Support thread: for those contemplating/going through a break up

[paperchain]

Me. I need all the support I can get if I am to hold it togehter through this.

Others join in?

I'm in!!! Broke up a week ago because of dp's binge drinking. I go from feeling relieved to feeling devastated. Its hard isn't it but MN is great for support.

Hello ginnedup - nice to meet you. Sorry about your break up. I agree about the feeling relieved to feeling devastated. That is exactly what it is like for me too.

i'm oing throught tought ime at the mo not sure where i'm heading thats what hurts part of me dont want to let go as i do love him

other part of me cant take this anymore and not sure if i'm in love so confusing hate thinking about it every day but sick of feeling like this

sorry to hear your not having it too good at moment either

sorry about spelling have no idea what happened there lol

bubblagirl - I empathise with so many of those feelings too. Maybe we can all support each other in some way? Keep posting if it helps.

I am off on the school run now, but will be back after tea

PCx

ok pc thanks it'd be nice just to rant to someone who knows how i feel xx

Hi bubblagirl. Great name.

hi ginnedup thanks just something someone used to call me it kinda stuck lol

rant away anyone!

If I start ranting now I'll never stop and this will be the longest post in MN history.

hi guys

well my story my dp an di seem to always be at opposite ends trying our best to always meet in middle

i dont think either one of us are completely happy but we do love each other and our ds

we would never stay together for ds sake but i dont think we really know how we feel

or maybe i dont

dp can be so rude to me at times and doesnt think twice about takling things out on me which i know is always the way but emotionally its draining me and i lose something towards him every time it happens

ive become insecure and in return this annoys hell out of him

but when we get on we get on so what do i do battle on hoping we'll become perfect for each other although when we get on we are

always happens when dp goes back to work so i understand it could be stress as his hours are long and strssful

but i'm finding it really hard to deal with the stress every day arrrgghhh thats better

have thought about breaking up several times as sometimes things get so bad but then we talk and things go good and can stay that way for a while

i'm not sure are we growing apart do we love each other for what we had and our ds or do we still love each other

i keep trying to think about the future but feel i need to take it one day at a time untill i can think straight

was that a big enough rant lol

Count me in. If I can help at all, I will. I'm waiting for DH to leave, he comes into a room, I leave it. He has got some leaflets about flats to rent AND EXPECTS ME TO ORGANISE IT ALL. But if I don't, he'll never leave. Arrgghhh!

Hi - can I join?
My OH wants to leave me - there is another woman (no affair in the physical sense) they are just friends but he has admitted that they have fallen for each other. he still loves me and we enjoy spending time together but he feels something is missing. I keep persuading him to stay (we have a lovely life and 2 DD's aged 3 and 1) because I cannot bear the thought of being without him and still love him but he has hurt me badly and has taken all my confidence.

Here's me:

I love dp. He loves me. I have 2 ds's from a previous relationship and he has a teenage dd who I get on really well with too.
The problem is that he is a binge drinker. He doesn't drink every day but when he does, he just doesn't stop. It all came to a head over Christmas when he drank so much he ended up pinning me up against a wall in a drunken rage (in front of ds2). I have tried and tried to put up with his drinking, tried to make him control it, even tried to stop him. We've had a session at Relate and are on the waiting list for regular appointments but after that incident I think its too late now.
He's moved out, but is desperately trying to win me back, but he can't stay out of the pub. My emotions are all over the place - I love him so much when he's sober but on the other hand I hate the drunken monster he turns into.
I know I have to be strong and not let him back or it will just carry on and damage my dc, but every day is a battle.
There you are - I told you I'd rant on and on didn't I.
Hope you managed to read this far and you haven't nodded off yet!

Hi

Would like to join. H is emotionally abusive and I really have to leave. He is upsetting DC (3 and 1) and the little one screams when his dad comes near him.
He frightened them both yesterday (long story) and then denied it, blamed everything on me as usual and threw things around the room when I tried to talk about it.

I have tried to stay in own house (not any significant violence for an exclusion order) I never actually leaves when I ask him to and eventually I always back down (don't apologise any more) but somehow thing just slip back to their sad normality.

Today he is trying to be nice. Polite to DC's even offered to wash dishes (just looked in kitchen a few done mainly a bombsite)this always sets me back as I think ?maybe just maybe he is trying. I is all part of the game as things will be back to normal in a few days.

I noted some details of places for rent today and I have to phone and arrange viewing etc next week when H is at work.

I need support to stop me thinking of an excuse not to go. I have been doing this for a year and it needs to stop.

I am always going to be scared I just have to bite the bullet.

