If your DH/partner had an affair, did she look like you?

[Byronalso]

Soon to be ex DH had an affair for 2 years. We are British Indian, medical professionals, very close to our families, just a normal family (or so I thought)

Exs affair partner was a white British woman, tattooed, single mother. No hate for her, I blame him but I’m struck that he couldn’t have gone more opposite to me if he had tried. I don’t know if it would hurt less if she was a carbon copy of me or if it’s better we are completely different (well I’m now a single mother so not that different).

If you saw/met the other woman was she like you? Did you prefer it that way?

As far as I know I haven't been cheated on but when myself an my ex split up they got in a relationship with someone else pretty quick who looked nothing like me! My current partner looks nothing like my ex. Complete opposites. I don't think appearances is a factor really, he's an idiot for cheating. Simple as really.

My Exs mistress was a carbon copy of me just 16 years younger. It was so odd.
I don't think it helped really, I was still devastated.
Sorry its happened to you, it is so difficult.

@Byronalso I tend to think it's not so much about looks with men.
Men sleep with who they can
Women sleep with who they want.
I think most men if the opportunity arises will ( their type or not )

I once saw a study (?) that said women have ONS with more attractive men, but marry less attractive.
For men it was the opposite, they had ONS with kess attractive, but married more attractive.

What does this have to do with anything? i don’t know…. But it just came to my mind after your post.

We had a family at school and wife no2 was the absolute spitting image of wife no1. They could have been sisters. It was very acrimonious and I believe was the outcome of an affair. As the receptionist, I wasn't always sure which one I was talking to!

No - my ex-DH's affair was with a woman (now is wife) who didn't look anything like me.

However she does look very like his mother.

Very different. Opposites in colouring, different ethnicities. Contrast was probably part of the appeal.

His new wife, on the other hand, is a younger version of me!

I looked nothing like his wife other than a similar hair colour. And completely different personality/interests.

@Sonervousimgonnathrowup
Yeah I think women are likely to settle more with an emotional mature, stable, financial secure man whether he's really attractive or not.
But men will sleep with pretty much anyone if the opportunity arises even if he has a stunning wife/partner at home.
Women probably have to find the potential ons ridiculous to good to resist.

She was my 'best' friend and very similar to me

I was pretty different to the OW. It meant that I didn’t suspect her when I was trying to work out who it was which I felt pretty stupid about later on (I knew it was someone I knew).

It sounds like you're blaming the injured party for 'letting herself go' or not wanting sex regularly enough.
Most men are dick heads and every hole is a goal to them. They could have the most beautiful wife on the planet and they would still cheat if they thought they could away with it. That's why it's better letting the men work for it and don't be too nice to them.

No she was shorter than me by alot and wider than me by alot. Shaved head.

Although she does try to dress like me and have the same hobbies as me 🤷‍♀️

No. Both times it's happened to me she was shorter, blonder and, according to the man concerned, dumber

I was upset in both cases that the man I thought I loved would want to be with someone he considered way intellectually inferior to him. But appearance-wise I don't think I'd feel better or worse about her resembling me or not.

However I have seen the "younger model" thing in action, numerous times. DD's friend's dad has recently left his wife for a woman who looks just like his ex face and hair wise, but is younger, taller and slimmer. I really feel for the ex but I also think she knows what a twat he is and is better off without him.

Sorry you've had to go through it OP

I think when that happens as opposed to the man just wanting any sex it’s usually because his wife has either gone frigid or really let herself go.

Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, Eva Longoria, Sienna Miller, Shania Twain, JLo, Gwen Stefani, even Beyoncé -- they've all been cheated on by their husbands. I don't feel any of them let themselves go? So I guess they didn't give their poor partners adequate shagging, the selfish bitches.

Well it works for me @HamHeadSarah 😉

it’s usually because his wife has either gone frigid or really let herself go.

"Frigid" often means "gone right off sex because he's a lazy selfish manchild"

"let herself go" often means "has a fuckton of other stuff to do besides titivation and putting out, like all the childcare and housework he doesn't do, on top of her job"

My ex cheated with a girl similar to me,same hair colour,build,she had a few tattoos like me, difference was she is significantly younger than me around 12 years younger,& her temperament is the opposite to mine I can be feisty but she's another story,angry,violent, confrontational. They used to go to parties,drinking,do things while I was at home with the kids & if I said to him I'm going out with my friends it was always oh well don't be drinking too much etc etc it's not very nice yet he was whooping it up with her pretending he was in work 🤦🏻‍♀️

My dad is on his third wife (affair each time) and all three are physically alike and from similar backgrounds.

In my dad's case each wife had committed the mortal female sin of getting older, very unseemly.

My ex cheated on me, and she was the complete opposite of me, but rather like his mother. He is now married to someone who looks oddly like his sister. I think we weren't suited at all

She was the opposite of me - short, blonde with blue eyes.

All my significant partners have been short, dark hair with blue eyes. Seems I have a type more than my ex did.

My dad chose someone 16 years older than my mother.
She said that cut like a knife