Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Nice date would be amazing , sadly no, stuck at home with the teens, trying to keep cool. No one wants to date a lady with no freetime away from.the ankle biters....still. here we are..

ButterflyOfShay

not me . I’ve started orange is the new black
and that’s my evening sorted !
and off to see an Old friend tomorrow

im in a very strange headspace also
I’ve now read that bloody (mr unavailable ) book TWICE
and I’m feeling pretty shitty about myself and my choices today

Aww Thisisworsethananticpated I hope you feel better... It's hard not to beat ourselves up sometimes isn't it.
Jealous of the OITNB, I'd love to watch that but can't on any of my services!

no date for me either, in the same boat as Signoramarella really.

Butterfly I always feel like that when I speak to somebody very near by, what if I reject him then I see him at the shops or something, it's just a weird situation isn't it!

Don’t worry @Signoramarella I’ve got no ankle biters, loads of free time and still no dates 😂

yeah @NervesOfCotton it can definitely feel awkward. I still see MrTrades about regularly but we’re on friendly terms so do say hi and have a chat. Wish he wouldn’t beep everytime he drives by and sees me though 😫

@Thisisworsethananticpated I tried to watch that but couldn’t get into it! Been watching peep show re runs for the millionth time. It still cracks me up 😁

Butterfly Haha, I'm re-watching that (again!) Too! Superhans & the snake is my fave episode I think

Talking of creatures, I just had one ENORMOUS great spider (shudder)
Ugh. Wish there was a man (or somebody braver than me) around for stuff like that...

NervesOfCotton

I’m a good spider catcher ! 🙂

Oh yeah @NervesOfCotton that was mark and jeremy’s party wasn’t it! It was such a brilliant series 🥰🥰

Early to bed here after last night ( sorry ,stealth brag )
of to the coast tomorrow for an ice-cream with bike club , about 7 of us going

NOOOO to monster spiders 😱

I catch them & put them out, but my hands are always shaking something terrible, & this one barely fit in the cup it was so big... & Then I spend the whole night convinced there will be more!

Butterfly It was, with the puke points & salad spinner

I’m sorry you’ve had some bad experiences like that in the past…

I don’t know what was up with me last night although I had had a very stressful work week and think there was a bit of an emotional crash when I closed the laptop - I think I felt the absence of a cuddle and hair stroke and a bit tantrummy almost about the fact it’s not available on tap. Which is clearly not rational or reasonable but perhaps I need to think about starting relationships with men who live a way away with busy lives and other commitments.

No date for me this evening but did go to a bar with friends although scarpered home as it was getting messy and I was starting to feel conspicuously sober. Had a lovely video call with MrNice which has helped a lot… seeing each other twice next week for two separate sleepovers.. it will be a first! Very much looking forward to that, he has an incredible ability to make me feel calm and excited at the same time when we have our video calls.. he’s such a quietly impressive human I feel very lucky in many ways.. will talk to him when we meet about these feelings I had yesterday.. sometimes I wonder if there’s a bit of self-sabotage going on..

Well having posted only a few days ago about my toxic tango with Mr Serb and how e we have agreed to keep it just a friends doing the mutual hobby /we went out today with friends who did not t know our new plan and assumed we were still a couple. We peeled away early and had the evening together -laughing and having so much fun and inevitably ended up cuddling and kissing for a couple of hours. So much for that resolve! But it has heralded a new ‘new’ because I feel much stronger/more in control and able to speak n freely as I would to s normal friend and I think e can more establish a healthier dynamic.

@@JangolinaPitt and @ibelieveinmirrorballs nice to hear your positive news! You can cuddle up together when the rain comes next week @ibelieveinmirrorballs

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'm sorry you feel shitty about yourself and your choices after reading the Mr Unavailable book.

The book can be tough going especially if you had no idea you were deliberately picking these men.

I was lucky that it was a lightbulb moment and that I was pleased to have extricated myself my crap marriage to an emotionally unavailable person.
I think you should feel pleased you left your marriage too.

I think because you're in this 'thing' with Balkan which you know is not healthy or good for you it's made you feel shitty.
I'm sure you'll walk away from him when you're stronger so don't beat yourself up about things.

You are worthy of so much more, you have a lot to offer an emotionally available man💞

I can't remember if you've had therapy yet, if you haven't you really should. Its helpful but hard

SortingItOut
thank you
for the kind words and for recommending that book 📚

I hope you are feeling OK and your bruises are healing too ?

I know that after a relationship was was 90% shit the chances of me going into one that’s 50% shit is totally predictable

its just all been a bit hard hitting and very bruising

but I totally needed it as if I hadn’t Id stay with Balkan and be still in this toxic yo yo

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'm still reading it (for the 2nd time) and seeing where I went wrong with Mr K too.
I think it's easier to accept that relationship wasn't working for me now we've split but if I was in it still I'd definitely feel crap.

I'm feeling ok, getting on and enjoying life and then bam, Mr K messages because he's seen on Instagran that my tattoo is finished (my tattooist shared it), then a 2 hr message chat ensues.....
I popped round to his yesterday to get a book I'd lent him and he'd lost and now found again, had a chat about what we've been up to.
Just weird and a complete mess with my head. Not sure what he's up to......

SortingItOut

id say he’s being a Mr unavailable

clearly still has strong feelings for you , sexual and emotional

and probably won’t change or ever have a meaningful discussion about the why’s and wherefores

but what do I know ! X

Aww @SortingItOut be careful. It must seem massively tempting to see him and wonder what’s going on- I would do the same I’m sure ( given that the relationship kind of ended somewhat out of nowhere without a specific issue like cheating ) I only advise caution because I wouldn’t want you to end up in that weird limbo place it’s so easy to get into where you question every message or action then go over events and speculate - endlessly in my case - about the ifs, buts and maybes. I’m sure you are doing well and looking forward and not back because you seem to have a good self awareness and purpose.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow yay, things with Ms Show sound fantastic, so great when you find someone who acts and responds positively. Got everything crossed for you 👍

I’m doing okay. Not enjoying the heat - sorry to be that person ! Didn’t see Mr V last night which is unusual but our plans got shuffled around and he’s here later.
I rather disconcertingly had a lovely dream about Mr Cocky ( very long term FWB who I am no longer in contact with) In the dream I felt all the deep sexual intimacy that he and I shared. He used to make me feel like the sexiest woman and we had a true spark and connection. It’s made me a bit sad because I miss that. And whilst there are lots of reasons why I love being with Mr V I don’t think I will ever have that kind of connection with him, he’s just not that sort of person. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I am making a compromise with Mr V but the thought of things ending between us is very scary because I genuinely like him so much. Sorry just a bit of a Sunday morning brain dump.

I hear you @Stepcount . I personally can’t be with a guy I don’t feel sexually happy with. Maybe when I’m 80 I will compromise! But you are living proof you can love someone deeply and have a a challenging relationship sex wise. You can have all the dumping you feel like
@SortingItOut … best wishes to you and be careful you are not hurt. Perhaps at some point he will be ready to explain what happened really in his head to drop the relationship like that

Oh @NervesOfCotton let's keep each other company here, I'm sometimes fantasise about a lovely date with an emotionally available man...then remember the kids need feeding etc etc. The never ending cycle of ensuring everybody's needs are met, except my own...

@Signoramarella …I hear you…but the problem is that when we find someone nice, genuine and attentive…we sort of don’t know whether we like him???

Mila14
couldnt agree more

I’m 100% having a hiatus at the moment from all male contact of the heterosexual nature

but from looking at my past , I’ve always gone for the tricky ones
never the ones that wrote me poems or bought me chocolates 🍫