Thanks for listening!

i think i'll pop in and out of here too.....i left my partner in October but didn't actually move out until December. i'm a bit further down the line than some of you so i'll hang around and give some moral support if you don't mind. and occasionally i may need some myself.

right now i'm in a happy place, i definitely made the right decision. i'm just finding it hard not seeing my son every day as we have shared custody.

it really is scary ending a relationship when it's 'all you know'.....but if you aren't happy then stick to your guns, work through the hard times and you will feel strong and more peaceful very soon.

hi all sorry to hear about all your tough times also

hard as it is i think in your heart if you know you have tried as hard as you can then its time to call it quits

if it stays the same its because were allowing it to

i think now i would rather be alone than feel like this every day

just remember nothing stays the same but we have to allow ourselves to be strong and in charge instead of always allowing someone else to have control of us

so maybe we all need to strentghen ourselves so we can think clearly

to those that have made the break you have done the right thing your not getting on for a reason and if you ahve seperated its the best for both parties its not love keeping you wanting that person its the fear of change and being alone

just remember this time the change can be good the balls in our court to provide a happy future for us and our lo

keep chin up i'm going to try one last time and see how we go and if all fails this time and it all goes back to how it normally does

i know in my heart i tried and that will be enough for me good luck

Contemplating breaking up too. Have 2 ds's and I too can't go on feeling like this. I don't make him happy and he doesn't make me feel happy anymore. I think we love each other but speaking for myself personally I am tired of it all.
Just haven't said the words yet, 10 years together is a long time and it seems really sad .
We've tried Relate and various other things none of it has worked for a very long period of time.
Not sure where the kids and I will go as he has always refused to move out (the rented property is in his name). Thats what I find so scary, where will we go?
Anyway I'll pop on this thread often to see how everyone else is doing and top let you know of my situation.

Hello everyone. So sorry to learn that there are so many of us in similar positions.

I dont know how I am feeling atm. On the one hand it feels as if nothing has happened and that life is carrying on as before, but on the other hand like I have ruined everyones lives.

I am numb

Hi everyone, I've just booked my firsts solicitor's appt for a week on Monday to start divorce proceedings.

Mine is a long an convoluted story and I really don't know where to start in trying to precis it.

In short, the last 2.5yrs have been up and down, on and off, H had a mental breakdown and went awol for 6 weeks when I was 6.5m pg. Came back for 3 weeks, went awol again for 6 weeks. Moved in with parents for 7 months, came home for 3 months, went awol again few days before dd turned 1 and hasn't lived at home since.

Lost the business, lost the house. No support, very erratic visits (2 in 6m!), hardly any comms. has been a bit more "present" since Nov 07 tho.

Sold my safety net flat last year and finally moved into new place just before Xmas.

I'm 41yrs old, I have a dd of 2.3 and I work full time. This isn't how it was meant to be and if I'm honest I am pretty devestated that it has come to this.

Am hoping I can get legal aid but sol said prob not due to being a home owner now

Anyways, that's sorry old me!

Hi GUP

this isn't how i expected my life to turn out either. When the ex and i decided to have a family we really thought we'd be together forever to bring our kids up. after ds arrived our lives changed so much and despite trying to work through things, in the end i had to leave. i'm really struggling with the loss of the family unit.
at least my ex accepted things were over between us, which has made it easier. we are getting on well, everything i'm struggling with is the emotional side of not being a full time mum anymore i guess my situation is unusual in that dp is considered the main carer despite us having ds equally throughout the week. i'm rambling a bit, but i need to write this stuff down or i get over anxious.

this is the right thread to ramble sorry to hear all that going through it at the moment just remember your not alone and we can all help each other in some way

big hugs to all

Hi PC . Good to 'see' you!
I didn't ever think my life would end up like this either.
I didn't get pregnant in my 20's although I would have loved to, because I wanted to wait for the right man and have a proper family. Well I waited and found what I thought was Mr Right, then he left me for someone else when I was 5 months pg with ds2. So when I met ex p I thought I'd finally got the family I'd always wanted. But yet again its all gone wrong. I'm resigned to being single for good now, I'm so tired of being let down by men.
The only men I care about are my 2 lovely little boys and they will be brought up never to treat women the way we've all been treated.
I'm right down in the doldrums tonight

Can I join too?

My situation is similar to moosh and chocyholic.

Together nearly 15 years, two dc. Fallen out of love a long time ago but neither had the balls to end it.

Which is what I've now done. Told him I definitely want a divorce on Monday. I feel an overwhelming feeling of relief, but also a little scared, as queen rollo said.

queen rollo - I hope you are doing okay, I know it must be tuff re the shared custody but ds is going to grow and change and I'm sure (if your ex has half a brain) that the arrangements will change too and things will get a little easier. You are doing the right thing in that you are doing what you feel is right at the moment for your child.

bubblagirl - your post of yesterday morning is fab and very true.

g-up - am sure your boys will turn out fab having had such a strong mum.

Paddle - you sound amazing you have been through so much and given him so many chances, now it is time to do whats right for you and your dc.

popcorn - stay strong and hope you can take that first step - which is the most scary but also the most empowering.

paperchain/layla - hope you are okay

i know i'm doing the right thing for ds, and his dad and i are in agreement that the arrangements are open to change at any point in the future.

i have ds here now, and we have been 'shopping' bought all sorts of imaginary goods and lots of imaginary chips any guesses what his favourite food is

hope everyone has something resembling a peaceful weekend