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Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin
673

Dancerinthemoonlight · 18/07/2022 11:28

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

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Eesha · 18/07/2022 11:34

Thanks @Dancerinthemoonlight . Checking in.

Not sure how to cope as I'm feeling desperately sad and crying through work calls. When will this pass?

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SortingItOut · 18/07/2022 11:49

@Eesha I'm with you, I'm at my son's graduation and keep crying.
Partly about my split and partly for my son. They've got music playing that all seems to be love songs or sad songs.

This is hard but it will get better, let it all out. By tomorrow you'll feel a tiny bit better and each day will improve.

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/07/2022 11:56

Making x

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Stepcount · 18/07/2022 12:11

@Eesha do you think some of the tears are maybe frustration and sadness that a lovely guy, who you liked and he felt the same, has had to walk away under pressure from his wife? it feels extra difficult to sometimes get your head around when the reason for something ending is not incompatibility but mere circumstance. I find things like this the most difficult to accept.

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ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 18/07/2022 12:14

Checking in 👍🏻 thanks for the new thread, @Dancerinthemoonlight. hope everything’s okay with you ❤️

thank you very much for the lovely comments on the last thread @Thisisworsethananticpated and HowLongDoesItTakeNow. I do have a bit of a thing about getting older. Hopefully it’ll pass soon. 🤞🏻

@SortingItOut i’m so sorry to hear your news (didn’t get the chance to comment yesterday) hope you take care of yourself today ❤️

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Stepcount · 18/07/2022 12:15

@SortingItOut I would find being at my DC's graduation both a blessing and a curse on a day such as this for you, an overload of emotions. I hope you can find ways to celebrate your son's achievements without your sadness overshadowing it xx

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ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 18/07/2022 12:17

@Eesha you’ll be okay, lovely. It’s perfectly normal to feel sad. It’s still the early stages for you at the moment so feel free to let all your emotions out. You will get pass this. I think it’ll just take time ❤️

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BelladiMamma · 18/07/2022 12:52

I'm just coming on here to give my virtual buddies @Eesha and @SortingItOut a massive virtual hug. I'm so sorry you've both had to deal with this, life isn't fair sometimes and you two are absolute gems 💎 of women so I'm hoping that you meet someone who deserves you very soon 💖

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Eesha · 18/07/2022 13:24

Stepcount · 18/07/2022 12:11

@Eesha do you think some of the tears are maybe frustration and sadness that a lovely guy, who you liked and he felt the same, has had to walk away under pressure from his wife? it feels extra difficult to sometimes get your head around when the reason for something ending is not incompatibility but mere circumstance. I find things like this the most difficult to accept.

@Stepcount yes its this because just the day before, we were excitedly chatting about going away plus his new place. We haven't been seeing each other long so it's not like he would say no because of me, plus I know this is the right thing to help the children but I feel selfishly like he was the kindest, most decent man to me in this short time. Our dating was all the things I'd always wanted in a relationship and I struggle to see how I'd find that again.

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BelladiMamma · 18/07/2022 14:51

@Eesha and undoubtedly all of those good qualities are some of the many reasons that MrBlue's ex would like him back ...

Just let it all out today. Play all the sad songs and as @SortingItOut says it will get better little by little.

@SortingItOut hope you're able to enjoy your day 💖

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Mila14 · 18/07/2022 16:31

Checking in. Much ❤️❤️❤️❤️For @Eesha and @SortingItOut . Congrats on your sons graduation sorting. that is a wonderful achievement
@Eesha … I agree his wife knows he must be a very decent chap but equally he’s a weak man and probably he tried to find in you a massive kindness that was helpful when he felt low. I think you can find someone better and less damaged by the wife

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IsthatfreedomIsee · 18/07/2022 17:14

Finally finished catching up from the last thread.
@Eesha so sorry to hear the Mr Blue has decided to go down the road he has. His wife's put him in a difficult position and both you and him are the collateral. Give yourself some time to grieve over the relationship.
@SortingItOut 3 years is a long time. Hope you've got good friends to help you through.

Anyone got much of an experience with FWB? I've been on a couple of dates with a very nice, very attractive chap, I'll name him Mr French. There's a lot of chemistry and I think we are both quite happy with a more casual arrangement. I'm not long out of a very long marriage and really don't want another relationship which I have made quite clear. I do feel a bit insecure though with the whole dating thing. I can see he's still been using tinder over the weekend even though we've moved onto WhatsApp and have date 3 arranged for this week. I know its really early and I don't want to come over all bunny boiler but it's clear where the next date is heading (I'm fine with that) but not sure how I feel about him dating others if we are going to be intimate (there's been plenty of kissing already) do I raise it? Do I leave it until I'm sure we're compatible enough to continue? It's such a minefield

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ButterflyOfShay · 18/07/2022 17:38

Checking in baybeee @Dancerinthemoonlight 😘😘

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ButterflyOfShay · 18/07/2022 17:43

