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Original poster

My boyfriend was accused of sexual assault by his ex

408 replies

Ragdoll22 · 09/07/2022 15:51

Hi all, I appreciate some guidance on the actual process of all this.
My boyfriend has been accused of sexual assault by his ex, and she has formally reported this to the police. He has refused to attend an interview unless he has legal support sorted, so that will happen next week I guess.
Obviously he is raging, I have never seen him this angry. I understand why he is angry but it’s quite distressing.
Since he has refused to speak to the police he doesn’t know what exactly he is being accused of either. He insists that he did not assault her and that he has no idea what she might be inferring. I obviously believe him because she only reported this after we made it official that we are an item.
Does anyone know what might happen down the line apart from both of them giving statements? I would rather not get dragged into it but I am finding this hard to deal with. Thanks

OP posts:
Parkermumma07 · 09/07/2022 17:28

She will have made a statement to the police which obviously needs investigating
he will be invited to attend an interview as a voluntary attendee where he will be offered free independent legal advice in the form of the duty solicitor service.
all the evidence will then be reviewed and a decision will be made if there is enough evidence to proceed.
if he does not attend as a voluntary attendee he will be arrested and brought into custody to be interviewed.
This will not go away he needs to give his version of events to the police

SistersRdoingit4themselves · 09/07/2022 17:30

Maybe she didn't report it to the police straight away because she thought nobody would believe her? After all unless there is concrete evidence it's just her word against his. Personally I don't think there's smoke without fire but this is just my opinion. People can be very devious. He could have gone with the police to find out the details to make it look like he was being truthful, or he could have gone because he is genuinely innocent. He could have not gone because he really does want representation or because he is bricking it. The fact of the matter is you just don't know. You have to decide whether you are going to stand by him or not.

MarshaMelrose · 09/07/2022 17:31

Toddlerteaplease · 09/07/2022 17:26

Surely the first think you'd want to know is what you are being accused of. If he's innocent, he's better to cooperate. I'd be suspicious of him insisting on a lawyer immediately. What's he got to hide.

He knows what he's,accused of. He's already you'd the op.
He's,spoken to the police - how else dud he get invited in for an interview?
Taking a lawyer is not hiding anything. It's the most sensible thing he can do.

People are so naive on here it's scary.

Petra45 · 09/07/2022 17:32

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parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 17:33

People are so naive on here it's scary.

So true, but not in the context of him taking a lawyer.

Blue4YOU · 09/07/2022 17:34

I’ve reported a sexual assault. The police did not give the perpetrator a heads up by inviting him to interview. They did a contemporaneous interview without forewarning him.
That was sexual touching, not rape.
I find it surprising that the police would invite to interview without it being on the more extreme end of sexual offending- precisely so that the accused gets an opportunity to get legal representation and where it’s also an historic crime (rather than an ongoing/in progress crime where they’d just arrest immediately).
Your bf doesn’t have loads of time to get legal representation OP. He risks being arrested - if I understand the process properly.
Whats he doing about getting representation?

I don’t agree that being angry isn’t a usual responsE to false accusations.
the man who assaulted me is a consultant doctor and when the NHS supported him and made false statements about me I would initially have panic type responses, cry in disbelief and then get very angry. So I don’t think you can judge based on the emotions expressed.

if the police has told him the accusations up front I’d be inclined to think they feel they have a strong case. Happy to be corrected but I speak from my experience.

So … has he got his solicitor yet?

drpet49 · 09/07/2022 17:35

“He hasn’t been arrested. He absolutely can refuse an interview that he’s been invited to on a voluntary basis.”

^This

Petra45 · 09/07/2022 17:36

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Petra45 · 09/07/2022 17:37

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parenthood1989 · 09/07/2022 17:38

Not really, you’d be mad if your were accused of a crime too and this can happen because of jealousy.

I would not be mad at all; I would be upset, horrified, devastated.

Yes compared to actual assaults gals accusations are rare - but they do happen and are not “vanishingly” rare as people state either.

It's depressing that the standard response is to side with the accused though. Just another example of women not being listened to. The amount of posters so desperate to defend a man who has been accused of sexual assault is deeply worrying.

MarshaMelrose · 09/07/2022 17:40

beautyisthefaceisee · 09/07/2022 17:27

It's a calculated man who can be accused of such a heinous crime and be fine to turn down the duty solicitor we are all entitled to and take his sweet time to find out the allegations. I'd be a mess! If I had nothing to hide, I'd be down there pronto!

Honestly, OP and PP painting him out like some sort of clever man is ridiculous.

Show quote history

I'd be down there pronto.

And that would be your first biggest mistake and that's what the police rely on. That people go down there, decline legal advice and chatter away. So, hopefully, if you do get accused of a serious crime in the future, you'll remember thus thread and get yourself legal representation.

As I've said, I don't know whether this guy is innocent or not, but don't judge people because they don't act as emotionally as you and get themselves into a resultant legal nightmare. The police are not your enemy but they are not your friend either.

mommatoone · 09/07/2022 17:41

He can attend the Police station by appointment. This means he can arrange his own solictor to be present . This saves time for him and the Police . Not sure why people thing delaying things to get a solicitor is odd. I wouldnt wanna walk into a Police interview without one, whether i was guilty or not!!

BananaSpanner · 09/07/2022 17:42

Floraanddougal · 09/07/2022 17:24

You don’t know the process do you? You either get the brief on the next few hours or the duty solicitor steps in, you can then change them for the next interview. You don’t get to say to the police no sorry mate I won’t be engaging for a few days,. I don’t even want to know what it’s about, tell me when I’m ready,

and oh dear op, it looks like you’ve made some very very bad decisions.

