My boyfriend was accused of sexual assault by his ex

[Ragdoll22]

Hi all, I appreciate some guidance on the actual process of all this.
My boyfriend has been accused of sexual assault by his ex, and she has formally reported this to the police. He has refused to attend an interview unless he has legal support sorted, so that will happen next week I guess.
Obviously he is raging, I have never seen him this angry. I understand why he is angry but it’s quite distressing.
Since he has refused to speak to the police he doesn’t know what exactly he is being accused of either. He insists that he did not assault her and that he has no idea what she might be inferring. I obviously believe him because she only reported this after we made it official that we are an item.
Does anyone know what might happen down the line apart from both of them giving statements? I would rather not get dragged into it but I am finding this hard to deal with. Thanks

It’s dependent on evidence. It sounds like she’s reported a case of historical assault, so yes, this is common procedure.

It’s a really tough situation. He may be falsely accused which is awful but she might be telling the truth and has only realised now that what he did is wrong.
Could he not have arranged legal representation a lot faster? I completely understand him not wanting to attend the interview until he has support but even going to find out the accusation would probably have been better.
What has he said to you about it? Have you said that it is affecting your new relationship? Personally I would take a step back from the relationship until you know more.
I understand innocent until proven guilty but he’s not giving much away and j doubt this woman would go to the effort of making a false claim just because she has been dumped etc. It might be rubbish how you two got together but she could potentially be charged for wasting police time If she was lying, so it does seem unlikely.

No issue with him arranging his own solicitor before the interview

Massive issue with the idea she’s doing this to get back at you and him for cheating on her. Making an accusation of this kind is an incredibly distressing experience.

The vast majority of sexual assaults are not reported, often because the victim can’t bear to put themselves through that. The vast majority of people whose partners cheat on them do not make false accusations about them.

The vast majority of cheaters do lie about the person they are cheating on Eg she doesn’t want sex, mental health issues, crazy.

I would put my own safety and mental health first and run for the hills.

Whilst I agree with others that you need to proceed with caution here OP, I do know of someone in a friendship group of mine who was once accused of the same thing by his ex. In that case, she was the abusive one. After they'd split up she carried on the abuse, and what better way to do it than accuse him of sexual assault and get him arrested? It went all the way to court, and he was found not guilty. Turned out she'd done the same thing to someone else before.

I didn't know either him or his ex all that well, but some of my friends knew both of them, and they all said she was a nasty piece of work right from the start of their relationship, and they couldn't understand why he stayed with her for so long.

So it is possible that this is a vindictive and false accusation. It can and does happen.

That’s sounds normal. Just don’t necessarily expect a quick resolution because these investigations can last months. His solicitor will talk him through what happens next but in many cases it will be a waiting game whilst police continue their enquiries and possibly send the case to CPS. Or they might be a complete lack of evidence and be resolved quickly.

Not really, you’d be mad if your were accused of a crime too and this can happen because of jealousy.

I would not be mad at all; I would be upset, horrified, devastated.

Say you fell out with your sister and she then made up reports to the police for you sexually abusing one of her children. And obviously local people found out about the accusation. You seriously wouldn't be angry with her?

It’s always better to have your own counsel, and it isn’t reflective of guilt or innocence. A duty solicitor will not be able to provide you with the same as a solicitor you have paid for. I would also choose my own counsel if ever in a situation where I required it.

So far he’s been sensible tbh. He’s retained a solicitor and is agreeing to the interview. There’s nothing eyebrow raising in this.

His solicitor will request information from the police, who will be obliged to provide it. On the day of the interview his solicitor will want to meet with him beforehand to prepare. He will be interviewed under caution and it will be recorded. Based on what they have, they may arrest him and charge him with an offence, or they may review and conclude it with ‘no further action’.

You make a really good point!
We all don’t know what is going on with her, she could be really affected by what’s happened and might not be thinking clearly.

Anger is a perfectly reasonable response imo. I would be raging if I was accused of doing something I knew full well I hadn’t done. ‘Hurt’ and ‘devastated’ probably wouldn’t be my first response.

Anyway, surely emotional responses naturally vary from person to person?

I think it’s important to protect yourself but it is also unfair to jump to conclusions and blindly believe someone.
I know a man who was falsely accused of rape and it destroyed his career and reputation, it was awful!

Making an accusation of this kind is an incredibly distressing experience.

It's a distressing experience if you've been assaulted because you're having to relive the experience and have the fear of being disbelieved.

If you haven't been assaulted and are making a false accusation then none of that applies so why would it be distressing?

Because if anything, if I was innocent of the alleged crime, I wouldn’t be angry.

I would. But my first reaction to being accused of anything I haven't done is anger, not upset.

Op do a Clare's law.

Do the police let you refuse to come in for an interview until it's convenient for the interviewee?
I have no knowledge on this at all

It’s a voluntary interview, so yes. He could in fact refuse to attend at all, with it without counsel.

as it stands he’s not refused an interview, he’s told them he intends to instruct his own counsel and so the interview will be arranged to accommodate all parties.

OP, some questions for you:

• how long have you been with this man?


• Has he ever exhibited any hint of abusive behaviour?


• Does he treat you really nice?


• What's his opinion on women?Any misogynistic traits? Such as bad mouthing women or talking bad about his exes etc...?

I already explained how I would feel if falsely accused.

You can be arrested and the police will interview you. No choice although you don't have tonsay anything.
Or they can invite you in for an interview. You can then refuse to do that and it's up to the police to what their next step is. Or you can agree to come in for the interview and arrange a convenient time.
It really all depends on how the police are approaching the situation or what evidence they do or do not have.

I'd expect the police to weigh up the risks (how likely is he to reoffend, or to abscond), and then make an informed decision on whether to deploy a load of resources to go and get him right now. And then what do they do - stick him in a cell until they're ready to interview, which could take hours (or days). What is the advantage of doing that??

Hats off to you then. I'd be mad at my sister tarnishing my name with lies but maybe just being upset is healthier.

It sounds like you're struggling for facts with this OP and that your boyfriend is limiting the information he is giving you:

• he clearly has spoken to the police to confirm that he can make an appointment for an interview with a solicitor of his choice present - its clearly a serious allegation
• he knows enough about the process to decide to appoint a duty solicitor
• he will have to pay for this out of his own pocket

How long have you been together? Did he lie about being single when he met you or lie to his ex about you? If so, then it is clear that he is someone who is comfortable lying and it is therefore possible that he is lying about this as well.

Thats all you can say really at this stage. But overall, he sounds like trouble (cheats on existing gf, gets invited to interviews at police station) and best avoided.

@parenthood1989

To be accurate, you have stated how you think you would react if you were accused of a crime.

You don't actually know, unless you have gone through it.

Well of course. But I don't change how I think I would react to a situation because someone challenges it with another situation. I don't really get angry ever, I do get upset; so it's more likely I would be true to my 45 years. Even if I wouldn't though, you are quite right I don't know that, so my assumption based on both scenarios is the same.