My boyfriend was accused of sexual assault by his ex

[Ragdoll22]

Hi all, I appreciate some guidance on the actual process of all this.
My boyfriend has been accused of sexual assault by his ex, and she has formally reported this to the police. He has refused to attend an interview unless he has legal support sorted, so that will happen next week I guess.
Obviously he is raging, I have never seen him this angry. I understand why he is angry but it’s quite distressing.
Since he has refused to speak to the police he doesn’t know what exactly he is being accused of either. He insists that he did not assault her and that he has no idea what she might be inferring. I obviously believe him because she only reported this after we made it official that we are an item.
Does anyone know what might happen down the line apart from both of them giving statements? I would rather not get dragged into it but I am finding this hard to deal with. Thanks

He also deserves the presumption of innocence.

If you're on a jury he does.

In the street, I assume, looking at the statistics of sexual assault, that most men accused are guilty of what they are accused of. Because the chances of getting a conviction are basically zero, and sexual assault is horribly common. Rape is essentially legal in the UK. And of the countless female friends I have who have been sexually assaulted, including in childhood, not one has seen the inside of a Court. In fact the only person I know who was even taken seriously by police was the male victim.

I honestly haven’t noticed any red flags. We’ve been together for 4 months but just made it official mow. I have known him for years though as we have shared circle of friends (both male and female). I always find him really open and transparent and I haven’t felt pushed into anything…there haven’t been any misogynistic comments because that would have really annoyed me. I know this doesn’t mean anything with regards to the accusations though.
He is no choir boy for sure, but I just hadn’t seen this coming

4 months. Honestly OP this isn't worth your effort

I think you need to step a very big step back from this relationship while he goes through the Police process.

Yes she could be genuine; equally she could be doing this as some sort of revenge. But to have to disclose this to the Police (having reported a very different sort of crime myself recently) takes a fair amount of strength to do - the whole process was quite demeaning and I felt that I had to really fight my corner.

You need to protect yourself first and foremost.

@parenthood1989

That is fair enough.
I know that I would initially get angry, calm down and then overthink the situation to the Nth degree.
We are all different and how we respond shouldn't be an indication of guilt.

Absolutely disgusted some one wrote false allegations are common place. And then attacked women, false allegations are incredibly rare and they think less than five percent likely as low as two.

Same. I’ve been accused of something I knew I hadn’t done (nothing like this though, not anything involving a crime), and my reaction was absolutely to be completely fucked off. I’m the opposite of the PP, I rarely get upset but I do get angry. Don’t think that’s weird or a red flag at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well he's a liar if he cheated with you.

@AchatAVendre he did lie to her about us. I’m not proud of it but I can’t take this back … :/

You'd be mad to stick around with him.
Cheats on his ex with you
Accused of sexual assault.

Yep, those traits would be right at the top of my list.

There are literally thousands of men out there who don't have these issues.

I don’t know when his is supposed to have happened. The way I understand it was while they were together. If they met up after they split and we got together I know nothing about it, and I would be very suspicious.

Keep out of it. Its not your buisness. Let him sort it.

So unless these offences happened years ago, you probably know his ex as well then (and she knows you)?

Yes I know her, but more as an acquaintance because we were never close friends

I once worked with a guy who was falsely accused by his ex wife. They arrested him at work and kept him in custody for about 2 days I think it was. Nothing ever came of it and he still works there now. So it can and does happen op . But proceed with extreme caution .

How can you say he is open and transparent when he was shagging around and lying to his partner?

If you are viewing this man as "open and transparent" just because he told you he already had a partner, then be extremely wary. That isn't open and transparent, thats just making up his excuses before he gets caught out and letting you falsely believe he is going to be equally truthful about other stuff.

Just my experience that started with something similar. My now husband had a messy break up with his ex of 7 years. 6 months later she found out we were together and the day after she discovered this and then over the course of several years reported him to the police for multiple things (said he was drug dealing, assault all sorts) she reported us to social services, HMRC, the list is endless. I wount go into too much detail as its outing but some of it was horrific! Nothing came of any of the claims as they were all unfounded but the campaign of lies was relentless and while all was being investigated was a horrific time. She then started making up lies about me to my place of work and accused me of neglect and abusing my children to social services! I nearly left him several times as I couldnt deal with the stress it made me ill. We even had laughing and mocking texts sent from unknown numbers about the destruction she knew she was causing. She is still really difficult even now. I'm in no way saying this is what's happening here but just giving me my story. I also had my teenage son accused of rape after he ended things with a girl. He was taken to the police station and it was only after txt messages were discovered proving she had lied that she subsequently broke down and admitted she was trying to punish him for speaking to another girl. He was left suicidal. I was about a year later contacted by another mum to say she was doing the same to her son! I am In no way minimising what's happening here having been a victim of childhood sexual abuse and then in a very violent relationship in my late teens with a much older man but I am just so much more aware that it's a complicated thing you are going through from these experiences.

'Nothing' ever comes of about 90% of true accusations. The lack of a conviction isn't any indication of innocence.

This is untrue. False accusations aren't any more prevalent for rape than any other crime. Men are more likely to be raped themselves than falsely accused.

I reported my ex partner for rape after he got a new girlfriend. Not because of spite but because I realised I didn't want him to do it to another woman

bg21 because a woman says its true it must be

Who said that?

As far as I can see it, people are mainly commenting on the fact that he is a cheat, a proven liar and knows how to arrange his own solicitor when interviewed by the police.

Nothing to do with "because a woman said it it must be true".

Just for the hard of thinking.