Show quote history

I know the process inside out. It is quite common for police to contact a suspect, invite them in for a voluntary interview, tell them v v brief details and ask them to bring along a solicitor if they want one, or request the duty solicitor on arrival or be interviewed without legal representation. Their solicitor can then receive disclosure about the offence ahead of the interview or on arrival at the station to allow consultation.
The interview will take place when possible around everyone’s availability within reason.

Petra45 · 09/07/2022 17:43

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Ddot · 09/07/2022 17:44

Wait and see what the interview brings, ask police for disclosure if your worried about his past but he will be notified (I think).
Woman do make up stuff occasionally to get revenge. Just keep your head and do what's best for you

NotDavidTennant · 09/07/2022 17:44

Floraanddougal · 09/07/2022 17:24

You don’t know the process do you? You either get the brief on the next few hours or the duty solicitor steps in, you can then change them for the next interview. You don’t get to say to the police no sorry mate I won’t be engaging for a few days,. I don’t even want to know what it’s about, tell me when I’m ready,

and oh dear op, it looks like you’ve made some very very bad decisions.

Show quote history

Clearly he hasn't been arrested and is being asked to come in voluntarily, so yes he can arrange for that to happen in a few days if the police are agreeable.

They also most likely won't tell him the details of the accusation as they don't want the accused to come in with prepared answers.

whumpthereitis · 09/07/2022 17:45

Blue4YOU · 09/07/2022 17:34

I’ve reported a sexual assault. The police did not give the perpetrator a heads up by inviting him to interview. They did a contemporaneous interview without forewarning him.
That was sexual touching, not rape.
I find it surprising that the police would invite to interview without it being on the more extreme end of sexual offending- precisely so that the accused gets an opportunity to get legal representation and where it’s also an historic crime (rather than an ongoing/in progress crime where they’d just arrest immediately).
Your bf doesn’t have loads of time to get legal representation OP. He risks being arrested - if I understand the process properly.
Whats he doing about getting representation?

I don’t agree that being angry isn’t a usual responsE to false accusations.
the man who assaulted me is a consultant doctor and when the NHS supported him and made false statements about me I would initially have panic type responses, cry in disbelief and then get very angry. So I don’t think you can judge based on the emotions expressed.

if the police has told him the accusations up front I’d be inclined to think they feel they have a strong case. Happy to be corrected but I speak from my experience.

So … has he got his solicitor yet?

Not necessarily. It’s fairly standard to be invited to an interview following historical allegations of abuse. It doesn’t automatically mean they have enough evidence to charge.

they also have to inform the suspect of what he’s being interviewed in regards to. Refusing a voluntary interview can trigger an arrest, but that’s dependent on the evidence they have. If they have none then the case will ordinarily be closed.

by not attending it seems like he’s choosing to call their bluff, which may suggest that he knows they have no evidence of a crime being committed, because one wasn’t committed. It’s a risky move, but not one without foundation.

wishmyhousetidy · 09/07/2022 17:46

totally agree with this. Police are not really your friends, always deal with them professionally and in this case I would definitely have representation.
I have no idea, as no one else commenting on here does, whether your boyfriend is innocent or guilty but I would always have a legal representative with me if I was accused of anything

midairchallenger · 09/07/2022 17:46

No, @Petra45 false allegations are not "common place" and the rest of us can continue to rely on the robust peer-reviewed evidence demonstrating that rather than your biased anecdata. Cheers.

Eviesmum29 · 09/07/2022 17:46

I reported domestic sexual assault (perpetrator was a then-partner) and he was arrested at his door. Do the police really allow people suspected of rape to just come in for a voluntary interview? I would have thought there would be a warrant issued and they'd be looking to arrest him ASAP.

BlueWhat · 09/07/2022 17:47

If you were innocent, you would want to go down there and find out what was what first.

I absolutely would not go to the police for an interview. All the advice I've ever read or seen is to find a solicitor first!

I'd be raging too if someone made an untrue allegation about me. It will cost a lot of money for a solicitor.

MarshaMelrose · 09/07/2022 17:48

It's depressing that the standard response is to side with the accused though. Just another example of women not being listened to. The amount of posters so desperate to defend a man who has been accused of sexual assault is deeply worrying.

OMG. No one is defending him. People are just saying you can't condemn him for wanting to have legal representation with him when he goes into an interview. No one, literally no one not even the op appparently, knows if he's guilty or not. But just to pop down to the police station for a quick chat which ends up in a formal interview with legal advice is beyond madness and to judge someone for not wanting to do that shows the naivity of poster on here.

whumpthereitis · 09/07/2022 17:48

BananaSpanner · 09/07/2022 17:42

I know the process inside out. It is quite common for police to contact a suspect, invite them in for a voluntary interview, tell them v v brief details and ask them to bring along a solicitor if they want one, or request the duty solicitor on arrival or be interviewed without legal representation. Their solicitor can then receive disclosure about the offence ahead of the interview or on arrival at the station to allow consultation.
The interview will take place when possible around everyone’s availability within reason.

Show quote history

And this, if it’s a case of him not actually refusing an interview, but being agreeable to scheduling one when he can arrange representation.

Your own counsel will focus entirely on you, and will request, and receive, relevant information beforehand. A duty solicitor will not.

Minimalme · 09/07/2022 17:50

I'm guessing you haven't been together for very long, mainly because you haven't said.

People in long term relationships usually say how many years together as proof that they know them really well.

Timescale is important here.

If you've been together six months, then it an take time to process abuse and feel strong enough to fight it.

Original poster
Ragdoll22 · 09/07/2022 17:50

He does have a solicitor and is attending next week, but he wanted to has a solicitor of his choice. I know why he is so cautious and it makes sense to me, but I am struggling to make sense of the process and situation.

OP posts: