into tears.

Slightly regretting the chat as it's set me back, back to the heartbreak diet so have barely eaten - even had my meal tonight boxed up and I brought it home.

I still know it's for the best and he can't meet my needs but it's going to hurt for a while.

@Eesha Sending love and hugs🤗

@SortingItOut it has set you back and hurt again but you needed to know how he felt, there is nothing worse than being left in limbo. I do feel like he is going to miss you though now the pressure has been taken away he’ll have more time to think and reflect. Men seem to act so much slower than us when it comes to affairs of the heart don’t they. Take care of yourself and its great you have the family support.

@Daydreamscometrue no one at all on the scene for me either it’s just really disheartening. I have just got over a 2nd bout of covid so haven’t really been doing anything which makes you feel lower. Hopefully more fun times just ahead.

Sometimes I wonder if someone put a curse on me … to have such a perpetually empty love life ☹️😭

@SortingItOut it might have set you back temporarily but at least you know you didn’t act out of impulsive reflex and approached the situation like an adult wanting to talk things through. You sound like you’ve been extremely adult about it and it’s clear that no matter how emotionally unavailable your reflexes may be when it comes to relationships, you’re putting a massive amount of effort into trying to move a bit beyond those reflexes. It does sound as though MrK is unable to meet your needs and I wonder as time passes and you lick your wounds this might seem even more the case as you look back.

@ButterflyOfShay sorry to hear you’ve had covid - there’s so much of it about! I’d agree that the period of having to stop everything can make you feel quite low afterwards so don’t be hard on yourself as you recover and get back to normal.

Counting down the date till my week’s leave from work - can start to feel that slight panic of getting everything done in time. It feels like in the run up to school holidays my organisation/industry packs in as many events as possible… another v early start tomorrow 🤪

@ButterflyOfShay i don’t think there’s any curse on you other than the relative difficulty of meeting anyone outside the apps these days! I honestly don’t know how I would meet someone, I really don’t.. and I work in a very male-dominated industry with a fair amount of f2f - lots of suitable blokes but I’d honestly feel as though the likelihood that I’d find a single one at the right time and in the right location and ever find out or speak to them in that kind of way feels next to impossible. Outside of that I live in a genteel quiet place with next to no action!

Thank you @ibelieveinmirrorballs . The stress and pre holiday panic makes it all the more worthwhile when you get there 🥰🥰

❤️❤️

I know the practical option is to return to the apps. But I find them really damaging to my mental health. And it’s not about going on a more chilled one, a more friendly one. It’s the whole thing of OLD 🥺 but I know it’s the most likely/only way of meeting anyone. Been off them nearly a year now and not had one date. It’s harrrrd 🥺😢

Hello - checking in after a short holiday on the sun and catching up with everyone’s stories.

ButterflyOfShay

I agree with ibelieveinmirrorballs

if it wasn’t for the apps I’d be shagging a married builder , or single dad neighbour
or , no one !!!!

and I totally get they (apps ) mess your head
but there is NOT a curse
and covid is depressing as hell xx

balkan and my sons BFF have both tested positive
I feel like death but so far negative and I’m flying Thursday 🙈

ButterflyOfShay

shall we do it for you 😂
we manage the profile , the chats , the arrangements
you sit back and vet photos etc

and turn up on the dates ?!?’

Marking my place.

My Cherry just messaged me after no contact for several week, I was just excepting that I wasn’t going to hear from him again, had decided not to message him and than he reappears asking if I’m free today, and when I say I’m busy he texts back the same message 3 times saying “ok no problem, have a good day” even though I said I might be free tomorrow and I asked how he was (no reply to that). His behaviour has always been very odd, not sure why I’m attracted to him.

I now have 4 irons, multi messaging isn’t easy 😬, infact it’s pretty tiring and I’m not sure any of them are fuckable.

Checking in and really sorry to hear about your break up with Mr K Sorting - take care of yourself and allow yourself to be sad - Well done to your son also - I’m sorry this break up has probably tinged the celebrations with sadness though.

Eesha sorry you are also feeling sad about Mr B. My ‘relationship’ with Mr TG ended last year because of a messy breakup and ongoing ex issues and I do feel he gave up on us because he couldn’t cope. I do think Mr B took the path of least resistance which I can understand to a certain extent but it makes getting over the break up all the harder as it seems senseless. You too need to prioritise self care and leaning into your lovely children x

I'm struggling a bit at the moment with things with Mr L...I'm feeling like we hardly see each other and I miss him a lot between dates. My feelings are pretty strong and its scaring me a little because I struggle to see how this relationship can have longevity because of distance and my kids. Then I feel selfish for pining for him and attributing any responsibility to my kids😧

Ridiculously my instincts are to end things because they are so good! I know I need to speak to him but dont even know what I want to say when nothing can change for the foreseeable future! I know he adores me, is the nicest, kindest person I know and is a wonderful addition to my life. I think part of my issue is we have not had a full weekend, just us two without social events etc for a long time and I think we need that to reconnect. In between dates we text intermittently and have a call a couple of times a week but I worry we will lose our connection especially when I am feeling like I want more - but can't really have more because of me😩

This post probably doesn't make sense to anyone but it helps me to write it down before I throw a bomb into my relationship!