Oh breakups are just the worst… so sorry for the painful days you are both having @Eesha @SortingItOut

@Eesha think this one just stings the most as for once it was a lovely guy and the unfairness of the wife situation that is beyond shitty 💐

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Dancerinthemoonlight · 18/07/2022 17:47

I dropped off the threads for awhile as my iron was away for work and then had a family bereavement so had to fly to his home country.
He got back last Monday and we saw each other Wednesday and it was as if he hadn't been away. The chemistry was still there and the feeling of being home. We are planning our next date which hopefully with be this weekend. Should have been yesterday or today but he goes away for 5 days tomorrow and is back on Saturday so has to be at the place for the flight tonight as its a 3am flight.

I'm ready to have the define the relationship talk but going to bring it up when it feels natural and will probabaly have 1 more date before bringing it up just to make sure everything is going smoothly.

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ButterflyOfShay · 18/07/2022 17:55

@SortingItOut I remember from my last bad break up how certain songs can hurt so much. It’s like they touch the raw nerve in your heart isn’t it. Hope your son had an amazing graduation day though x

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/07/2022 18:54

SortingItOut
congratulations on the graduation 👨‍🎓

and im sorry that this has been marred by this
bit well done mama

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ibelieveinmirrorballs · 18/07/2022 19:04

Hope your days improved @SortingItOut and @Eesha / @SortingItOut congratulations to your son: a proud moment as a parent.

@Eesha the only thing that vaguely reassures me when I’m thinking I’ll never meet anyone as right for me again is that I’ve thought that before and then been proved wrong. It seems like you’re in a great place mentally in that you’re attracting decent men who treat you well and I’d say this means when you’re feeling ready to try dating again, you’re likely to find another equally kind and lovely man.

Thanks for the new thread @Dancerinthemoonlight 😊

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/07/2022 19:09

IsthatfreedomIsee

id get a shag in 😂
and if you still like him be honest that you wouldn’t be comfortable with non exclusive casual ? Many wouldn’t
and many would !

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ibelieveinmirrorballs · 18/07/2022 19:13

IsthatfreedomIsee · 18/07/2022 17:14

Finally finished catching up from the last thread.
@Eesha so sorry to hear the Mr Blue has decided to go down the road he has. His wife's put him in a difficult position and both you and him are the collateral. Give yourself some time to grieve over the relationship.
@SortingItOut 3 years is a long time. Hope you've got good friends to help you through.

Anyone got much of an experience with FWB? I've been on a couple of dates with a very nice, very attractive chap, I'll name him Mr French. There's a lot of chemistry and I think we are both quite happy with a more casual arrangement. I'm not long out of a very long marriage and really don't want another relationship which I have made quite clear. I do feel a bit insecure though with the whole dating thing. I can see he's still been using tinder over the weekend even though we've moved onto WhatsApp and have date 3 arranged for this week. I know its really early and I don't want to come over all bunny boiler but it's clear where the next date is heading (I'm fine with that) but not sure how I feel about him dating others if we are going to be intimate (there's been plenty of kissing already) do I raise it? Do I leave it until I'm sure we're compatible enough to continue? It's such a minefield

By FWB do you mean exclusive or not..? Because I think we can often let go of the bits that we tend to associate with “relationship” such as expectations, love, deepening connection.. more than we can the fidelity bit.

I’d definitely want to test the waters sexually before bringing up the idea of FWB - you might not click..

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ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 18/07/2022 19:51

So sorry to hear about your iron’s sad news, @Dancerinthemoonlight. so pleased though that things seem to be going smoothly for you. I often think about you and wonder how you’re getting on 😘

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IsthatfreedomIsee · 18/07/2022 19:51

@Thisisworsethananticpated I intend to. 😂 it's been a while, so definitely need to get back in that saddle

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I think that's pretty much it. I'm fine not having all the relationship bits but I don't think I'm fine with him sleeping with other women. I fully intend on testing the waters on our date later this week. 😬

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Daydreamscometrue · 18/07/2022 20:13

Checking in. Ironless as per usual :(

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Eesha · 18/07/2022 20:16

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I do think this one was special actually. Others have been a bit intense and drained me whereas this has been gentle and I felt so happy.

I ended up messaging him today as I was feeling desperately sad and we had a pretty good text conversation about it all. I'm in no doubt how he feels about me but also in no doubt that he's giving things a go with his ex. He feels he owes it to himself and the children to try. That stung but actually I understand. He told me his family and friends think he's making a terrible mistake. I think that drew a line under things for me anyway. The timing wasn't right and I genuinely hope he finds his way.

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ibelieveinmirrorballs · 18/07/2022 21:54

I’m glad you had a good text exchange this afternoon @Eesha and hope it helped a little. It does sound as though he was special and certainly showed you the kind of qualities you now know you value and need in a partner.

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