My boyfriend was accused of sexual assault by his ex

[Ragdoll22]

Hi all, I appreciate some guidance on the actual process of all this.
My boyfriend has been accused of sexual assault by his ex, and she has formally reported this to the police. He has refused to attend an interview unless he has legal support sorted, so that will happen next week I guess.
Obviously he is raging, I have never seen him this angry. I understand why he is angry but it’s quite distressing.
Since he has refused to speak to the police he doesn’t know what exactly he is being accused of either. He insists that he did not assault her and that he has no idea what she might be inferring. I obviously believe him because she only reported this after we made it official that we are an item.
Does anyone know what might happen down the line apart from both of them giving statements? I would rather not get dragged into it but I am finding this hard to deal with. Thanks

God I knew there was something off about this…

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4566250-personality-disorders

Seriously OP how many more red flags do you need? Your vulnerability is really worrying me.

That link is broken for me @Closetbeanmuncher what is it?

I’ll try link again..

The op posted another thread a couple of weeks back, I remembered the username.

I won’t disclose her condition but the boyfriend she describes in that is cruel, manipulative, aggressive and domineering sociopath..

Definite extreme APD/NPD traits, apparently he is friends with the ex according to the last thread.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4566250-personality-disorders

Is it still broken? I really hope op has someone irl watching out for her..

Just a warning OP's other, other thread is quite upsetting.

OP this thread could be a lifeline for you and help you end this relationship.

It's abusive and unhealthy, please understand that people aren't attacking you, they're just concerned about the dynamic and don't want to see you being further abused.

I hope you don't mind me saying this but I think you name changed because the thread about him being angry you said no to a sex act is relevant and reveals his true character.

I think you want to be loyal to him and not paint him as a bad guy. But he is a bad guy.

Please try to let people help you

Yes, it does thanks. What a mess. Poor woman.

Click link didn't work for me but copy pasting the non-clicky one did.

Once again, layers upon layers of defending him, reasons why everything is great, but it clearly isn't.

OP, we all know how hard it is to accept that you've given your love to someone who hasn't treated it properly and the need to sustain the relationship to make it all palatable, to prove he cares really, to be the woman who understands him and betters him. But it's bollocks. It doesn't work that way, even if he likes the narrative too (and why wouldn't he, he gets lauded and defended for being entirely self serving).

I wouldn't scene with this guy if you made my collar out of the Crown Jewels. It's sinister.

Side point, do you say in the other thread that you've been together a year, but here you say four months?

There is a trend recently of mners linking and posting other threads or posts by tbe OP. I havent read it although I'm sure its relevant and I good faith however

It is against MN rules.

It's not a recent trend at all.

Is it against the rules? Why have an advanced search function if you aren't allowed to use it? And why can't people look at a thread someone willingly posted publicly?

As I said in posts ago Mn said to me in an email that they take a dim view of it.

I dont disagree on this occasion as Op is clearly not being honest, but it just doesn't sit right with me.

I can't see the point in having advanced search and content available if you're not allowed to use it. There's always the option to name change, although, as now, that can go wrong.

She did.

No, threads being accessible is fine, but something doesn't sit right with me about going over and coming back and repeating things said in another thread. That's just me though.

@Ragdoll22 Are you ok? I hope you have people offline looking out for you.

I imagine this thread has been a tough read. I don’t disagree with anything the previous posters have said and I’m certain these women are advising with concern for you at heart.

OP, your other threads suggest he doesn't respect your boundaries at all. There are red flags everywhere.

He's pushing you to do things you've tried before and said you've not enjoyed. Once a boundary like that is set in a relationship, it should be honoured without debate. That is respect in a relationship.

He also has narcissistic, vindictive and cruel traits. Not necessarily a choice but he has personality disorders which make him more predisposed to that kind of behaviour.

You've now set a boundary and said you needed space but he has turned up unannounced to check you were OK. Having had narcissistic people in my life previously, they tend to worry they are losing their grip on you and come running.

Take the time you need to reflect by make sure you actually get the space you need. Tell your sister everything so she can support you and you have someone to talk to about this. In terms of this criminal case, please wait for the outcome of Claire's Law before letting yourself get drawn in to the notion he's innocent.

I hope you can also discuss this with a therapist.

If it were my child, sibling or friend telling me this, I'd always advise them that it's better to be safe than sorry. It's better to risk heartbreak and feel like one got away in years to come than risk your life or being in the exactly the same position as his accuser.

You have completely misinterpreted the reason for sharing the post face

Neither I nor any of the other users have insulted her, and it isn’t about her not telling the truth, we know why she’s done that.

If you withhold information on an anonymous forum then you most certainly withhold information irl, so who exactly is looking out for her??

Realistically, we are the only ones to be able to speak to her and let her know how wrong on so many levels this predator of a man is.

You've just made that up.

People doing want to give full details online for a variety of reasons.

Re my misinterpretation, I actually said on his occasion I get it.

😬 that’s nice dear

Are you here to offer the OP advice?

I have done, several times, across the thread. Thanks for the dismissal.

This OP needs help, not other people's arguments.

OP please get safe.

Out of hundreds of LTBs over the years there's only been a couple of times I've been so worried about an OP.

Oh your shitting me.
Oh ok please stop.this madness.
I don't want to be cruel.but wtaf are you doing.
Your other thread was awful.
To lead to this one...my god please seek emergency help from your therapist and find a way out and away from him.
This is seriously worrying.and although the "digging" up ops threads I find myself going up and down over, in this particular circumstance it makes things really f* clear and really bloody terrifying.
and if all true really different advice people should deff be givung the op .

Same. This is the scariest thread I’ve ever read on MN.

Hi OP I know you said you were stepping away and I also understand there's been a lot of info to take in on this thread.
But please could you come back to let us know you're alright. For every negative comment there's ten who are worried and who do care.

I have just read your other threads and would gently ask you to step away from someone you have only been seeing for a few months but who has been manipulative and cooercive with requesting something sexual that leaves you in tears afterwards.

You deserve better irrespective of whether this allegation is true or not.

Conflicting information given on both threads. The first one they are together over a year and he is friends with his ex and now they are together only 4 months and he has been accused of sexually assaulting the ex he was friends with.