Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Levithecat

without wanting to be TMI either sex itself is a good addition to the womens phsyio exercises ….

and the fact your ex didn’t notice it speaks volumes

I cranked up the womens physio initially because I was peeing myself too much , and then because I was wanting to have sex again and I can safely say my expenditure on Tena lady is way less now

It would definitely be on the table if I wanted it. MrM knows I’ve met someone and is happy and encouraging about it. It’s a bit weird with MrM because the overriding thing with him has always been fun/friendship and having great days/weekends out. There was never a declaration of romance or strong feelings beyond mutual “you’re great!” - it was my getting attached that caused the anxiety because as I now see it wasn’t ever going to go anywhere beyond that.

I definitely don’t feel attached to him now in the same way, and he’s definitely been gently removed from the pedestal. It’s been good for that recently having occasional chats etc as I can see him clearly for who he is, good and bad. We get on well and have a laugh. Separately, I do feel very attracted in a different way to MrNice. There’s nothing lacking in it at all and the sex is fantastic, but it’s very different and the connection feels caring/kind/gentle as well as romantic and intense. I’m just very aware that we’re both getting a bit carried away and ultimately I’m his first ‘relationship’ post separating from his wife last year. I’ve been burnt with that before - rebound vibes etc - and want to take it slowly so I feel more comfortable with that. Still very confused overall though. I don’t want to do the wrong thing or be disrespectful.

Glad I’m not the only one who was struggling yesterday with the heat, it makes you feel like you don’t know what to do you with yourself, and with a broken heart it must just have been unbearable 😪 sending healing vibes to @Eesha and @SortingItOut know it’s cheesey words but just keep looking ahead and putting one foot in front of the other for the minute. Better days are to come.

Thank you @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers it’s been a bit of a forlorn week but ready to get back involved again now. If it’s not one thing it’s another with rail strikes, heatwaves, covid.. I just want to be sociable and mix with people!! Hope you are feeling ok this week 💖

@ibelieveinmirrorballs there must definitely be something real there with MrNice as if you still had those feelings you did for MrM I don't think you’d be feeling it with MrNice. I do find guys can get a bit carried away but I think he feels really genuine about you.. easy to feel a bit freaked by it but you can 100% control the pace x

Thanks @ButterflyOfShay I’m definitely into him but it’s almost despite myself. Even at the end of our first date I had no real sense as to whether I fancied him but then we kissed and the ground did almost feel like it moved - it was weird!

Gosh @SortingItOut it is those little things. I’d be the same with my dogs. Keep going though, brighter days ahead, and eventually someone who will love your pups even more.

thank you @Thisisworsethananticpated , that’s the encouragement I need 😄 I just miss my pre baby bits. Hopefully after the op I’ll be like a 20 something again (but will settle for slightly neater and not peeing myself all the time)

😂😂😂😂…4 irons is a lot going. Remember not to repeat the same message to any twice!! I hope a number 5 comes along and this one is totally fuckable

@MayEye …I agree with the rest here. Please no bombs. Enjoy what you have and if I understand well you have DC with you a lot and it’s also harder to schedule for him. When you feel calm and a bit in control with your feelings write a list of small things you think you want to discuss with him perhaps. All short term things. This is not the time to plan the future. You will be just fine

@Thisisworsethananticpated …oh no!!! Hopefully you will be fine. Just fly and take a well deserved break.
welcome back @JangolinaPitt !
@PushkaMcgee …Never too old to date and I certainly believe many get lucky with OLD so just see how it goes
@bluetatoo …welcome too. Nice to see more posters here
@SortingItOut …super well done about your lovely son. Good things happen in your life and well deserved. Think of positives like that too. It’s a massive achievement as a mum too to see your son graduate. You need to take a little break and soothe your pain before getting out there again
@Eesha …I hope you are feeling a bit more positive today. We are all rooting for you because you seem such a lovely and generous person. You will attract someone else like you

Awww @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers …you are a lovely YOUNG woman 😂😂😂.Remember you have time and space and options galore. Let those irons seek themselves to you

your condition will change in October. I need to Google this but in any case if it does not affect your sex life ( ie does not hurt you or impede intercourse etc) I would keep it to myself and wait to communicate nearer the time of surgery??! I really don’t know enough but I think I would not say anything if it’s my body and my condition and it plays 0 role on my partners health. I will Google it though

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …hmm …swim, picnic with MrM sounds like you might be end up having more than a kiss with him… I think you are right in taking things slower Mr Nice. Bit having “a swim” with Mr M means you can get hurt
Protect yourself and your feelings. It’s too early to talk gf/bf with Mr Nice. You’ve only DTD once if I remember well. There’s 0 hurry.

@Levithecat …can you not have lovely dates and kissing and petting and wait for surgery to be out of the way??! You will feel ALOT BETTER and more confident. It’s only October. You can have dates and not DTD until you feel fully ready and in control of your body. I’m putting myself in your shoes and I think I could date a few times before DTD with some I like a lot

i keep chatting daily in the night as we are on holidays each with kids and busy with MrWall. It’s tricky. I think we will just have to wait to meet in real life but he’s very attracted to me and I am very attracted to him. He still is quite controlled about himself and guarded but hey …even if we are risk averse…we need to open up a bit emotionally or nothing works
I. Not chatting to anyone else and don’t particularly care whether he is. It’s quite strange but my feelings about this OLD is it will happen if it has too and no pressure is better .