@MayEye lovely to see you back. I'm trying to get on with things but I guess I just feel sorry for myself that I got impacted like this after such a short time.

@MayEye definitely don’t lob a bomb into the middle of your relationship and hope it survives! I’m not sure I have any words of wisdom except maybe to focus on what you have rather than what it can’t be at the moment. I sympathise with your frustrations, it’s clear that you both feel this is something special. Has there been any movement or improvement with your DC spending time with your exH ? Mr L is happy to see you and accepts the constraints. Hopefully somehow you can get some quality time together and refuel the relationship to keep things on track.

@MayEye sorry the cat nudged me and I posted before suggesting that maybe you could increase the phone/video call contact a little? That might help in a small way ?

MayEye

does he have kids ?
how
old are yours ?

either ways no bombs 💣

bit talk to him about this x

@ButterflyOfShay I know I'm a fine one to talk but maybe use the apps as a distraction rather than throw yourself into it.

@MayEye sounds like a tricky place to be in, but maybe taking to him will help? He may have very similar thoughts/ feelings and just doesn't know how to express them? It would be a shame to throw a bomb into something that sounds lovely and right. I hope you can come up with something that works for you both.

@ButterflyOfShay I've not been OLD for very long and already find it way too much so completely understand where you're coming from. You are definitely not cursed, dating is just really overly complicated these days. I like the idea of meeting someone in just a normal non online way.

@SortingItOut congratulations to you and your son on his graduation you must feel so sad and of course more emotional about everything. But it doesn't sound like MrK could give you what you want? Heartbreak is the worst but as we all know it does pass.

@Eesha I know I shouldn't say this but he will come back, we all know it won't work out with his wife. Just try to get on with your life and see if you still want him when he does. I know that is not mumsnetty to say but sometimes things are not straightforward?? and obviously is shit for you right now.

@ButterflyOfShay I am absolutely rubbish at OLD but i just think of it as 'practice dating' and as something to tell my friends about and moan about after years of absolutely nothing!!

I am just chatting to a few guys Mr glasses q like him but like pushing water up a hill. I think i would fancy him though as he sends me pictures and i do like the look of him. Mr retail who is so nice and polite but again extremely slow and Mr greece who is dead interesting and has the life i want as he just travels all the time. I like them all less than 3/10 but that is quite good for me ha ha

That makes total sense, I have had this happen before and it’s now the reason I am looking for FWB, my life is often hectic, I have 2 teen DC’s one who is severely autistic, there father doesn’t ever have them over night making it quite tricky for dating to move on too the next stage (relationship). I have met lovely men in the last and I have had to end it just because things could not progress further and I couldn’t cope with not seeing them much and not being able to move forward.

Lovemusic33

similar set up . I always said I wanted to meet another man with an autistic kid as they would get where I am at

iM relatively newer to dating
but I’m the same in that I couldn’t have a more serious relationship as kids are the priority for the next few years

and I’m glad you have met some lovely men

mr cherrry is a funny bugger isn’t he !

I have matched with several guys in plenty of fish that mention they have children with SN’s but none have messaged though I have recently started chatting to one guy who has just informed me he has a child with ASD (after I told him my situation) so there are guys out there in a similar situation. My dc are now 16 and 18 so I feel that (hopefully) in a couple years thing maybe easier and I can consider being in a relationship.

Mr Cherry is really annoying, tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if he has ASD himself, I think today he only messaged me because he thought I could help him out with something work related. I think I will have to give up on him for now, with the kids being home it’s going to be tricky to date anyway. Ideally I’m searching for a local FWB but this is proving impossible as most my irons are looking for a relationship.

Checking in to say hi to you all, I only briefly dipped into the other thread as my headspace is still all over the place after my break up.

Now decided to dip my toe very cautiously into OLD again, something I never wanted to do but, as a PP said, it seems the only way to meet guys these days. Have to say my age worries me now, Im hoping I'm not not way too old for all this but, hey, it you don't try, you don't know. I've started out on Bumble, seems a bit easier than Tinder (though probably all the same guys!) and I'm scared I'll find my ex on Match!

Good luck to everyone and those healing broken hearts, stick with it, baby steps and all that. I know mine will heal in time but flipping heck it's horrid isn't it!

Thanks angel. Sorry you feel rough too 😷 xx

Rude, head wrecking twat, deserves to be blocked