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Original poster

My boyfriend was accused of sexual assault by his ex

408 replies

Ragdoll22 · 09/07/2022 15:51

Hi all, I appreciate some guidance on the actual process of all this.
My boyfriend has been accused of sexual assault by his ex, and she has formally reported this to the police. He has refused to attend an interview unless he has legal support sorted, so that will happen next week I guess.
Obviously he is raging, I have never seen him this angry. I understand why he is angry but it’s quite distressing.
Since he has refused to speak to the police he doesn’t know what exactly he is being accused of either. He insists that he did not assault her and that he has no idea what she might be inferring. I obviously believe him because she only reported this after we made it official that we are an item.
Does anyone know what might happen down the line apart from both of them giving statements? I would rather not get dragged into it but I am finding this hard to deal with. Thanks

OP posts:
parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 15:55

Obviously he is raging, I have never seen him this angry. I understand why he is angry

Do you? You don't know what happened so how can you understand why he is angry?

. I obviously believe him

Why?

because she only reported this after we made it official that we are an item.

Maybe she is trying to prevent it happening to you as well?

I wouldn't be so fast to trust a man who, when accused of sexual assault, refuses to engage with the police.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 09/07/2022 15:55

‘I obviously believe him because she only reported this after we made it official that we are an item.’

Really???!

I would apply to the police for a Clare’s Law disclosure before you get on any deeper.

DenholmElliot1 · 09/07/2022 15:58

Where did the supposed assault take place? If he's with you now how did it come about that they were alone together

Eatingchips · 09/07/2022 16:01

@Ragdoll22 this is one of 2 threads where women are talking about their partners being accused of sexual assault. In the other thread man has 8 separate accusers and the partners still doesn’t believe it.

Partners almost never believe in the early stages. Nobody wants to believe that of a person they have chosen.

Mind yourself. This is really tough for you but of paramount importance is your safety and well-being.

Original poster
Ragdoll22 · 09/07/2022 16:01

But he will engage, just not without legal support. I don’t see why this is a bad decision?
Wouldn’t other wonder why she only disclosed it after we went official? 😕

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragdoll22 · 09/07/2022 16:02

What is this other thread called if you don’t me asking?

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 09/07/2022 16:03

If she's only done this after you "made it official" is this a fairly new relationship?

If you're thinking of staying, though god knows why, the raging wound be enough to put me off a new partner, please, please apply under Clare's Law.

I also agree that she may have reported this to try and stop what happened to her from happening to you.

Floraanddougal · 09/07/2022 16:03

Ragdoll22 · 09/07/2022 16:01

But he will engage, just not without legal support. I don’t see why this is a bad decision?
Wouldn’t other wonder why she only disclosed it after we went official? 😕

No not really and i would assume an innocent man would at least engage enough to know what he was being accused of.

how long have you known him?

Eatingchips · 09/07/2022 16:03

Ragdoll22 · 09/07/2022 16:01

But he will engage, just not without legal support. I don’t see why this is a bad decision?
Wouldn’t other wonder why she only disclosed it after we went official? 😕

Why would she claim he assaulted her if he didn’t? It is very rare for women to make this stuff up. I

Floraanddougal · 09/07/2022 16:05

Also op not everything is about you. It takes a lot of thought to report when someone has sexually assaulted you, it’s a difficult and distressing process.

how very disturbing to assume it’s a lie from jealousy,

BlanketsBanned · 09/07/2022 16:06

Cant he ask for the duty solicitor to be present when he is voluntarily interviewed

Eatingchips · 09/07/2022 16:06

Here is a link to the other thread OP

Read it and see what you think. It is shocking when something like this comes out and denial is one of the first go to defense mechanisms but that doesn’t make it true.

Floraanddougal · 09/07/2022 16:07

I’d also say are you sure he doesn’t know what he’s accused of? That would be unusual. Is it rape and he’s lying to you?

Threetulips · 09/07/2022 16:08

The police will find him council. He would be better off attending.