Thank you @Mila14 I've got a few chats going on Bumble, which is nice, none of them really float my boat but I think that's because I'm still hung up on my ex, however, it's doing me good and I'm up for meeting a couple of them and it's actually good not getting over invested in any of them! Good luck with Mr Wall

@Levithecat I agree with other posters, just take your time with any dates you have, enjoy the kissing etc and don't think of DTD as yet, it may make you feel under pressure and taking it slowly is always a good thing.

Hugs to those, like me, still struggling with broken hearts, keep taking those baby steps onwards and upwards

Just getting around to a post wedding update. Day overall went better that expected. A few of his work wives are very extroverted, very touchy feely too and I had to adjust to that but they do seem genuinely nice and are very good to him too so all went well. I keep thinking we are very different in so many ways despite how well we get on and when I'm in one of my wee ruts like this week I overthink and pick holes in everything. He wants us to go on a holiday together soon and is also happy for my DD to come if it makes it easier for me to get away. Aw it's not easy moving on from my own insecurities but he has definitely brought so much good to my life that I know I need to. Hugs to all those in difficult places and all the best to those happy with where they are at.

@MayEye and @Lovemusic33 am.in similar situation. My last relationship didn't work. Both had teens at home. No time together. Frustrating ! A fwb situation has developed that's all.it can be for now.
Now I've met a lovely guy on OLD he wants it to move forward, I can't see how I can fit him in, the mental load of looking after teens alone,the job. The bills. The house, its all so overwhelming. Fgs I don't even get a night off ! All I need is a weekend alone with him......that would be a fantasy. So ladies I totally get where you are coming from..

Thanks everyone for all of the supportive messages. You've talked me down off the ledge when I needed it!

You are all right of course - I have a wonderful thing going with a great man and projecting too far into the future is only robbing me of enjoying the moment. I couldn't do FWB, I know I can't, I get strong feelings and the uncertainty of it all would give me anxiety.

I had a call with Mr L last night and was feeling weirds until I spoke to him and it all just went away - he is coming to mine this weekend and was full of plans and is genuinely excited to see me. I like @Mila14 s suggestion to write it down and think more before I speak to him. We see each other EOW as that is only time my kids are with ex. He has an adult son so is free whenever. My kids are still not ready to meet him so while he is willing to come here when they are here he understands its not on the cards at the moment so our time is limited to EOW. (think I'll start another thread about my kids and relationship!) We do have a weeks holiday planned for next month so loads of time just us ... I may be posting again saying it was too much and EOW is brilliant😂

@LuckyLinda3 …seriously. I think taking you to this wedding and meeting the people he’s with everyday speaks volumes. The fact he wants to go on holidays with you and include your daughter is absolutely awesome. If you like this guy and are happy with him please enjoy and don’t overthink.

Aw thanks @Mila14, yes I do really like him, no I actually I think scary as it is l love him and maybe that fear has held me back a bit but yes you are right about chilling and just enjoying this for what it is.

Just an update from me - have my first date in 9 months tomorrow night 😱 I'm out of practice 😆

@Slothmomma thats sounds exciting! Good luck, where are you meeting? Keep us posted!

@Slothmomma that is exciting..! Have you had phone/video calls before meeting? Have a great time later 🤞🏼

@LuckyLinda3 that all sounds great… try to relax into enjoying it… it’s hard I know but try to!

Last day working today before going on leave - cannot wait. So so busy this week it’s been one of those weeks before you go on holiday where it feels like you’ll never get everything done. I do love my job but ffs sometimes it feels all-consuming 🤪

Last night I went to bed at 8.40 I was so tired… off shortly for first pt session since getting Covid weeks ago - have also been eating crap and not exercising enough. Doing a drive-by meet up with Mr Nice en route to the airport - going to have a quick snog in a lay-by… ahh the glamour.. and then going to stay with him for a couple of days when I get back. Still have very slightly mixed feelings about it all although when we speak/see each other it’s all suddenly totally fine.

Hi I’m new here. 38 and newly single. Need to start dating soon as I’d like to meet someone and start a family. I’ve often seen on mumsnet that you only need to meet one, and if he’s the right one, things can move quickly - at this stage in life you know what you want etc. I’ve dipped my toe into one of the dating apps (Hinge) but I’ve hardly had any interest. It’s so depressing and makes me feel awful, esp as my partner left me for someone else. Would love some support please. Thanks very much.

You might want to change your user name for a start @onlinedatingsucks 😬

I never got on with Hinge, just seemed to get very few likes and never got a chat started, whereas was inundated on others like Tinder, OKCupid, Feeld. I wasn’t necessarily looking for conventionally-shaped relationship however..

OLD can be soul-destroying, but can also be fun. I’ve made a couple of good friends along the way and had more adventures than I’d had for years previously. The rules above are a great starting point - don’t take any of it personally, recognise there are some absolute twats out there and don’t be shocked when you come across one, and my personal rule is never to meet without phone and video chats. I’ve never had an awful date as a result, the worst case scenario is usually that there’s just no spark and that’s par for the course and nobody’s fault.