If your DH/partner had an affair, did she look like you?

[Byronalso]

Soon to be ex DH had an affair for 2 years. We are British Indian, medical professionals, very close to our families, just a normal family (or so I thought)

Exs affair partner was a white British woman, tattooed, single mother. No hate for her, I blame him but I’m struck that he couldn’t have gone more opposite to me if he had tried. I don’t know if it would hurt less if she was a carbon copy of me or if it’s better we are completely different (well I’m now a single mother so not that different).

If you saw/met the other woman was she like you? Did you prefer it that way?

I do know a little about Gwen Stefani and it seems her husband cheated with the blonde nanny - I can’t say I’m entirely surprised as she’s always working

Why is a man's deceit the woman's fault? Do you have no respect for men's autonomy?

If men cheat when their wives are being too "masculine", why do (according to research) 10% of men cheat when their wives are pregnant? Can't we argue that being pregnant is the ultimate state of femininity?

All men have the same ‘type’. It’s the type who will sleep with other women’s husbands.

This has to be satire right? You can't honestly believe this level if pick me ridiculous tosh?

Alternatively this reads like some form of Patriarchy Stockholm syndrome.

Nothing like me

Tattoos (which he ironically always said he hated), quite chubby (where as I had worked hard to get myself back after DCs), botoxed, dyed hair (me and his previous exes had all been quite natural looking)
She had a menial job at his workplace

it didn’t last, obviously

my counsellor said in her experience, the vast majority of men ‘affair down’ because they need to drop their standards to find someone to put up with being a mistress
A secure, confident woman is not going to put up with the sneaking around etc

I once had an affair with someone who hadn’t told me he was married. When I found out he had a wife she looked a lot like me. Same colouring, same hairstyle, same general look and style, even the same job. Having said that, maybe men just have a type - a couple of my exes subsequently married someone who looked a lot like me.

No she looked completely different.

Goodness no, she is nothing like me. They worked together and for years he slated her. Called her the office bike, and quite a few other not so nice things. And how much drama she causes in people's lives etc. He would tell me all the office gossip, most of it she was involved in. He was even very put out when she approached him to loan her money. Which AFAIK he didn't.

Clearly when it was his turn to 'ride the bike' something changed.

They were recently married. There is nothing but drama there, but I just smile and wave.

His bed. He had to lie in it.

But no, she is the polar opposite to me in looks, temperament, and dare I said it without sound awful, also in upbringing.

Not quite the same thing but if you lined up photos of DBs ex wives x 2 and his current partner you would honestly think you were looking at photos of the same woman: hair and eye colour and fashion style. Similar personalities too - they all seem to coddle him. 🙄
We quietly wondered if that's why he always calls them all "darling" as he forgets their names!

Yikes!!

My ex's new partner is very similar to me, we go to the same gym and I sometimes run into her.

You couldn’t have got more different!!!

Me
tall
average weight
worked all my life
never been in a cop car let alone a court room
no tattoos
no kids
tee-total

Her
short
very over weight
on benefits not working due to her criminal record.
tattoos
kids by multiple fathers
alcoholic

She was also a lot older than me…

I look nothing like his wife. I am small, blonde, introverted and have a job rather than a career. Wife is tall, brunette, alpha type personality, confident and very successful in her career.

But I do agree with a pp that most men cheat with who they can rather than pursuing a type.

My ex was still obsessed with his ex. He was hinting at me doing my nails and hair like her and half her Facebook photos she's in red jumpers where as I wear pastels. He suggested I'd look better in red and said I'd look nice in a nice black jumper.

She also had thick long dark hair. We were the same height. Brown eyes. Natural makeup. Even both had size 4 feet although he didn't know that part lol.

I know he spent out whole relationship comparing me to her. I always knew if they were talking because if they weren't texting he'd be more spiteful about her. When they were he'd end up nostalgic.

Men can be absolutely dark and twisted. We split up in april when he sent her a song and said he was lying in bed crying over the past with her. I felt not good enough 😕

Please don't feel and about you. Your worth so much more my lovely

That sounds hard. How did you know it was somebody you knew if you didn't know who it was.

This thread is hilarious.

Those poor innocent men who aren't getting their needs met because of wives not making themselves constantly available.

Although I am rather cross, for 6 years I worked as a live in nanny and never once was I propositioned by the husband. And I was young and hot, dagnammit!!!! Maybe I wasn't 'feminine' enough.

No, without sounding like a mega bitch, she was horrifically ugly. Which really really hurt me. Both in looks and personality.

i didn’t understand why he would cheat with this person (and give me std’s nearly killing our unborn baby! And then continue to shag her while our baby was seriously ill in the nicu)

Yes, she's like me but more so.

I'm dark, short and was petite (working on regaining that bit). She's darker, shorter and more petite.

My eXh affair partner is scarily like me. Everyone comments on it constantly. However, she's 8 years older and much rougher looking (im not big headed/over confident but she's bad).

Everyone always comments how alike we are from a distance then they see her close up. Does make me feel slightly better 😂

Yes, the mistress looked like younger version of me!

Just to cherry pick one - Jesse Janes I a trashy, rough as fk, serial cheat.

Everything about him, nothing about Sandra Bullock.

(Other than her questionable taste in men. Her current beau is an ex drug addict who became a single Dad when his ex passed away but before that, he was being chased just to pay child maintenance for his child and left them with their drug addict Mum .. so she hasn't really wised up).

Not an affair but next doors ex looks exactly like his current partner, I did more than a double take

In summary - cheaters gonna cheat.