Floraanddougal · 09/07/2022 16:11

BlanketsBanned · 09/07/2022 16:06

Cant he ask for the duty solicitor to be present when he is voluntarily interviewed

actually The more I think about it the more I know he’s lying to the op. He’s engaged and knows exactly and had his initial interview

you don’t get to say to thr police I don’t think i will engage for a few days till I get my own lawyer. Either your lawyer turns up or it’s the duty brief.

so he knows and he’s lying.

PritiPatelsMaker · 09/07/2022 16:14

I think he's lying too. And why wouldn't he want to use the Duty Solicitor.

I think he's fuming because he's done it.

Minimalme · 09/07/2022 16:15

Maybe she heard he had a new partner and is trying to protect you op?

She is probably desperate never to think about him again, but doesn't want someone else to suffer at his hands.

Schmz · 09/07/2022 16:24

This doesn’t add up OP
he knows
he’s lying
request a Claire’s Law disclosure
see what comes up from historic

parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 16:27

But he will engage, just not without legal support. I don’t see why this is a bad decision?

Most people would want to know what they were being accused of

Wouldn’t other wonder why she only disclosed it after we went official? 😕

As I said earlier, probably to protect you

Floraanddougal · 09/07/2022 16:29

Is that what he’s feeding you op? That she did it as he’s with you, as well as he doesn’t know and for the first time in history he can engage when he chooses and not when the police decide? And you are gobbling it up?

Pinkbonbon · 09/07/2022 16:31

My first thought would be that she reported him when she found out he had a new gf because she didn't want him to do the same thing to others.

Also, I understand how being falsely accused might make someone angry but I wouldn't want to be around a man displaying ongoing rage. The way you describe it too, sounds like you feel intimidated right? Ongoing rage being displayed around you is a warning sign in itself that either he doesn't know how intimidating that behaviour is, or, doesn't care.

Sorry op but I think he did it. And it worries me that you are so quick to side with him when it's only a new relationship. Most people don't tepitt assault for shits and giggles. If there's smoke, there's probably fire.

beautyisthefaceisee · 09/07/2022 16:33

Ragdoll22 · 09/07/2022 16:01

But he will engage, just not without legal support. I don’t see why this is a bad decision?
Wouldn’t other wonder why she only disclosed it after we went official? 😕

Anyone can access a duty solicitor. He is playing for time, which is not the actions of an innocent man.

'She must be jealous'is the oldest trick in tbe book. None of us here know what she did or didnt do, but I think you're being naive.

As per Pp, angry is an odd emotion. If someone accused me of something as serious as that without cause, I'd be devastated

maisieandvicks · 09/07/2022 16:37

parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 15:55

Obviously he is raging, I have never seen him this angry. I understand why he is angry

Do you? You don't know what happened so how can you understand why he is angry?

. I obviously believe him

Why?

because she only reported this after we made it official that we are an item.

Maybe she is trying to prevent it happening to you as well?

I wouldn't be so fast to trust a man who, when accused of sexual assault, refuses to engage with the police.

This.

You sound somewhat naïve in terms of your trust in your DP. Which I can understand to some degree but you don’t have the foggiest of what really went down between the two of them.

As a pp suggested, I would apply for a Clare’s Law disclosure.

His level of anger in retaliation to these accusations strikes me as odd.

Because if anything, if I was innocent of the alleged crime, I wouldn’t be angry.

I would be in tears, absolutely horrified and upset that I was being accused of such a disgusting crime. His explosive anger strikes me as odd.

commonsense61 · 09/07/2022 16:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Pinkbonbon · 09/07/2022 16:41

Yeh it doesn't add up that he wouldnt go and find out what he was accused of before deciding if he needed legal help or not. It's not the actions of an innocent man to jump to getting legal help with no idea what's what. Either he knew he might be reported and so had learned what to do first. Or, this isn't his first rodeo.

But his rage distressing you really is a huge red flag op. Next he'll be punching wall or similar sociopath shit. It's not on. Bail now. Its early days. Worst case scenario if you get out now, you avoid all the future shit show to come. Best case scenario, you avoid exactly what he is being accused of. It's a no brainer, take no chances, run.

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